ArtFriend

I have one nerve and it's being worked big time

My brother and I are not on speaking terms because when he drinks he is very nasty to me. His GF is a total enabler which has led me to no longer communicate with her because all she wants me to do is "be the bigger person and help my brother"

Anyway... he has been in poor health for the past couple of years. Massive heart attack, told never to drink again, drinks as much if not more now. He doesn't care to live anymore by his own admission. He is fixated on death and dying.

Th GF called me in the middle of the night last night but did not leave a message. I saw her number this morning on caller ID. I am afraid it is bad news. I simply cannot face it. I don't want to know what is happening up there (he is in Rhode Island).

I know it could be anything from a butt-call to something very serious. If it is bad news it will derail all of my progress in my sobriety.

Thoughts?

countrygirl2014

Oof that's a tough one. I would expect the worse too. I'm sorry you are going through this. Curiosity would have gotten me by now and I would call and find out what's going on. Maybe it's nothing.

SoberLeigh

First thought - whatever the news, please don't let it derail your sobriety, ArtFriend. Drinking only makes bad news worse for us alcoholics.

Sounds as though your brother has made some very bad decisions about the quality of his life; those decisions are his and the consequences are his. Don't let his choices derail your efforts.

Here's hoping the call was just a butt call.

fridgey

your heart is big enough to weather this, no matter the issue you can come back here to talk it out with your sober mates. I find if I let worry in I stop feeling equal to the task of life/living and revert to old ways of coping. Your brother only wants your love. Take care of your vulnerabilities and love others is what recovery is so stick to your path, healing into living. You are worth it regardless of any emotion that feel. Bravery comes from willing to be vulnerable so it's not loss you fear but being rejected. I accept you as doe's this family of healers. Take care and love.

SeekingGrowth

I wouldn't return the call. If it is serious, she would have left a message or will call again. Maybe it was a problem that she and your brother have now worked through, and so she has not followed up with another call. You don't need to hear about drama that has been resolved and that may trigger you. Protect your sobriety. You will get another call if there is a real, ongoing problem.

GotGrace

Why would it derail all of your progress in sobriety? Did you get sober thinking if you did so only good things will happen?

Being sober is an all-situation thing, and the bad times are when the rubber meets the road. You can get through whatever this is, ArtFriend, sober. One day, one minute at a time, you can get through this sober.

I hope you will update us.

You will be on my mind today!

ArtFriend

I agree that she would have left a message if it was serious (did not think this thru before posting). So I will wait and see what happens.

Thank you!

Nowsthetime

Hello: people make their own bed and right now you are working on yours. GG is so right... This is life and we have to learn to deal with everything sober, the good and the bad. Stay strong ArtFriend. You have come a long way and there is NOTHING in life that is worth throwing all that away. I hope everything goes well but remember take care of YOU first!

ArtFriend

I am very newly sober and very vulnerable ...that is why.

No, I didn't think that if I got sober only good things will happen. I know you are trying to help, but sarcasm is not necessary. Thanks

fridgey

SG that is brilliant advice! Most times my fears were groundless and resented the other but is was really just up to me to read it as button pushing or being a rescuer. persecutor, victim and rescuer triangle only shifts pain and truth.

Soberwolf

I would phone to make sure my brother was safe...

Tough call as you say it would affect your sobriety

hope everything is ok Artfriend

zombiegirl

I think if it was serious she would have tried and tried to have called as many times until she got you.

Do not make excuses to drink we have all been there looking for the slightest thing as an excuse to drink
oh dear had a bad day must drink
oh no work was rubbish I must drink.

Do not fall for that voice as it's not worth it at all.
look after yourself now your brother is a big boy im afraid and only he can choose the life he will lead

fridgey

some people can be soo smug. Only because their recovery has been soo hard fought.

zombiegirl

Not sure who that is aimed at?

fridgey

sorry, I was only sticking up for artfriend, sarcasm hurts so I wanted to blunt it with friendship but it was clumsy. I labelled it smugness and that was hurtful, maybe it was just caring without softness.

zombiegirl

I thought it was aimed at me.

fridgey

I can pick on you if you want, zombies are a big nuisance around my neighborhood and need to be eradicated, just soo needy for flesh.

Fiona630

I think I would text. If it were me I'd be very curious by now. lol I would say, sorry, cant really talk right now, saw u called, hope all is well. Then see what happens.

My dad is like your brother. Exactly like your brother...mean comments when drunk too, massive heart attack, going to die if he continues drinking and he continues. I totally get what you are going through. My stepmom is your brothers GF. However, my stepmom is partially deaf so my half sister is the one that calls me when things go bad. A call from her means dad issues or she needs to talk due to dad. Otherwise we txt and facebook message. my sister is 18 years younger than me. poor girl had it much worse with dear old dad then I did.

biminiblue

As far as bad news derailing you - start preparing for the worst. If he is drinking and has heart problems, it is a likely scenario.

Drinking makes everything worse. Start planning exactly how you are going to react when bad things happen. . .call someone in AA, come here and post, go for a long walk, go to therapy, call your pastor - whatever coping method you can find that doesn't include a drink.

I hope all is well for now.

Anna

ArtFriend, I would text because that gives you a bit more distance than a phone call. I think if it was important, then she would have left a message or called again.

I was really vulnerable in early recovery too, and I think you need to protect yourself at all cost.