A little math
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
A little math
I've been thinking today about my efforts at maintaining sobriety this year. Since 2014 began I've accumulated around 20 drinking days altogether, few enough that I can mark almost all of them on the calendar, even spread out as they are. The rest have been sober. That's without contest the least alcohol I've had in my life in any calendar year for the last 20. I'm not proud of those failed days or discounting them in any way, this post isn't meant to seem celebratory, but in general the tally so far feels like an accomplishment.
Then I thought about my wife, who probably hasn't had a drink on more than 20 occasions this year, either. . .but for her it's no accomplishment at all. It's just the way a "normal" person drinks, if they drink at all. (And I would NOT want to see how the liquid volume of my 20 compares against hers. I'd need a crate of milk jugs to hold mine and she'd probably need a 2-liter soda bottle. I'm sure my 20 "slips" adds up to a year's supply of alcohol for any moderate drinker).
I feel like I get too focused on counting days sometimes, but today it seems helpful as a perspective-builder. As low as I've been at times this year, I still struggle with the idea that I could return to "normal" drinking.
But when I do the math. . . .
My goal looking at this calendar for the rest of the year: try to not punch myself in the face over the red X's, try to not break my arm patting myself on the back over the green check marks, and try to stay focused on the undeniable truth that life this year has been far, far better on the green days than the red ones.
Then I thought about my wife, who probably hasn't had a drink on more than 20 occasions this year, either. . .but for her it's no accomplishment at all. It's just the way a "normal" person drinks, if they drink at all. (And I would NOT want to see how the liquid volume of my 20 compares against hers. I'd need a crate of milk jugs to hold mine and she'd probably need a 2-liter soda bottle. I'm sure my 20 "slips" adds up to a year's supply of alcohol for any moderate drinker).
I feel like I get too focused on counting days sometimes, but today it seems helpful as a perspective-builder. As low as I've been at times this year, I still struggle with the idea that I could return to "normal" drinking.
But when I do the math. . . .
My goal looking at this calendar for the rest of the year: try to not punch myself in the face over the red X's, try to not break my arm patting myself on the back over the green check marks, and try to stay focused on the undeniable truth that life this year has been far, far better on the green days than the red ones.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Pupkin...I love your name it just sounds fun. Congratulations on significantly cutting back on your drinking! Are you trying to drink less or become completely sober? You say you struggle with the idea that you could return to normal drinking? How often do you sit down have 1 drink and that's it for the night? If your alcoholic I would imagine that doesn't happen much if at all. The thing with us alcoholics we will never be able to moderately drink like the rest of the world...we are just different. There's also nothing wrong with living a completely sober life. The first step in recovery is to admit you are powerless over alcohol...Once you admit this, and know that 1 drink for you will lead to many...you can have long term sobriety. Remember we are just powerless over alcohol once we take that first drink because we don't stop at just one or two. You can do this! You have tons of support here at sober recovery!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
What a fantastic way to do it.
Very logical and scientific.
You can look at the historical record and realise, because it is right there in black and white (or green and yellow or something) and track your progress.
To be absolutely honest.... Im a little jealous I never thought of that.
Well done
Very logical and scientific.
You can look at the historical record and realise, because it is right there in black and white (or green and yellow or something) and track your progress.
To be absolutely honest.... Im a little jealous I never thought of that.
Well done
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
I couldn't do it that way at all. Once I take a sip all bets are off. Maybe (highly unlikely) I'll just have one, or only drink for one day in a row. Probably I'll end up drunk, and continue drinking over several days until I'm back to the hell of being a slave to alcohol. A recent interaction with the police over a minor traffic violation (I posted about it in another thread) made me completely recommit to staying sober every hour, every day.
What works for me may not work for you and that's ok. You are ultimately the only one responsible for your sobriety, and even your definition of what sobriety looks like to you.
I would suggest caution with the idea of trying to control drinking and instead try for a completely sober life. Just commit to it one day at a time. It's easier for me to say, "just for today I promise to stay sober". In my experience trying to control drinking is dangerous. Things can get really bad really quickly. Some people never come back from a relapse.
Good luck!
What works for me may not work for you and that's ok. You are ultimately the only one responsible for your sobriety, and even your definition of what sobriety looks like to you.
I would suggest caution with the idea of trying to control drinking and instead try for a completely sober life. Just commit to it one day at a time. It's easier for me to say, "just for today I promise to stay sober". In my experience trying to control drinking is dangerous. Things can get really bad really quickly. Some people never come back from a relapse.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
if we believe life is doled out one moment at a time then we are in complete agreement of how to regain ourselves from the lie of alcohol and mood altering chemicals. You have inspired me to regain that self control and work to be in the moment, aka, happiness. I know it is a contradiction yet a worthy one. I guess if it is work to reject the lies and believe in love then it is worthy work instead of abandonment and refusal to engage with the day. thank you for posting pupkin, you have validated my recent awareness that recovery is a journey and each step toward wholeness/humanness is reward in it self. Say hello to your wife for me, we both embrace you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
fridgey, what a sweet response, thank you. Bookmaven, I'm with you. My post sounds a bit like I'm trying to justify moderation but my feeling is actually the opposite (after some painful lessons this year). I've started phrasing it to myself this way: "I can control my drinking. Unless I'm drinking." That sounds kind of glib but it helps me remember how things have gone for me in the past. Repeatedly Thank you, everybody.
Thank you, everybody.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
I totally relate to this. I've done it too...Tracking back the past 4 months of my life. (120 days total. I've been sober for 112 of em.)
But oh...those other 8...Yikes.
Well done on your progress. In the big picture. TODAY is what matters.
I'm not drinking TODAY. What about you?
But oh...those other 8...Yikes.
Well done on your progress. In the big picture. TODAY is what matters.
I'm not drinking TODAY. What about you?
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Progress is good. Hopefully with only a handful of days in 2014 you'll perhaps consider total abstinence. My problem was I never new what I would do, hurt, puncture or explode when I drank. Also, if I admitted to 20 of anything I was lying, because I was an alcoholic and always lied......20 for me would really mean 40-50-60! More, more, more....
Good luck on your journey.....
Just curious - those 20 days weren't the last twenty in a row where they???
regards,
fly
Good luck on your journey.....
Just curious - those 20 days weren't the last twenty in a row where they???
regards,
fly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
I'm with you, Findingtheway And, Fly, fortunately nope. I didn't do well in September after what felt like a long run of clean time but am coming up on 30 days again this weekend. Observing milestones too carefully has been a trigger for me in the past so I don't want to make too much of that though. Honestly I think I posted this as much to be able to refer back to it some tough day down the road as anything else Though I do deeply, sincerely appreciate everyone's replies and support....
And, Fly, fortunately nope. I didn't do well in September after what felt like a long run of clean time but am coming up on 30 days again this weekend. Observing milestones too carefully has been a trigger for me in the past so I don't want to make too much of that though. Honestly I think I posted this as much to be able to refer back to it some tough day down the road as anything else Though I do deeply, sincerely appreciate everyone's replies and support....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
Originally Posted by pupkin 
fridgey, what a sweet response, thank you. Bookmaven, I'm with you. My post sounds a bit like I'm trying to justify moderation but my feeling is actually the opposite (after some painful lessons this year). I've started phrasing it to myself this way: "I can control my drinking. Unless I'm drinking." That sounds kind of glib but it helps me remember how things have gone for me in the past. Repeatedly Thank you, everybody.
Thank you, everybody.
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