michaely29

Hello everybody my name is Mike and I am on my seventeenth day without a drink. I feel really bad for ever becoming an alcoholic. I have a great family and job and now that I've stopped drinking I am trying to understand how I ended up such a heavy drinker. Toward the end I was slamming a pint a day and disguising it all too well, until I picked up a dui. I would wake up in the mornings feeling guilt and shame, swearing I was done, only to repeat the cycle in the evening. I've always drink a couple to a few beers a few times a week but once I really started hitting the harder stuff I did not want anything else. I did not drink for the taste or the social aspect I literally drank as though it was medication. I would drink a pint in two long gulps and it was disgusting but I guess the feeling made it worth it. My wife frowns on on drinking other than an occasional social event, and that probably played a role in my becoming such a heavy closet drinker. I am in counseling now and I hope it helps. I think I have other deep issues but I am a coward and don't want to seek help. I witnessed a loved one suffer before death and o
ut of nowhere it sparked a memory of me being raped as a boy many times by an older step cousin. I was a drinker before then but I gradually began drinking harder and harder since then. I am just trying to understand myself, I have a career family etc, but because of this skeleton in the closet I don't feel deserve anything. I feel like a lesser man and the alcohol could at least help me forget who I really am. I feel as though I built this house(life) on instable ground and it is now sinking. I know I need help but between counceling work and family I really do not have time. I'm trying to persevere.....without drinking, which is a huge problem. I feel like crap weak foggy muscle twitches. I hope I come out of this a stronger person which isn't saying much. I did not mean to be so honest but it did feel good to vent I've never told anybody this.

Soberwolf

Hello Michael welcome to SR you are not alone SR is a very safe enviorment it is full of support

I can relate to a lot of what you said

really nice to meet you

Lusher

Hey michaely29, welcome! You've found a great forum to be part of.

First, congrats on 17 days!!!

You've come to realize that your drinking is a problem, and that's a big step. I, too, would daily medicate myself via the drink. Be it to numb my feelings, or even 'tune up' before a night out. Whatever the case, I was always looking for the brain haze.

Stopping can suck and first, but as time goes on I think you'll find that it's well worth the effort as you reinvent yourself. This forum can be a big help and as one who is new here myself, I have found this to be a great resource. I have also found that what I went though, and perhaps what you're going through, is not all too uncommon in here. The feelings about booze that is.

I hope to see a you around!

HeadLump

Welcome, michael

Thank you for sharing so much about yourself. I could really feel the pain in your post

You've come to the right place. There are people here who understand and who care.

I've been sober now for nearly 21 months (primarily with the help of this site). One of the most amazing things I've found about sobriety is the way it has changed the way I think about myself. I no longer feel ashamed of my addictions, no longer ashamed of who I am or who I was. I am worthy of sobriety and so are you

Your future awaits - you just need the courage to go out there and grab it. And now you have a thousand friends who will be happy to walk beside you every step of the way xxx

luvmygirls

Hi Michael, and welcome...huge congratulations on 17 days!!! I can totally relate to your comment about sharing things here that you haven't in real life. I hope you will continue to post and participate in the community here. Take good care, and thank you for telling your story.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Mike!! Great to have you here!!

MavisTheFairy13

Hi and welcome! 17 days is a huge achievement!