CP3

I have told no one I am on the mend! You see not many people know or think I am a heavy drinker. I call myself a professional. Something to be proud of huh? I say that as I am the guy who can get hammered daily and still function at a high level. I daily take care of all my business, never miss work. You would think I have live in house help, everything I own is well kept, always clean. All of my neighbors come to me for help....can you fix this? Will you look at this? I also love working with metal and building hot rods! How the Hell can I be the guy that does all this and still drink on minimum 80+beers a week?? Sad part is I do not even have a beer gut! I have no clue why I am even posting this. Maybe I just need to let it out! Maybe it is because I cannot seem to even help myself! I have been rolling this way over a decade! I was asked by a few if I have a plan? I do not? One day at a time right now is all I can say! Day 3 is today, the fog is thick, i am irritable and the sleep is crap!

FreeOwl

Imagine the amazingness your life could be without the 80 beers a week....

If you're capable of all that while blunting and munting yourself and your capabilities with a crazy-haze of booze, I can only imagine you'd be living a truly incredible life if you she yourself of it.

Nonsensical

I remember having similar thoughts CP3. I am successful in my career, beautiful family, beautiful home, I build furniture in my spare time, take finance classes, etc. Only the people living in my house knew how bad my drinking was, and even they didn't know about ALL the liquor I was hiding.

In some ways I think that makes it harder to find the motivation to quit. I mean, why quit if everything is going so well even when I am drinking? Sure my wife and kids find me passed out under the coffee table from time to time, but what harm is there in that? I work hard and deserve to relax whenever I want to.

My problem was that I wasn't drinking when I wanted to. I was drinking because I couldn't relax unless I was drinking. I tried to quit many times, but found it too difficult. That isn't relaxing, that's bondage. I was a successful slave.

There's a word for a person who achieves in life while keeping his excessive drinking a secret. It's the same word we use for someone who is well-known for having lost everything due to drinking: alcoholic. Either way, it is no way to live.

Congrats on 3 days. Keep it going and you will understand what I am talking about.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome and congratulations on admitting you may have a problem.
Good for you on three days.
You'll find a lot of support here.
I drank heavily for twenty years until everyone knew I was a drunk. I hope you don't go through the lows I did.
Just remember, you never have to drink again.

pupkin

Congrats on day 3, CP3. Sorry it's such rough going but you're doing it. The sleep will improve and your mood with it I reckon. I was very high functioning too and know how frustrating and difficult it is to match up all the the volume of booze you're putting away daily with all the evidence in your life that seems to contradict that you have a problem, even after the wheels finally start coming off. You're doing the right thing--hang in there!

Fly N Buy

I never:
lost wife and kids
house/car - stuff
job
friends ( just changed to other drunk ones )
health (jury is still out...things pop up MANY years later)
made a six figure income

Yes, welcome to the Mr. Highbottom conundrum.

Alcohol does not give a rats arse about who, where and what you are. It makes zero difference. Consider yourself lucky at this point.

None of this has happened = YET ( you're eligible too!)
I came to understand what a speaker describes as the Pond:

I am only drinking today, not for ever. Not for 10 - 20 -30 years. Drinking only affects this one little cove in the pond of my life.....

What we do not understand, is the ripples throughout the pond are there. Alcohol causes these ripples in our pond of life and erodes everything. Relationships, work - body, mind and spirit etc.....
Highbottoms have a more difficult time seeing this.


This is why I quit. I no longer would allow poison to control my pond and erode all I love and care for.

fly

zeppodog

Hang in there CP3, things will get better. Starting day 6 myself again, Hardly any sleep all week, I know it will be worth it in the end to not give in. Takes time to let your body heal from the poison you've been putting in it. There's many people here going thru the same thing.

JanieJ

Welcome, CP3, I am on day 6. I'm the same, run my own business, have a great family, kept it all together -but it had its hold on me, and that could not be allowed to continue. I am in charge of what I choose to do, not the other way round.

Well done on day 3 !! I had no sleep at all on Tuesday night, but last night I slept for ten hours. By day six you should be feeling much better x

IOAA2

Hi.
In the beginning I wasted a lot of time and energy wondering why also. Finally I needed to ACCEPT that’s the way it is so do something about it.
I was shown that this disease gets progressively worse but when we don’t drink it goes into remission, however will strike if we drink again.

BE WELL

anattaboy

Congrats on day 3!

Ellay

I wanted to see for myself...everyone kept saying that it does get better....does it? I am on Day 18 and can honestly say , Yes. Sure, sometimes the sleep sucks and you think a drink will help, or that "just one" is ok...but just don't pick up that next drink. Have you considered an AA meeting? Put your ego aside ( we all have one) and just try one. What do you have to lose? I too was a high functioning "wino". No one was telling me to stop. But the voice inside me that was beginning to get frightened about the amount and how often became loud and clear. Good luck, you can do this.

CP3

I want to Thank You all for the encouragement! I hope someway somehow I can make this stick, I am so tired of everything that goes with being a drunk! I do not remember feeling this bad the last time I tried sobriety x12 years ago!

Ellay

Everything is worse as we age, CP3

CP3

Ellay, So true!

luvmygirls

I keep thinking that all of us "high functioning" folks should start a club or something, because we all seem to think the same way at first! My sense is that we'd have an impressive resume, but all the intangible things that really matter in life, like relationships with family, calm, peace, serenity, an ability to live in the moment...beyond keeping up shiny appearances...would be seriously lacking. At least for me, it's kind of a crazy set of priorities. For example, I 've done things similar to this at home: Sure my wife and kids find me passed out under the coffee table from time to time, but what harm is there in that?

Now, if you changed that to my boss finding me asleep in my OFFICE? NO WAY. Meanwhile, I pay lip service to the idea that family is everything. Really? Then why do I subject my family (important) to things that I would never do in front of co-workers (less important)?

I'm an alcoholic. That's it. And I have to stop using all my "trophies" as a club to beat down the truth: I am no different. I may SEEM different, but I'm not. And as time goes on, I'm starting to really respect the progressive nature of this disease and realize that it won't be long until I don't even seem different. That's what I'm really trying to avoid.

Fly N Buy

In a bizzare twisted way, a DUI would have motivated me many years ago......Thankful I never had one = amazing.

That wasn't God's plan for me for whatever reason.
Yes, A club!

We could call it.......hmmmm, ahhhh,,,,,,,,

AA!

Dee74

I was that 'go to' guy too CP3...until I wasn't.

I'm proof that so called high-bottom drunks can continue drinking....all the way until they become really low bottom drunks.

I think you've made a good choice to stop now