self-pity
 

there are possibly older threads about this, but it can't hurt to have a new one.

self-pity was a major force in my life before i got sober. it was both a backwards way of increasing self-esteem, and a strong enabler to drink.

i've dried out considerably, but i sometimes find myself lost in self-pity...almost encouraging myself to worry, because self-pity follows from worry. ("poor me, i can't ever seem to shake my worries for good!")

what role does self-pity play in your life? how do you respond to it in your recovery? what tools do you use to address self-pity specifically?

It took about 4 years of work including AA, counselling, hypnotherapy etc to make a dent on this for me! In hindsight having lived 38 years with self pity I suppose it seems pretty obvious now that great effort to change would be required to make my thinking, values and beliefs shift.

Loads of resources out there to help you.

Self-pity can overwhelm me. My Christian faith helps to it shake off.

My addiction was all about being insular, looking inward, living in my own head.

My recovery's been about looking outward, making connection with my fellow main - claiming my place in society

My life has not been easy by any standard. I let that weight on me for decades.

Now?
I see I have so many things to be grateful for.

I have so many opportunities to grasp and joy to experience.

I've lived through a particular kind of hell, so even the crappy days hold some gift for me nowadays :)

Don't kid yourself tho - I'm not always positive, I'm not always optimistic and not always altruistic either. I'm not a saint amd I have my moments - but recovery, if it's done anything, has made me less self indulgent.

I'm glad for that :)

I'm not sure who said it but this quote is a pretty good one, if a little earthy

It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again - just be sure to flush when you're done....;)

D

Gratitude has taught me a great deal about self pity, it's taught me that when I remember to give thanks for what I have there is no room for self pity, gratitude fills the space that self pity used to try to weasel in on so self pity becomes superfluous.

Self pity requires focussing inwards and concentrating on everything that is wrong/could go wrong/may go wrong. It's insular and inward. These days I look out and forward because I am in recovery -- for which I am incredibly grateful.