accused of drinking tonight, I am honestly ready to quit, I mean quit, its over
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
accused of drinking tonight, I am honestly ready to quit, I mean quit, its over
I am not drinking, I am sober, I am coherent, I am medicated. Tonight I am told by my ( slur) I am drunk. I have no slur, I am not drunk and my parents (my daughters legal guardians excuse me of drinking. I guess my lies and deceit has added up and I lose even when I am trying to win ( no alcohol tonight) last night some, but not tonight.
Everyone says inpatient, have you ever been paranoid, have you ever through the world was going to get you, have you ever thought that you were the blame for everything. I lose, I am a loser, my daughter loses, I am drunk, I am drunk even when I am not drunk.
Honestly, I am about done with it all, I am not going to get my daughter back, my farce is over, I am a drunken dummy, I lie, cheat, steal, I guess I don't care, fu@#$ me right. I drink when I shouldn't, inpatient, outpatient, now answers there, I won't be proselytized, nobody will ever tell me I don't care about my daughter but compromise how I feel about Tierstan. Its a lie, I care more than most parents. 1000's of hours suing and working the system and I get no credit...
Well, tdg can't do it anymore, he can't find day labor, nobody thinks he is telling the truth, feeling sad, and confused, it feels like its over. Coming to the end of my living situation, nobody trust me.
Tonight is lonely, I am sober, but thinking if they say I am a drunk and I am " slurring my speech" screw it, I don't want my daughter back, I don't want a damn thing I don't want anything, screw it I am done, I can't win.
Good night, for what its worth, up all night realizing my parents are going to rock my world and tell my CPS worker I am drunk and I am not I quit'
Everyone says inpatient, have you ever been paranoid, have you ever through the world was going to get you, have you ever thought that you were the blame for everything. I lose, I am a loser, my daughter loses, I am drunk, I am drunk even when I am not drunk.
Honestly, I am about done with it all, I am not going to get my daughter back, my farce is over, I am a drunken dummy, I lie, cheat, steal, I guess I don't care, fu@#$ me right. I drink when I shouldn't, inpatient, outpatient, now answers there, I won't be proselytized, nobody will ever tell me I don't care about my daughter but compromise how I feel about Tierstan. Its a lie, I care more than most parents. 1000's of hours suing and working the system and I get no credit...
Well, tdg can't do it anymore, he can't find day labor, nobody thinks he is telling the truth, feeling sad, and confused, it feels like its over. Coming to the end of my living situation, nobody trust me.
Tonight is lonely, I am sober, but thinking if they say I am a drunk and I am " slurring my speech" screw it, I don't want my daughter back, I don't want a damn thing I don't want anything, screw it I am done, I can't win.
Good night, for what its worth, up all night realizing my parents are going to rock my world and tell my CPS worker I am drunk and I am not I quit'
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Jeremy, the worst thing you can do is let that voice, the one that tells you to eff it, win.
I had to deal with a lot of accusations about me and my behaviour after I got sober.
Now seven years later I understand it.
I'd screwed up many times.
Not everyone is going to say how awesome you are. Some people will have long term disappointments or long held resentments about you to work through.
You have to believe that your self worth is not dependent on their validation J.
I had to earn back trust and respect - whether it was fair or not for me to have to do that was immaterial.
It had to be done.
You can get your life together and your daughter back home and a family reunited....it will take a while and you'll be tested many times, but that's the mark of a man, isn't it?
If you say screw it, you not only reinforce people's idea of you, but you'll have no hope, and everything - all your hopes, dreams and ambition - end here.
It's not really a tough choice, is it?
D
I had to deal with a lot of accusations about me and my behaviour after I got sober.
Now seven years later I understand it.
I'd screwed up many times.
Not everyone is going to say how awesome you are. Some people will have long term disappointments or long held resentments about you to work through.
You have to believe that your self worth is not dependent on their validation J.
I had to earn back trust and respect - whether it was fair or not for me to have to do that was immaterial.
It had to be done.
You can get your life together and your daughter back home and a family reunited....it will take a while and you'll be tested many times, but that's the mark of a man, isn't it?
If you say screw it, you not only reinforce people's idea of you, but you'll have no hope, and everything - all your hopes, dreams and ambition - end here.
It's not really a tough choice, is it?
D
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Jeremy...please know that self pity is the mechanism of addiction. It is the energy that drives ya like a heat seeking missile to a drink. I have come to recognize it AS my addiction
You just need to keep on doing the right thing. Neither Rome nor recovery is built in a day. Keep on keeping on
You just need to keep on doing the right thing. Neither Rome nor recovery is built in a day. Keep on keeping on
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Jeremy, If I am honest with you, you earned the distrust your parents have. It takes time to regain that trust and one day sober here and there is not going to cut it. You know what you need to do but you are fighting it tooth and nail.
The addicted Jeremy is full of self pity and anguish. The sober Jeremy is a great guy. Which do you want to be?
The addicted Jeremy is full of self pity and anguish. The sober Jeremy is a great guy. Which do you want to be?
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Jeremy.
You're currently dealing with multiple crises, and you frequently lose your moorings. I get it. None of this or what follows is criticism, so please allow yourself to take this as the support you so clearly need.
In response to your OP and your other recent thread, you seem to have made the choice to interpret some people's support as criticism, and you've decided that finding work and housing is more important than your health and well-being. As Dee has suggested, none of us is perfect at providing the help and support that someone needs. It's not the words we use but the willingness to reach out that can lead to healing, for both the people who offer support and for the people who receive it. You've often commented that you're available to help other people who are struggling. You wanna help? Then help us help you.
Regardless of what anyone else says, thinks, feels...no matter their accusations and assumptions about you, and reactions to you, your best shot at getting sober, getting well, bringing your family back together and leading a better, healthier life together at this moment is to get as much help as you can. There are no other priorities that are worth your efforts. I'm talking about your working on achieving consistent sobriety, getting the help you need with what you yourself describe as your formidable "mental issues (which you've commented on freely and often, yet now take others to task for bringing up)," and fulfilling the legal requirements that currently restrict your freedom. You can deal with your housing situation and employment concurrently with treatment or after you've settled down emotionally.
You've already commented that subsidized housing may be available for you, and I imagine that whatever agency/agencies you're dealing with are willing to work with you on this and more as you get yourself together. It's no secret to anyone here that putting off getting the help you need is a significant part of your history. There is no better time to stop procrastinating and get the help you need. The alternative is to be forced to to so at some future time. And this I can pretty much guarantee.
It's expectable that you'd be all over the map since your daughter was removed from your care and that your wife was taken into custody. You haven't said what your wife's current status is, and I imagine that many of us wonder where she's at. Your on-again off-again drinking is only making things worse. For right now, you need to focus, to re-arrange your priorities and, instead of discounting the help and support that's available for you where you are, just as you do here, you need to start taking the steps that will allow for healing, rather than railing at your parents, people here on SR or "the system."
Your claim that you only need SR for venting and that you're not interested or that you're even hurt by what you're taking as criticism from others isn't good enough and it improves your situation not in the least. You've asked for help and guidance on numerous occasions since I've known you, and you've now come to a place in which you're defining the terms of engagement here based on what you want people to give to you, rather than accepting the help that's offered. It occurs to me that you also need support with regards to actually accepting help and support and putting it to good use.
Many of us bridle at the thought of being under the care or stewardship of others, and it can certainly be a terrifying reality to conclude that there may not be a better way, but what are your options right now? The counselors and the case workers and caregivers available to you are paid to get you in the best possible position to succeed. They don't make a living or mark their careers based on their failure to do so. Providing treatment and helping you find affordable and stable housing, employment, education, health care...this is what they do. But they can't do it without you.
Look man, you only need to open the door a little bit, take small steps to get the help you need. No one here is pulling for you to fail, and no one here thinks any less of you when you fail to get the help you need. But I'd offer that some of us are a little bit more heartbroken with each new setback that you report, and feel more than a little helpless to add safety and stability to you and your life.
Please, do what you need to do.
You're currently dealing with multiple crises, and you frequently lose your moorings. I get it. None of this or what follows is criticism, so please allow yourself to take this as the support you so clearly need.
In response to your OP and your other recent thread, you seem to have made the choice to interpret some people's support as criticism, and you've decided that finding work and housing is more important than your health and well-being. As Dee has suggested, none of us is perfect at providing the help and support that someone needs. It's not the words we use but the willingness to reach out that can lead to healing, for both the people who offer support and for the people who receive it. You've often commented that you're available to help other people who are struggling. You wanna help? Then help us help you.
Regardless of what anyone else says, thinks, feels...no matter their accusations and assumptions about you, and reactions to you, your best shot at getting sober, getting well, bringing your family back together and leading a better, healthier life together at this moment is to get as much help as you can. There are no other priorities that are worth your efforts. I'm talking about your working on achieving consistent sobriety, getting the help you need with what you yourself describe as your formidable "mental issues (which you've commented on freely and often, yet now take others to task for bringing up)," and fulfilling the legal requirements that currently restrict your freedom. You can deal with your housing situation and employment concurrently with treatment or after you've settled down emotionally.
You've already commented that subsidized housing may be available for you, and I imagine that whatever agency/agencies you're dealing with are willing to work with you on this and more as you get yourself together. It's no secret to anyone here that putting off getting the help you need is a significant part of your history. There is no better time to stop procrastinating and get the help you need. The alternative is to be forced to to so at some future time. And this I can pretty much guarantee.
It's expectable that you'd be all over the map since your daughter was removed from your care and that your wife was taken into custody. You haven't said what your wife's current status is, and I imagine that many of us wonder where she's at. Your on-again off-again drinking is only making things worse. For right now, you need to focus, to re-arrange your priorities and, instead of discounting the help and support that's available for you where you are, just as you do here, you need to start taking the steps that will allow for healing, rather than railing at your parents, people here on SR or "the system."
Your claim that you only need SR for venting and that you're not interested or that you're even hurt by what you're taking as criticism from others isn't good enough and it improves your situation not in the least. You've asked for help and guidance on numerous occasions since I've known you, and you've now come to a place in which you're defining the terms of engagement here based on what you want people to give to you, rather than accepting the help that's offered. It occurs to me that you also need support with regards to actually accepting help and support and putting it to good use.
Many of us bridle at the thought of being under the care or stewardship of others, and it can certainly be a terrifying reality to conclude that there may not be a better way, but what are your options right now? The counselors and the case workers and caregivers available to you are paid to get you in the best possible position to succeed. They don't make a living or mark their careers based on their failure to do so. Providing treatment and helping you find affordable and stable housing, employment, education, health care...this is what they do. But they can't do it without you.
Look man, you only need to open the door a little bit, take small steps to get the help you need. No one here is pulling for you to fail, and no one here thinks any less of you when you fail to get the help you need. But I'd offer that some of us are a little bit more heartbroken with each new setback that you report, and feel more than a little helpless to add safety and stability to you and your life.
Please, do what you need to do.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Yup, once the state is involved.....Do what they want, get papers signed at meetings etc. I know first-hand the incompetence of state workers and the legal system but I put myself there. If I drink I'm gonna see badges and handcuffs eventually. Since I don't I'm free to spend all day at the park or whatever we wish to do with my soon-to-be 4 yr. old. Simple stuff. Took me a while to get it too. More doin' and less talkin' TDG. Peaceout Dad.
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