shy, loner

Old 10-15-2014, 12:31 AM
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shy, loner

Been dealing with alcoholism for around 15 years. Never thought it would be me, the good girl, quiet, so shy. Alcohol let me out. Being 37 shouldn't I be done with this by now? Just want to know how you stop... something that makes you feel ok about yourself... how do you stop???
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Old 10-15-2014, 12:38 AM
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Hi and welcome violetbutterfly

my problem was drinking only made me me feel ok about myself for a short time, and then, after a few years, it stopped completely.

To really feel authentically good about myself I had to face who I was...that wasn't easy, but I had support here...and the surprising thing was I wasn't nearly as bad as I thought I'd be

It may be hard to trust me on this right now, but I hope and trust you'll find the same

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Old 10-15-2014, 01:12 AM
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Hi Violetbutterfly, welcome, I'm new here too, I have just stopped drinking( I'm on day 5) after 30 plus years, and for me I've reached a point where I just can't go on with it, for my health and mental well -being.

I'm not an expert by any means, but I think Dee47's post says it all really, that's a great starting point for you.

Hope you settle in -there's lots of people's stories, struggles and victories on here, I'm finding it amazingly helpful .
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Old 10-15-2014, 01:23 AM
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Hi, Violetbutterfly. Welcome to SR from another newbie (17 days abstained now) who is so happy to have found the support of this community. You can do it! The quiet, shy good girl can be who you want her to be..without alcohol. The SR members are willing to support and guide you, I'm proof of that. My daily visits have given me tremendous strength.
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Old 10-15-2014, 03:14 AM
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Once you stop drinking and get to know the you without alcohol, you will begin to feel ok about yourself. You may still be shy but you know, shy is ok. Give yourself time without alcohol to work on coming out of your shell. And welcome to the group!
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Old 10-15-2014, 03:31 AM
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I am the same way, shy, quiet and a loner. Alcohol used to lubricate my social interactions so I could open up and be social.

I personally got sober by using SR and attending AA. Seems odd, really. Socially awkward and quiet, going to a room full of loud happy people. But it has worked for me so far (22 months tomorrow) and I think that I needed the face to face support.

I'm not outgoing yet, don't think that I ever will be but I don't feel as uncomfortable as I used to and I'm not mentally beating myself up all the time.
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Old 10-15-2014, 04:18 AM
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Hi vb, sobriety isn't going to magically stop you being shy and lonely, but it is an essential first step. I was a late starter like you, and found I needed to stay home much more or I wouldn't get to drink enough.

Now, after more than 2 years sober, I'm finally starting to come out of my shell and work on being more social. But that aside, I also feel so much better about myself.
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Old 10-15-2014, 04:59 AM
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I am introverted and alcohol did give me a lot of confidence. I am also 37 and quit 46 days ago.
My advice - Do whatever it takes - hide out for a while, look after yourself and give it time.
Things are far from ideal right now for me but the alternative - going back to drinking - looks like the worst of all choices.
Lots of horrible symptoms have subsided (neuropathy, anxiety) and I am just starting to be able to consider a new lease of life for myself - its daunting!
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Old 10-15-2014, 05:06 AM
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Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
50 Essential Tips To Help You Stay Clean And Sober

hope this helps violet butterfly (cool name btw)

VB - glad you're here! You may find, like many others that we only THINK alcohol lets us out. The reality is that alcohol is the trap that holds us back and keeps us from a natural maturing process. We seem to get frozen in time when booze lubricates our socialization skills.

You have a wonderful world waiting out there for you!

SW found some excellent tips for all of us. Great starter package! Check them out, perhaps.

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Old 10-15-2014, 05:27 AM
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Originally Posted by violetbutterfly View Post
... something that makes you feel ok about yourself... how do you stop???
Most people who find their way to Sober Recovery don't feel okay about themselves, as drinkers, anymore. And I bet when you aren't drinking, you don't feel okay about it either. But fear is a big barrier to quitting.

I don't know how much you are drinking, but I suggest you talk with your doctor, be honest about your drinking and your desire to quit. Detoxing under supervision is the best way to go about it.

As for being shy and how that will impact your recovery, I'd ask this: Has your shyness ever kept you from buying or obtaining alcohol? Then it shouldn't keep you from obtaining sobriety.
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Old 10-15-2014, 05:54 AM
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how do you stop? By starting to love yourself.
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:42 AM
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Welcome to the Forum violetbutterfly!!
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Old 10-15-2014, 10:46 AM
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Hi and welcome! I'm socially inept and always felt like I didn't fit in. So used alcohol on social occasions as the thought of being sober and with people terrified me! And used alcohol at home to relieve stress/boredom/loneliness/pain - basically to numb every emotion. But not anymore. There are other ways to build confidence without using alcohol. If you really want to stop then you can! Everyone here is so supportive.
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