Dmcheshire

Hi,

I'm on day 57 now and when I stopped drinking, I didn't set out to stop drinking altogether as I didn't want to put the pressure on myself of saying I'm not going to drink at all. I even had 10 beers in the fridge and still have them in a cupboard in the kitchen. I had to fast for a blood test for yet another health problem so stopped at 6pm, 57 days ago.

In hindsight - that was probably to pre excuse another failure, but I didn't think about it that much. I did really, really need to stop drinking; I just told friends and my wife that I "wasn't saying I wasn't going to drink at all" and that seemed to take the pressure off.

When I stopped, after years and years of finding it impossible to stop - this time I found it "easy". I have NEVER been able to stop drinking and must have got to the stage where I was that fed up with the consequences of my own actions that I was ultimately fed up with the drink; so I just, stopped...

I didn't join here until a couple of weeks ago as I thought I needed to keep myself grounded, as I was finding it so "easy". This is by far the longest I have ever been without a drink and I don't want one. I probably had a couple of cravings early on and moments feeling sorry for myself but the benefits have been so huge I have just carried on, not drinking.

Everything in my life has got immeasurably better. I have a new job, I picked up a new car yesterday - I have literally saved enough money per month to buy a Mercedes (probably 2). All I do with my wife is laugh, we've not had an argument since I stopped. I feel fantastic, my energy levels are through the roof, my diet is now "normal", I look younger and the list goes on and on.

Another list that goes on and on is the list of things I don't miss about drinking. Someone posted their list (of things they don't miss) on here and the thread that followed was fantastic!

Yesterday, I decided to put a bit of pressure on myself and announced that I have decided to stop for a year. My thinking was, that drinking will always be there and I will get one year from now and have a look at those lists and I can see if I want to ever drink again. I thought, if the 1st 2 months are anything to go by, it's going to be a resounding NO. I felt it was right at the time to make this attempt more "formal" so I told my wife and friends.

Now, I'm worried I've set myself up for a fall and I shouldn't have changed anything. I still don't want to drink but I'm regretting making this verbal commitment and have started thinking about Christmas and holidays and all other things I wasn't thinking about! I still don't want to drink so that's good. I'm just wondering if I should have kept my mouth shut - I seem to have turned it into "a big deal"...

Any advice?

Dee74

Whats got you nervous tho dmcheshire?

do you think you were a little nebulous about the terms of your sobriety before and now your addictions getting a little panicky maybe?

for me I accepted that I cannot drink, and be the person I want to be.

It's a forever, all or nothing, deal for me.

what's your honest instant reaction to that idea?

D

MavisTheFairy13

Reading rational recovery and learning about avrt is helping me to be able to say 'I will never drink again'. However a couple of months ago I was chasing moderation. 57 days is amazing! And you don't want to drink! So why should that change?

MarathonMan

Hi DM, I think you're over thinking it, now you've made the announcement you're feeling the pressure, a pressure you're purely putting on yourself. What ever you were doing was working so keep to that, keep it low key if that is that's what helps. If thinking about the long term freaks you out just think about the next 24 hours. I think we can be our own worst enemies at times and obsess about not drinking almost as much as we did about drinking, by making your announcement nothing has really changed apart from your perspective of the road ahead.....it's still the same road it was yesterday. You sound like you're in a good place so don't get stuck in your own head to much, keep doing what you were doing and take it one day at a time if you need to.

Meraviglioso

I think Dee's questions are important for you to consider. But at the same time I would caution you to take it "one day at a time" when you need to. 57 days is really amazing, but you are still new to this and you have to be careful to watch out for that sneaky AV. I would say go ahead and go for that goal. But if you start to feel yourself getting nervous you can always step back and just worry about not drinking right now, today.

Sasha4

I did similar.

However, I said ' I want to try stop for a month' at first. I did a month. Then I went for 6 months. I did six months. Then I went for a year. I did a year'

The word 'try' took some of the pressure away.

My giving up for a year though was also a bit of a cover, or an easy response when people asked why I was not drinking. It meant I id not have to go into detail. I just said I would like to try stop for a year.

I will be 3 years in Feb 2015.

I would say the following from your post.

1. The easiness you say you have found giving up drinking so far - thats probably the pink cloud we talk about here at SR. At first when we stop drinking, we can be on a bit of high and in love with life. Read about it here. We all have to come back down to earth with a bit of a bump eventually, which I think may be happening to you.

2. I saw my stopping as a personal battle and I wanted to fight it quietly in my own way. I made no grand gestures or formal announcements. I saw it as my battle to fight how I saw fit and I still do.
If people asked how long I was giving up for i would just say 'I would like to try for a year, but who knows' and left it at that. If they asked about christmas, holidays etc I just said I would cross that bridge when I came to it and who knows? I was quite light hearted.
I would suggest from now on, just keeping it quieter and not getting into any complex discussions about it with others. Thats what worked for me.

3. The worries you are having about holidays and christmas etc could you chalk that up to your addictive voice and read up on AVRT?
Thats also why we tend to say about taking things a day at a time as looking forward, six months, a year or forever can scare us silly!
I thing those fears you are having are natural though.

What worked for me was again if anyone asked about the events, I would say I will see how I feel when I get there. I also reminded myself that I was not being forced to do this by anyone, it was my choice. I could change my mind at any time.
I reminded myself that some pretty miserable times I had led to my decision to do this though, especially when drinking on holiday, parties, christmas etc etc.

For me this could not be more true.............'There are many times I have regretted drinking. I have never regretted not drinking not once'.

4. It does get easier too. Remember that. Christmas, summer etc are a while off yet. How you feel now, won't be how you feel then. You will stronger, more confident, you might have some experience of social events without drinking. The sense of achievement when you do something like a birthday, christmas day etc etc is massive too. You are right back on that pink cloud!
For me now, the thought of wine actually makes me feel sick. I hate being in the booze aisle at the supermarket. In time you might feel like that too.

My final point too is one I'm not sure will help you in that it might encourage you to drink, but I hope it doesn't.

5. No-one will laugh, be negative, be I told you so etc etc if you do drink. In my experience, If I have said I'm not sure I can get to a year, the few people I expressed that to, said even if you don't you have done brilliant to do 3 months, 6 months whatever. Most people were in awe I had done a weekend and said they doubted they could last a week! No-one was horrid. No-one got pleasure out of my doubts.

6. But I think you are having a wobble, a little confidence crisis and you just need to keep thinking just for today I won't drink. Think that every day you wake up and you will soon be powering through that year. Just keep going and don't think too hard.

I wish you the best xx

endlesspatience

57 days is a great achievement. I am really pleased that things in your life are improving. It's fifty days since my last drink. For what it's worth, my main strategies at the moment are to get as much support as possible, so for me that means regular AA meetings and working with a sponsor. It also means filling up my life with interesting and rewarding activities that benefit me and other people. That means that my targets are positive ones: I will do this, this and this, rather then focussing on something I can't do (ie: can't drink for one day, one week, one year).

I found that the problem of setting an absitinence target was that I would I feel I could reward myself with a drink once it was reached, thus putting me back at risk of going into a wretched addictive cycle again.

Nonsensical

My addiction worries a lot about my ability to stick to a decision.



Congrats on your success.

DoubleDragons

I ditto everything Sasha said. In the first months of sobriety, I honestly couldn't fathom a forever without drinking alcohol. Now, at over a year sober, it is much easier to contemplate, but I still just focus on one day at a time. I just think that one day at a time is a good way to handle everything, including life.

Dmcheshire

Thank you everyone and thank you especially Sasha. I'd not heard of the pink cloud before but I have been very, very 'in love with life' since I stopped - probably from about a week in, possibly even before. Good news is that a couple of days later, of course, nobody had made any big deal out of this - truth is they've probably even forgot (apart from my wife). It's easy to forget that nobody cares anywhere near as much as you think they do as not everyone knew it was any sort of problem to the scale it was. I'm back to not drinking today and I prefer it that way. On reflection also, I started thinking about the amount of times it has ruined Christmas with arguments and even probably every holiday I've had has involved a drunken row, so I'm going to look forward to trying my 1st one sober instead. Thanks guys