so2014

Hi, all.

I'm on 9 days sober, and today is the first day where I'm really feeling emotionally and mentally bad about it. Starting to question "what is the point of this?" Yes, I drank too much, but I haven't "lost" anything - I have a good family situation. I have kids, and I tell myself that I stopped drinking for them. But then again, I was a fun drunk - probably a lot more fun than now. And I was never abusive. I'm occasionally short tempered (drunk OR sober) but I never yelled at them or hit them or anything. If anything, I'm much more likely to get silly and dance with them when I'm drinking. And yes, drinking so much will probably take a few years off my life, but ISIS or Ebola may beat me to it.

Anyway, feeling really down today. My inlaws were in town all weekend and are heavy drinkings. They shook their martinis and drank their wine and I didn't have ANY and was proud of myself. . . but now that they're gone, I'm suddenly totally craving it and wondering if there is really any point to being sober. Just having a bad day I guess.

Am going to AA meeting tonight. Just curious if anyone had ever felt this and got past it.

Thepatman

Perhaps remembering the health benefits would help you.

Your liver, your internal organs, you brain cells, think about it.

Stang

All the time! It's not unusual for that addictive voice to show up after you start to feel better.

cardoon

I'd think back and ask myself, " If it was so fun why am I trying to stop?"
And yes, I have had those types of thoughts in the past when I wasn't fully committed to stopping. Now? I'm done.

thedude109

Man, thats a tough spot. Sorry you're going through this. I'm kinda like you. I haven't "lost anything" either. Perhaps we haven't lost anything by drinking, but we certainly havent gained much either. I started doing yoga and it really opened up a lot of channels for me. I really do recommend it. And just pause once in a while and think about how good it feels to be not intoxicated and more aware of yourself and your surroundings.

I also just think about how horrible hangovers are and that helps me not drink.

least

I used to doubt my sobriety too, but there were so many benefits to staying sober that I got quite comfortable and stopped doubting.

PurpleKnight

Hey, hang in there, and focus on your initial reasons to quit.

I remember from your first thread that one of your children asked you to not have another beer, and as a result of boredom you drink from 5pm onwards, sure that may not cause the physical lose of your family, but is that really being the best parent you can be?

The initial period was tough for me too, I had exactly the same thoughts, but that's what our addiction wants, it hasn't had a drink in 9 days so it's going to try and spin a few fairytales and myths as to why this Sobriety thing is a bad idea.

We just need to push all the myths to one side!! You can do this!!

DoubleDragons

Yes, those thoughts are very normal in early sobriety, but they do dissipate with more time and appreciation of the sober life. I always liken it to the funeral of an SOB. He amazingly turns into a "saint" to everyone when he dies. You have to focus on all of the negative things alcohol is and all of the negative things that it did to you. Over time, you will easily see how the negatives totally outweigh any perceived "positives" drinking alcohol gave to you. I guarantee your kids like you better sober. I know mine do. They have told me so and I got off the elevator pretty early without losing any important people or relationships or tings in my life. I recommend the book Kick the Drink . . . Easily by Jason Vale. That book really helped me look at alcohol and drinkers in a whole new light.

Soberwolf

Your having a bad day it will pass

Being sober saves my life on the daily

Nonsensical

You don't want to be the guy at the AA meeting with the worst "I lost everything" stories.

My AV likes that trick, too. A day or 2 after abstaining during a big gathering. You didn't drink when everyone else was - you deserve a reward!

Rewarding sobriety with a drink is like rewarding cleaning with dirt.

Stay on your path. It's the way to true freedom.

DoubleFelix

Those are very common thoughts to be having. Most if not all of us have experienced them - it's our addiction speaking, not our wisdom. Quitting drinking is one of the rare things in life that offers only benefits. Stick with it and you'll see.

Mark1014

I relate to your feelings very much so2014. I'm 14 days in . Over the last few days, if I have too much time to think, I start mourning the loss of the 'fun' I'm missing out on and feel overwhelmed on the uncertainty I feel. But in fact I was miserable. It's a powerful mood and I hate it. In the past I have wondered why in the world someone would stay in an abusive relationship....but that's exactly what I've done with alcohol. Now that I feel good physically it's all too easy to forget that so many of the 'fun' times I had when still drinking ended up involving vomit and tears. Thankfully that dark mood has only been lasting an hour or two...it passes. I literally smile sometimes now before I even open my eyes in the morning when I realize I'm not hungover again. Please don't give up.

Hevyn

I felt that way many times so2014. It caused me to delay my recovery because I usually gave in to the feeling that I was missing out on something. I knew in my heart I would never be a normal drinker, but it took really bad things to happen before I was convinced. It didn't need to be that way.

so2014

THANK YOU all for your responses. I just really needed to hear this is normal. I did make a list of all the reasons I hate drinking, and try to refer to it. There's just the voice that says "it's fine. No-one else told you you had to stop drinking. If it was really a problem, someone would have intervened. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill." On the other hand, I know, as you've said, that I prefer to remember my experiences and conversations with my kids, I hate my hangovers, and no-way was 10 drinks a day not going to take a toll physically. I just want it SO BAD. I'm fine with all this higher power stuff from AA, but wish he would make it EASIER.

That said, one of the main things I'm enjoying about being sober is that I've given myself carte blanche to eat whatever I want for the next month or so (and since I'm not too hung over to hit the gym in the morning, hopefully it evens out!). So tonight, after AA meeting, I will be stopping at the grocery store. For cake. At least I can have cake.

bigsombrero

Question 1: What's the harm in drinking?

Question 2: What's the harm in NOT drinking?

Maybe you should ask yourself both questions. Then write the answers down on paper and see which list is longer.

luvmygirls

so2014, I am SO with you on the eating. Actually, I am TOO with you on the eating. Today I bought salt and vinegar chips, cookies, and Twizzlers. No gym yet, though. UGH.

Lusher

so2014, you are feeling exactly what I was feeling. I was not even unhappy about being an alcoholic, so I had no real desire to stop. Not yet anyhow.

I was 'shocked' into stopping by a phone call from my doctor's office in reference to very elevated liver enzymes (ALT / AST). This was a shock because I'm actually a very active, health conscious, person. (Other than the obvious) I got lucky and everything returned to normal, but I was pretty disappointed in myself for allowing it to get that far.

I felt like my life was turned upside down in a moment. My life was all about activities that centered around having drinks & fun, and I felt like that was taken from me. (Now that's pretty bad) As time went on I began discovering new things and the 'not drinking' was not so bad. I was a very heavy drinker as well, which included pretty decent withdrawals for a week. I say this to only illustrate how bad things had gotten for me.

I guess the point being, and as Thepatman said, your liver and other organs. If nothing else, that's a pretty good reason to stop.

Hang in there! Nine days is nothing to shake a stick at. You should be very proud of youself.

Anna

I 'did' have my husband and children ask/tell me to stop drinking and I tried to do it for them, I really did. But, in the end, I had to do it for myself. Do this for you, and let it be the gift you give yourself. You are worth it. And, alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will get worse if you don't stop drinking.

Inchworm

You can do this! I remember when purple knight reminded ME of my original post. AV be damned!

Weatherman77

Like you, I thought I wasn't "that bad" because I never drove while intoxicated, lost a job, or jeopardized my marriage. And while I was relaying this to a nurse, she just looked at me and said, "...yet."