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Old 10-13-2014, 12:19 PM   #1 (permalink)

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Being comfortable with ME - I want it back!

These days of sobriety have brought me a gift - a revelation....
Just occurred to me that drinking nightly masked the fact that , over time I had become uncomfortable with just being myself- alone - and just "being".

As a kid, till say my 30's I was perfectly happy just being home at night- doing whatever- but not NEEDING to be buzzed .
Going out with friends, enjoying hobbies etc....all w/o needing a mask.
Over time that changed.
Im not sure why. Maybe I dont need that answer.

BUT -I want it back!!!!!!!

I believe sobriety will restore it over time.
I look forward to being comfortable and at peace with me minus the Alcohol .
I think it will come.....
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Old 10-13-2014, 12:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hi living

a lot of people myself included hid behind alcohol I thought without drinking I would become boring, not the case I'm boring when I am drinking ,now I'm sober I'm slowly finding myself again and the fog is starting to evaporate

you by the sounds of it were an outgoing person before the drink

did something happen to make you drink more or make you feel you need alcohol to hide ?

regards charlotte
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Old 10-13-2014, 03:04 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi livingnow,

I totally understand what you are talking about.

I too was happy and comfortable being home and doing whatever, projecting, or going out with friends or my SO, without drinking.

At some I equated being content with the things I liked to do with having alcohol present. Then it evolved into doing social things or doing projects that make me happy with a beer or five as a companion to keep me company in my project.

Then at some point, it became I didnt really want to do those things without a few beers.

I still wonder about this too and I don't have a solid answer but I have my suspicions.

It may start out of boredom, or the pleasure of doing things that we once did is not as intense or gratifying as it used to so we augment it with the buzz of booze.

I wan't it back too and it does come back for the most part I found, but theres still a few things that are still difficult.

I haven't touched my model trains in almost two years because even though I love the hobby, it still is associated in my head with having a few beers while I worked on it. Im just not wanting to risk it.
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Old 10-13-2014, 03:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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That is one of the best parts of recovery.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 10-13-2014, 03:24 PM   #5 (permalink)
Be the best version of you
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No need to think itl definatly come !

just keep on keeping on
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Old 10-13-2014, 03:34 PM   #6 (permalink)

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I also am one that believe that over time your old self or a new one will start coming out.

Personally, having hidden behind a bottle for 20 years, falling in love with myself will take a bit of time.

Just keep going forward and you, we will get there.
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Old 10-13-2014, 06:14 PM   #7 (permalink)
Just a Sober ******* Now
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In my experience, yes, it's been one of the greatest gifts... Getting to know who I am and liking that person. Didn't happen to me overnight, but slowly and surely.
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Old 10-13-2014, 07:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
A Day at a Time
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I'm lost but now I am found

Verse from Amazing Grace
I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself

Came back to life 7.24.2009
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Old 10-14-2014, 12:29 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Absolutely one of the joys of recovery for me was finding myself again

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Old 10-14-2014, 12:39 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I think it will come too it's quite exciting really! Keep at it
It's never too late to be who you might have been

Different. Not Less.
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Old 10-14-2014, 07:08 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I'm starting to find myself also. I think I like me.
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Old 10-14-2014, 07:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Such a good reason to get and stay sober! I remember when I talked to someone from my EAP, the first time I tried to get sober. I basically gave her a laundry list of all the things I was doing while actively drinking: parenting, work performance awards, promotions, grad school, renovating a house, etc etc. I told her, "I can't wait to see how productive I am SOBER!" She basically told me to settle down and not think about "doing" as much as "being" OK with myself. Wise advice that I am only now ready to apply.
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Old 10-14-2014, 08:25 AM   #13 (permalink)

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I was like you too Livingnow .... content to do whatever and not having to have the crutch of alcohol. I know what precipitated my drinking - my sister was killed. I just basically gave in and gave up, not caring one way or another. In that weakness, booze took advantage and took over.
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