livingnow

These days of sobriety have brought me a gift - a revelation....
Just occurred to me that drinking nightly masked the fact that , over time I had become uncomfortable with just being myself- alone - and just "being".

As a kid, till say my 30's I was perfectly happy just being home at night- doing whatever- but not NEEDING to be buzzed .
Going out with friends, enjoying hobbies etc....all w/o needing a mask.
Over time that changed.
Im not sure why. Maybe I dont need that answer.

BUT -I want it back!!!!!!!

I believe sobriety will restore it over time.
I look forward to being comfortable and at peace with me minus the Alcohol .
I think it will come.....

countrysidegirl

hi living

a lot of people myself included hid behind alcohol I thought without drinking I would become boring, not the case I'm boring when I am drinking ,now I'm sober I'm slowly finding myself again and the fog is starting to evaporate

you by the sounds of it were an outgoing person before the drink

did something happen to make you drink more or make you feel you need alcohol to hide ?

regards charlotte

brickthrowing

Hi livingnow,

I totally understand what you are talking about.

I too was happy and comfortable being home and doing whatever, projecting, or going out with friends or my SO, without drinking.

At some I equated being content with the things I liked to do with having alcohol present. Then it evolved into doing social things or doing projects that make me happy with a beer or five as a companion to keep me company in my project.

Then at some point, it became I didnt really want to do those things without a few beers.

I still wonder about this too and I don't have a solid answer but I have my suspicions.

It may start out of boredom, or the pleasure of doing things that we once did is not as intense or gratifying as it used to so we augment it with the buzz of booze.

I wan't it back too and it does come back for the most part I found, but theres still a few things that are still difficult.

I haven't touched my model trains in almost two years because even though I love the hobby, it still is associated in my head with having a few beers while I worked on it. Im just not wanting to risk it.

Anna

That is one of the best parts of recovery.

Soberwolf

No need to think itl definatly come !

just keep on keeping on

Thepatman

I also am one that believe that over time your old self or a new one will start coming out.

Personally, having hidden behind a bottle for 20 years, falling in love with myself will take a bit of time.

Just keep going forward and you, we will get there.

thekl0wn

In my experience, yes, it's been one of the greatest gifts... Getting to know who I am and liking that person. Didn't happen to me overnight, but slowly and surely.

MIRecovery

I'm lost but now I am found

Verse from Amazing Grace

Dee74

Absolutely one of the joys of recovery for me was finding myself again

D

MavisTheFairy13

I think it will come too it's quite exciting really! Keep at it

Bailey3

I'm starting to find myself also. I think I like me.

luvmygirls

Such a good reason to get and stay sober! I remember when I talked to someone from my EAP, the first time I tried to get sober. I basically gave her a laundry list of all the things I was doing while actively drinking: parenting, work performance awards, promotions, grad school, renovating a house, etc etc. I told her, "I can't wait to see how productive I am SOBER!" She basically told me to settle down and not think about "doing" as much as "being" OK with myself. Wise advice that I am only now ready to apply.

ArtFriend

I was like you too Livingnow .... content to do whatever and not having to have the crutch of alcohol. I know what precipitated my drinking - my sister was killed. I just basically gave in and gave up, not caring one way or another. In that weakness, booze took advantage and took over.