BoatDaddy

As of this morning I am 22 days sober. Here is my story (the Readers Digest Version). I am 32 years old and a former US Marine that served in Fallujah Iraq in 2005 and now I am a successful insurance agent. Until recently I didn't realize I had been struggling with drinking for years. It all became too much this past summer when I reached my breaking point as my grandmother was struggling with altzheimers and I had to take over control to get her into a memory care facility. In retrospect I look at this as a type of intervention and it had a HUGE impact on my life.

I began drinking more and more to push down the feelings of dealing with my grandmother to the point I was having anxiety attacks the day after drinking. I researched the anxiety attacks and while I learned that alcohol could be a contributing factor I didn't realize that it was a snowball effect of years and years of suppressing any feelings at all. I continued to drink because I felt better when I did but the terror began the following day every time.

I finally sought help through a counselor. I made a commitment to stop drinking on December 14th and I have remained clean since then. I have been battling depression in cycles since I stopped drinking and my Dr has prescribed me an antidepressant that I just started 3 days ago. It's been really difficult to begin a new routine BUT the positive reinforcement is that I have lost 10+ pounds already, I am a better father, husband and employee. Stress drinking was the cause of all my problems and I am committed to living clean from here on out.

I would like to hear if anyone has Any pointers for me. Also, if anyone has guidance on the depression and when it will ease. I look forward to becoming a regular part of this community!

KateL

Hello!!! The depressions do ease after a while, defintiely. I did seek some help from my doctor at first which was a good idea xxx

Iluvdisney

Welcome Boatdaddy, congrats on 22 days!! I read your second paragraph, minus the grandmother reason I could have written that. The depression does get better, but don't be shocked if you go sometime without it and then get a blue day. I have found walking daily really helps me, and my mind can tell when I miss a day (darn snow). Keep up the great job and come here to read a lot, you will see how helpful the information you find will be.

safe2breathe

aside from just quitting drinking and seeing a counselor -- which is a huge step and congrats on your sobriety!!! --- are you doing anything else ... attending meetings or some kind of support groups? working through any problems etc ...for me not drinking was not enough to be happpy ... i had to get down to the roots of my drinking and depression and did that through the tons of sober support and a sponsor to help me through the 12 steps ...
maybe try reading the 9th step promises (even if you have read them) - if not give it a google or maybe swing by a bookstore and pick up a copy of the AA big book.

PurpleKnight

Great job on 22 Days!!

malcolmsloan

Welcome to the fourm, Boatdaddy. It sounds like you are taking some very positive steps. For me, action has been the key: not just quitting, but having a follow-through plan, realizing that sobriety is a process and I must work at it.

Welcome to the journey, it is all worth it.
*And thank you for your service, my friend. It is truly appreciated.*

BoatDaddy

We just joined a church and I am making a list of (sober) things to do as well. The depression seems to be worse in the evenings when I'm getting tired. TV makes me just anxious so I'm trying to play with the kids more and just be "in the moment". My wife is certainly my rock and we joined a gym together so staying active is also a goal. It's becoming more clear that alcohol was a way of life for me with everything revolving around drinking. So now sobriety is a lifestyle of its own so it involves more than just quitting alcohol. Thanks for all the support! It really helps.

safe2breathe

a lot of folks use HALT - avoid being HungryAngryLonelyTired - those are bad states for anyone to be in - but can be especially dangerous for recovering folk - especially when you start getting more than one together.

KatieA

Congrats on your sobriety! Drinking does make depression worse. I have battled depression forever, and in my experience, all you can do is:

* make sure to eat and sleep well. try to avoid sugar
* exercise daily. walk, walk, and walk some more
* keep active. never allow yourself to hang out with or befriend your depression. that just makes it worse

The best of luck!

Finnie

Really liked your post. Your description of your drinking life struck a chord with me.

bllit

congrats on 22days sober

BoatDaddy

Update: Today marks 38 days sober! A sober me is now becoming a way of life and I really am enjoying the mornings and sleeping well. VERY small waves of anxiety and depression still come and go but I am better equipped to handle this. And I just believe this is completely normal, I was just too accustomed to not feeling anything at all.

I am working out regularly too. Anytime I crave a drink I think about how I couldn't function to my complete potential if I were drunk. And is this who I really want to be? For me, when I am functioning at my highest level, life is a lot easier. Not really cruise control but I feel like I CAN handle anything. When I was drinking, I tried to limit activities to the bare minimum and this (I believe) leads to the snowball of depressed feelings of true joy. Deep down you know you're cheating yourself...

I struggled with labels like alcoholic etc but all I know is that I am better without it as I suspect 99.9% of everyone is. I used alcohol as a crutch and coping mechanism. My family and I deserve better and that's all I truly know. That's really enough for me.

Thank you all so much for the support! The fight is never over so I appreciate the continued uplifting messages yo all send. I suspect the overall good feelings will bring on a new animal to wrestle. "I feel okay now so what's wrong with drinking?" With continued support, I will prevail... It also helps to read my first post to remind me that I NEVER want to go there again.

Dee74

Congratulations BoatDaddy - I think you will prevail too

pioneer07

I just read your post and I am very happy to read it, you are giving such a very impressive information. Thanks.

curiousgirl

I feel u can conquer this with a mentality as long as your always present in the moment and want it bad enough!!! When u want it more than the vice, u will see it happen! I saw my bfs change so I know!

FeenixxRising

Well done BoatDaddy. It sounds like you have a lot to be sober for, so keep at it.

Didit

I am a few days ahead of you 33, I think! I do not like counting days...anyway July 31, was my last drink/drunk!! I went thru TOTAL HELL in detox...I was on my bathroom floor for 4 days, and I made it to bed on day 5! (my bathroom floor was not so clean, drunks DO NOT mop)....So, I am in a bad way...still have not mopped my floors..lol. I have liver issues and I did not know how sick I was until I stopped drinking! I hurt everywhere!! I am trying to read that Big Book...not much sense for me to read yet! INSOMNIA!! I have not lost much weight, but 3 inches from my waist (liver)!! Walking outside is great, and when the winter comes, I will go to the gym....Been there a couple times w/ wine in my water bottle! Hell, it looks like a "sports drink" to me! Yes, walking clears my head!!

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!

Dee74

Hi Didit

Sorry about your liver issues...have you seen a Dr?

D

Soberwolf

Hello nice to meet you boat daddy

kyle84

Depression is the thing that haunts you back for a long time, right? To me, it is nothing but an untouchable ghost and an abstract enemy that lets us down. As you are an insurance agent, I think you have to remain in public vicinity everyday. If not, you should find some ways to be because only your interactions with people can help you remove it.