matti78

I abused alcohol and benzos for years, in total denial I had a problem. I didn't recognize withdrawal symptoms for what they were, and they were mismanaged. I eventually quit drinking and withdrew from benzos, but naively trusted a doctor not properly trained in addiction to help with the process - eventually ended up on antipsychotics. Off all medication now, but the damage has been done. I now suffer from chronic agoraphobia, insomnia, anxiety, and perceptual problems that I believe to be permanent brain damage, along with physical issues. I destroyed my family and my life - I am probably going to need long term care soon; I don't think I will ever have a normal life again. I will walk out to meet my fate. Perhaps I can help prevent it from being someone else's.

I am 36 years old.

MavisTheFairy13

Hi matti
Thank you for sharing your story. Sounds like you've had a really rough ride as far as the anxiety, agoraphobia etc goes have you considered hypnotherapy (with your doctors approval)? I've suffered with mental health issues since I was a teenager and hypnotherapy helped me a lot, unfortunately I didn't try it till a couple of years ago at the age of 42. Do you have any support around you? (((hugs)))

ScottFromWI

Welcome matti. You have found SR now....and you are here, so all is not lost. Our bodies ( and minds ) have a pretty amazing capacity to rebound if we do the right things - all may not be lost. Have you been able to see a different doctor or therapist since your last bad expereince? I am sure it will be daunting but there are good ones out there. Many specialize in those with past addictions too.

biminiblue

I would also like to say that if you have hope and continue to seek your own solutions - you may find more healing than you thought possible.

matti78

Thanks for the reply. Not sure how much it would help - im fairly certain my issues are caused by structural brain changes caused by neural kindling due to the alcoholism. I'm hoping to find a doctor who knows something about such problems, but if it's possible to heal I think the only thing that will help is abstinence and time.

I was a fool who thought he was immortal, and I paid for it.

Altoids

Welcome to SR, Matti. Glad you found us. Thanks for sharing your story. You will find a lot of wisdom, support and even fun on this site.

hayley86

Welcome, matti78. You'll find a lot of support here. Glad you've joined us.

Anna

Welcome, Matti, and I'm sorry for your situation.

Please do not give up hope that the quality of your life can be improved.

least

Welcome to the family. I'm glad you joined us.

Soberwolf

Matti i relate to your story heavily the agrophobia, thinking i was immortal, insomnia, anxiety.

really glad to meet you want to tell you it gets a lot better my friend

i am 15 months sober tomorrow

see if this helps

http://www.cleanandsoberlive.com/ess...ean-and-sober/


http://www.anxietyslayer.com/journal...-anywhere.html

airwick

Matt: Recognizing that we have a problem allows us to receive help from others. I believe that you will find help here

Dee74

Hi and welcome Matti

Some of us here have suffered significant brain trauma - i had several mini strokes in an unassisted detox - it took a long time for the damage to right itself, but it did.

Personally I'd start working with another doctor - I was fairly certain I knew what was going on too thanks to my own research, but it turns out I was way off.

I think it's hard to be your own doctor - you need that outside perspective.

You might find things are a lot better than you think?

D

Hevyn

Hi Matti - please don't give up on yourself. I hope you'll keep talking to us. You're never alone.

Pipping

I made a mess of myself by thinking I was immortal and not caring or thinking about the consequences. Things improve the longer you stay sober. I had cancer and needed lots of surgery last year but that trauma is over and out bodies and minds can heal. I am one year sober and feeling do much better but you need to give it time. I have adjusted my work to less hours and have improved my diet which helps. I know what it's like coming off lots of meds it takes your body longer than you think, hang in there we are rooting for you!

Sasha4

Hi Matt

Welcome to our family.
You can be part of our family from now on if you want.
We understand, never judge, listen, empathise and care.
Sounds like you have had a rough time.
But from what you are saying now in terms of your help, things may be on the up for you.
Its never too late to try and make amends with family and friends. Maybe think about it when you are stronger?

I wish you the best xx

AlefVavResh

Matti - It breaks my heart to hear your despair. I pray that you will come to believe that you can have a life worth living.

Brains heal.

People who are told they will never walk again, walk. People who are told they'll die in six months, live. Happens every day. . . Just heard another story in a meeting a few hours ago.

Sasha4

100% agree with Dee too.

I once diagnosed myself with a very rare, soon to be fatal blood disorder over the internet.
I mentally worked out who got my prized possessions, hymns at my funeral, letters I needed to write to say goodbye.........
Turned out I had a stomach ulcer and was anaemic!!!

jryan19982

I was hooked on benzos as well. Rough stuff there. Glad you got off it. My ride was rough, but I just replaced it with drinking. Now I dont do any of that stuff.

Stick to being sober, and I do think you will find you get better. Good luck. Hang in there and keep it up.