Slumerican

I am currently using, but this past week has made me finally take action and get 100% clean and sober. I have tried in the past, a week here, four or five days there. The longest I've gone is three weeks. One drink sent me right back to where i left off. I abuse alcohol and drugs regularly, and i'm noticing a change in my personality and actions. I'm looking for help in any way. I heard a forum would be helpful, so here it goes. I used early this morning, so officially tomorrow will be my first day. Any advice would be much obliged, and I plan on posting regularly, hopefully it will help. Wish me Luck!!

Dee74

Hi and welcome Slumerican

My advice is to post here regularly - particularly if you feel in trouble or vulnerable.
You'll find a lot of support and good ideas here

D

Slumerican

Thanks! I think posting and reading other post will be good motivation, I'm sure I'll need it I'm still trying to get familiar with the format, but I look forward to this journey, and hearing other stories of success!

Dee74

are you thinking of other kinds of support too like AA or some other recovery group approach?

D

Slumerican

I've looked up the local meetings, still undecided. This is my first approach though

Dee74

Yeah no worries - Like I said, tons of support here and lots of different approaches

D

Pups

Welcome. I'm early here and found it very supportive and helpful and informative. Good luck

Quiet45

Welcome. I too am starting sober recovery again. I'm so tired of hiding behind the bottle.
I recently started therapy, which I'd highly recommend. Tried AA years ago, never stuck with it. SR has been a big help. Posting keeps you connected to other addicts. Good luck.

Chasingthedream

Welcome Slum, you've come to a great place.

Do you want to share any more of your story with us, it might help..

luvmygirls

Welcome, Slumerican. I've found reading and posting here to be extremely helpful. I think you'll find a lot of support and understanding here.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Slumerican!!

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR really nice to meet you.....good luck !

Slumerican

Wow! I'm surprised by the amount of responses, thanks for the welcome! I don't mind sharing some of my story, I think i need to let this side of me out somewhere. I keep my substance abuse hidden as much as possible, but the warning signs are there and they are getting more noticeable. That being the main reason I started looking for help. Meth is my drug of choice, been pretty steady on it for six years or so. And a very big drinker as well. I drink just about every day, and it seems like if I go out anywhere, or around anybody I start drinking and don't stop until I'm too far gone. The alcohol in my mind opens me up to relax and be more likeable...I guess. It's almost as if I cant have a good time without it....I'm just bored. I've tried quitting but never lasts longer than a few days. A couple years back i made it to three weeks, alcohol and drug free.
My other addiction, the meth is a little more troubling in my eyes. I quit smoking pot for my job about two years ago, no problem. But with the meth, it's a love hate relationship that i can't break, and i hear it doesn't stay in your urine long. Just another reason for me to use at work. It's gotten really bad lately, I haven't slept in a few days, I've been looking sloppy at work,(I work at an engineering plant with random drug screens), I'm down 20 pounds and countless other changes i've noticed.

THis seems to be a vicious cyle for me, I'll use, and run out. Start to feel guilty about destroying my body. Promise to quit. Yet as soon as i have the chance I repeat the cycle. These past few days dealing with my job and girlfriend I realize I'm not who I really am right now. This is the person I have become. Any advice or encouragement would really help i believe. I have no one to talk to about this.
My girlfriend knows i have used, and she is the first person besides other users that i told. And she still loves me. I made a promise to her that i quit, but i didn't. I still keep the lie up though, and it kills me. She questioned me the other day, asking if i was using. She noticed my personality swinging, becoming distant, and just acting weird. I don't like using in front of her, she deserves so much better. This is a fairly new relationship but I'm in love with her. I almost want to come clean to give an explanation for my actions, but i don't know if she can handle me lying to her, and break up with me. I know this is a lot, but this is the tip of the iceberg in my substance abuse. This feels real good putting it out to you guys tho. Any feedback would mean a lot to me.

MavisTheFairy13

Just wanted to say welcome and everyone here is so supportive. Just keep posting. Sounds like your girlfriend really loves you - could you be honest with her? Having her support will help

Buggirl

Welcome and well done for taking the first step towards recovery! We are here for you!

Slumerican

I am afraid to inform her that I have been lying to her yet again...Early in our relationship I made a bad decision, while drinking, and cheated on her. She knew that the girl and I had talked before, so one day she asked if I still talked to her, I didn't know if she heard something or what. So I came clean, told her everything. In a way I felt like I would earn her trust, but that's been up in the air lately. She has told me she has a hard time trusting me since then.

What if this is the last straw? What if she realizes dating an addict isn't in her best interest? My actions lately, they've caught her attention. I want to believe she will stay to help me through this, but the easiest way is to deny. I'm torn on how to handle this.

My plan as of right now is to come down off the meth either today or tomorrow, I haven't drank in the past two days, the high has been really taking over this time for some reason, and get back to somewhat normal and maybe come clean about it later after I've been sober for longer than a day or two....wishful thinking.

My last problem is the little bit of supply I have left just waiting for me to finish off, I just managed to force down some food for the first time since a half a slice of pizza for lunch yesterday. I'm not so spastic, and on edge right now. I experienced some very intense hallucinations this morning through the music in my earbuds and the poem I wrote simultaneously. Almost an out of body experience, but completely chemically induced...very weird vibes, almost disturbing in parts. Maybe it's from exhaustion, deliriousness, all I know is it isn't healthy. It may feel good at the time, but i've always been worried about my well being afterwards. What am I doing to my brain? You know...