Tina1234

Hi, this week i feel sad and confused. I feel like i lost the choice. I feel like i lost a chance to have a drink, i lost a choice to have a drink. I feel like it's too LATE now to start. Its just too late...i have no power...this is it...no alcohol for the rest of my life. It's like your friend died and there is no way back. Sounds weird, i know, my sponsor said i am going through grieving right now, that later sad emotion might turn into being mad. I am 6 weeks sober and i LOVE it, it's just somethimes it's nice to know you have a choice...well...not anymore. One more thing i noticed...i feel like just now i stared to think like 34 year old, like my maturity just kicked in...strange. Overall, being sober is where i want to be, dealing with the past, not so much.
Thanks again for all the posts...you are amazing people!

Mags1

Hi Tina, I read this on SR a while ago, not my own words, but, change that thought process around.

You haven't lost the choice.

You chose to be sober and you are 6 weeks sober and loving it, yay.

Your recovery is a challenge, but worth every step. Stay strong.

Dee74

I turned my life around at 40 Tina. It's never too late to be who you want to be.

I hope in time you'll consider this not a loss, but a wonderful new beginning

D

Wastinglife

Hi Tina, I sobered up at 34. 3 years on, I am not exactly where I want to be yet and still rebuilding my life but I have never been more hopeful about life. I am having difficulty with my past too. Tons of suppressed memories and emotions tend to hit me these days out of no where. This time I am just going to deal with them head on instead of drowning them in booze.

Stay the course, 6 weeks is huge!!

Lola23

Hi Tina

I know the feeling...I really do. There are times that I get sad that I messed up so bad that I can no longer have just a casual glass of wine on a Saturday night while watching TV. But you know what...we do have a choice. We are choosing this life of freedom, no longer tied to this THING that we know was killing us.

It's going to keep getting better.

MelindaFlowers

Hey Tina,

Six weeks is huge! I also mourned the loss of drinking as any sort of option. I like the idea that we are still choosing what we do, we're just choosing sobriety. Heck, we could all choose to drink at any time but we know that would be a terrible decision. I am thankful that alcohol has an immediate negative: hangovers. It would have been much harder to stop if drinking didn't cause hangovers. I'm glad I'm not giving up something that actually made me feel good or gave me pleasure.

Sure, drinking used to make me feel great. I felt free and silly and relaxed but that totally stopped a year ago or so. I choose to be sober because drinking made me feel awful in the end. No more happy buzzes no matter how hard I tried or how much I drank.

I think it's kinda empowering to choose sobriety. Not easy, but so important. We can't live happy healthy lives if we're drunk or hungover all the time.

Hawks

I was just talking with my grand sponsor (sponsors sponsor) about this earlier this morning.

Alcoholic thinking is childish.

His sponsor (my great grand sponsor) says all the time "what would an adult do?" in reference to how to deal with things in life.

It is a great question to ask myself sometimes ... especially when I'm on the verge of chucking my toys out of the cot & having a tantrum because things aren't going my way.

I am 42 years old, 6ft'2" and weigh 250lbs .... the outer world see's a full grown, adult, mature man.

Little do they suspect that on my worst behaviour, there is a spoilt 4 year old running the show, in my head.

The great thing has been that upon realising this, I can do something about it.

Ignore the 4 year old thoughts & act like an adult.

The more I do it, the more that habit forms.

Act better than I think & eventually I can think better (nearly) all the time.

Soberpotamus

Hi Tina, I see it as a choice I make to actually have a life I don't think any of us would choose alcoholism as our fate, you know. But we do have a choice in the matter of how we'll handle that knowledge.

I see it as a choice to have a quality life over succumbing to the quirk of addiction.