goose333

So I got an e-mail yesterday from a friend I used to work with. 'Its time we got together again ..." This is a bar event. Oh no! I'm at 20 days and I'm not ready to handle anything like that.
I used to love going to these. Used to get really drunk and had a great time. No way am I ready for this. Also, someone I work with would be there and I don't want it getting back to work that I didn't have anything to drink if I went. I'm not ready for that either.
I have to come up with an excuse why I can't go. Problem is, the date is generally adjusted to accommodate everyone. Why couldn't this have happened 6 months from now?

Goose

Gilmer

I usually don't recommend lying, but you could say you're sick...Or you could say that you're on an antibiotic that doesn't mix with alcohol...

FreeOwl

You don't need an excuse.


A simple 'sorry, I won't be making it. Have fun!' is fine.

You owe nobody any explanation beyond that.

In a meeting yesterday we discussed the notion of 'partying'.

What a silly code word for poisoning ourselves and talking about crap that never goes anywhere or we don't recall anyway.

Five year olds party. They put on funny hats and they make believe and they have fun in pure and simple joy.

Pouring toxic liquids into our bodies and making ourselves ill isn't a party. It's a waste of the precious gift of life.

Even a five year old knows that.

You won't be missing out - they will.

Soberwolf

I wouldnt go too soon imo

everyone is diffrent sobriety comes first

good luck friend

Nowsthetime

Im with Freeowl. No explanation needed. I simple I already have other plans or I won't be making it, should be enough. The other thing that I have found is that if I have a drink (cherry coke, water, whatever) people assume it's booze and nobody notices. I thought people were going to try to pressure me to drink at bars but I've just kept a drink in my hand and that's that. I have told my close friends and they are kind of supportive. That don't understand why I quit but at least they are respectful and don't push the issue. You are doing great and if you are not ready to be around it then just don't go. Remember that the only thing we HAVE to do in life is pay taxes and die. You can do this!!!

Overit23

Goose sobriety is the most important thing for you to focus on to stay well. Do what you have to do. If they are truly your friends they will understand and support your sobriety.

heath480

I have learnt there is no need for excuses.Just reply saying sorry you can't make it and wishing them all a good time.

goose333

Thanks for all the responses. I'll respond last minute that I just can't make it this time around. Perhaps next time. In another 6-8 months or so, I may be able to handle that. But I just can't right now.
Goose

Mountainmanbob

if we stay sober long enough
most of us come to a place in time
where we need not make an excuse for not wanting to go to a bar
or
once most all know that we are serious about continued sobriety
if seen at a bar they do not expect to see us with a drink in our hand
MM

Mark1014

Good plan goose. I'm not putting myself in those situations yet either. But when I do, I agree with the earlier post that true friends will be supportive.

livingnow

Good wisdom.
Dont change your mind on that!
As everyone has said, you do not need to explain yourself.

esinger

You can't live based on other peoples expectations. Living sober requires a paradigm shift in your attitude and actions. This is not always easy but quite necessary IMO. I wouldn't make excuses. I would just state that this type of activity does not fit your current lifestyle.
If they can't accept you as you are there is no future in the relationship with these people anyway. Getting clean is a good honest way of finding out who your friends really are.

Anna

That's a good plan, Goose.

Don't lie and no need to offer excuses.

Gronk

Either......don't drink, stay for a few and just quietly slip away. Nobody is going to talk about you not drinking, especially if you can only stay for a few minutes.

Or don't go. Nobody is going to miss you (sorry). People miss these all the time.

fridgey

underlying issue is that you don't care enough about yourself to say alcohol hurts me. Try saying that goose.

Lusher

Since I've quit drinking, I get a bit anxious if I'm invited to some type of a get together. Not so much for the reasons that you've mentioned, but because I find these events somewhat unsettling. Perhaps even a bit boring.

Not that I don't enjoy seeing my friends, but my life was all about the buzz. I just don't find these get togethers very fun without it. There's the temptation to drink, but there's also the temptation to be part of the fun, which for me can really only be accomplished by getting my drink on and laughing at dumb stories that would otherwise be boring.

So for me, I tend to steer clear. I suppose it's the price I pay for being an alcoholic.

Goose, 20 days is very good and something, although perhaps not as enjoyable, supersedes any party.

At the end of the day, would you rather ponder on how you added yet another day to your sobriety and feel proud about that, or feel let down, should you decide to attend a function and find yourself starting from day-1 all over?

You did smart in your decision!