ItsJustMe89

I am not feeling good about myself. I self admitted myself into IOP 5 weeks ago. It was supposed to be 4 night a week, 3 hours each night, for 5 weeks (a total of 20 sessions). And I completed the 20 sessions on Wednesday. But in all that time, I only had a total of 4 1/2 sober days. So I basically didn't change very much while I was there and I lied about my sobriety date so they wouldn't give me a hard time. But I know they probably knew I was lying anyway.

Now that it is over I feel like I didn't get as much out of it as I should have. Had I actually tired to be sober during that time. I feel like I wasted the money, opportunity, and support that was available to me. And I am in the same position I would have been if I didn't go there at all. I mean, I did learn things from going. But my life didn't improve.

I am wondering if I should keep going to IOP (because there is 6 months of free aftercare) for another 20 sessions and this time actually try. Or if I should just start going to meetings and find a home group and sponsor and put IOP behind me.

anattaboy

Why not do both? Lotsa support and accountability is a good thing.

ArtFriend

I hope this is taken the right way. You've heard the expression, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"? I think you need to decide if you are ready to "drink the water" or not before you sign up for another go. It is pointless if you are not ready. Just my opinion..good luck

luvmygirls

That's a bummer, but if you see value in the program and have the option to continue, it seems like a good idea. I'm sure you're not the first person who has done that, and they may see your honesty as a good sign. I self-enrolled in a non-intensive outpatient program, and although I didn't drink, I may as well have because I was still in denial about my ability to control my drinking (which led to a relapse about 6 months later). I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

doggonecarl

It's not the program that gets you sober. It's you working the program that gets you sober. Are you done drinking? Really done? Because as you've already seen, half-hearted efforts yield little when it comes to sobriety.

If you are truly committed to sobriety, any of number of recovery methods can accomplish it.

IOAA2

With anyone trying to be sober I’d suggest going to ANY length to be and stay sober.
It’s sometimes surprising that people hear something they need to and never drink again. Keep coming was a big factor for me along with the fact that if I didn’t pick up the first drink I would never have to try to get sober AGAIN.

BE WELL

ItsJustMe89

anattaboy, I agree, support and structure help. I don't know if I have the self disciple to be able to make it without that support in the beginning.

ArtFriend, I don't take what you said the wrong way. It is true. I obviously wasn't ready to take advantage of the help IOP could give me. And I didn't want to believe that I am alcoholic and needed to live sober. Its like I fought against it the whole time I was in IOP. But I feel like if I don't continue to try then I don't know how long it will be before I decide I am ready to "drink the water". All I know is that I am not a happy content person right now. So I will continue to stay that way until I make a change.

hopeful4

Go!!!! Admit to them how you feel, print off your post and take it to them if that makes you feel better. You know you can get a lot more out of it, go do it! Meetings and a sponsor would be good too.

You have a choice, continue on or do something to actually change your life.

24hrsAday

[QUOTE=ItsJustMe89;4947457] But in all that time, I only had a total of 4 1/2 sober days. So I basically didn't change very much while I was there and I lied about my sobriety date so they wouldn't give me a hard time. But I know they probably knew I was lying anyway.

until i got Desperate i could not stop drinking. it almost killed me. i know i have another drunk in me.. don't know about another Recovery though. it was very Hard in the beginning... Honesty is Huge. best of luck to you ItsJustMe89.

Weasel1966

IJM89 I did the very same thing back in 2005. It took some time after that to get straight but I eventually did and here I am.

Put the shame off to the side and keep trying. And be honest with yourself and others. Its the best thing you can do.

DG0409

From my experience, recovery starts with honesty- to ourselves and others. If you're going to continue with the after-care, I would tell the people there the truth. How can they help if they don't know where youare at?

While there is a lot of talk about 'hitting bottom' it is possible to look forward and decide that we don't want to wait until things get worse to quit. Alcoholism IS progressive and things will get worse. I don't know what has or hasn't happened to you, but waiting until things get worse isn't going to make your life better.

Take it a day at a time. Just commit to not drinking for the next 24 hours and to doing something for your recovery- SR, AA, IOP, etc. You had 4 sober days in there, you can do 24 hours. Then you just have to start stringing a few 24 hours together and you'll get there.

Nonsensical

These are two of the paths people take to sober living. There are many others, so you don't have to be limited to just these two options.

I tried many different paths until I found the right one for me.

If you think one (or both) of those paths would be helpful, start marching. If you don't, find another.

You continue to look for your answers, and that is a very encouraging thought.

Anna

I agree with Carl that it's about you and the work you are willing to do, rather than the program. Whatever route you choose to follow now, I hope that you commit yourself.

ArtFriend

I went to check out an IOP group back in March. I felt totally out of place. I was the only one there who was there by choice. Everyone else was court mandated. It was three hours of listening to this guy drone on (no public speaking skills) about whatever (so boring nothing stuck). Afterward, a overly cheerful counselor approached me and said, "so what do you think?". I said, "I will give it some thought and let you know". I could not wait to get out of there. And I continued to drink every night until recently.

My point is that I probably could have gotten something from this but I wasn't ready. Everything about it bothered me. The people there, the speaker, the counselor, the building, EVERYTHING! I was not ready. It could have been the perfect envrionment, perfect people, perfect everything and I would still find fault. I did not want to stop drinking.

So... I dunno how it is for you. This is my own example.

anattaboy

I think a lot of us forget how many failed attempts were part of the process. I have many. Eventually something does click for all of us and I dare say we were all in the midst of an "attempt" at the time. I was.