Addicted
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Addicted
Guess what I am and addict! I love mind altering substances, I love cigarettes, I love caffeine. I love the relief, I've done it all, I've lived quite the charmed life. Too boot, I've had hallucinations, thats right, hallucinations won't ever lie or hide that again. I've met Jesus Christ, lol, I've even thought I was the savior of mankind.
Addiction sucks, I've gambled and drugged my life to oblivion. Everyone is to blame, but me! I can't explain what its like to think you can save all humanity, I won't even try, its scary its a mentality unmediated that most wouldn't understand, but trust me at the time you really think what you're hearing and what is happening. Or at least that is what you think.
So many I've watched go to the wayside, I've watched my friends burn out on substances and die, its scary. So many people I've watched die of mental illness or kill themselves. I cry about that, most don't understand what its like to hear things that don't exist. Going from being a God, to taking a pill and realizing you don't mean **** hurts. Its surreal, and out of body and mind, its like going from the top to the bottom.
Now I am ready, now I am going to do rehab, I am posting because I am scared. Who the hell knows what is going to happen that is mental illness an paranoia, what can one do, I do what I can do.
I am posting about mental illness because most are scared, most don't know what is happening to them, most don't know the shame and fear that comes with it. Jeremy gets it (TDG) I understand it, I know what its like to think your going to die daily of anxiety. I know what its like to have voice telling you to kill yourself. I know what what its like to wake up at night and have someone tell you that your worthless or that they are going to get you. Sitting at guard at my door, standing guard at my door, guarding and lying about reality, the fear the anxiety the angst the reality of having mental problems.
Addiction I drank to remove those feelings, it never made the voices go away, but it made it better, it made them seem like they didn't matter. So many would watch and think I've lost it, I never lost it, I was living the reality my mind offered. I am a caring compassionate person, but I can't control m own mind that is all.
Folks consider mental illensss, don't look down on the " crazy person" ever we all have lifes, we all have family's we all have thoughts. Just because someone seems crazy don't laugh, listen to them, you might very well find they are just lke you, ans experience life differently, nothig is wong with being you.
I am postiing this because a near and dear freind told me today I am screwed up and crazy. I am not screwed up and crazy, i am me I will always be me, I am not always sane in the traditional sense, but I am real and honest. Damn anyone that says otherwise mental illness is real many treat it with alcohol, and they too are people who care and love life, they just can't control their own mind, NOBODY and I mean nobody will, can or ever will talk down to those people. I am lucky medicated i am doing better and function, but I won't ever forget the little addicted guy that medication doesn't do anything for.
Addiction sucks, I've gambled and drugged my life to oblivion. Everyone is to blame, but me! I can't explain what its like to think you can save all humanity, I won't even try, its scary its a mentality unmediated that most wouldn't understand, but trust me at the time you really think what you're hearing and what is happening. Or at least that is what you think.
So many I've watched go to the wayside, I've watched my friends burn out on substances and die, its scary. So many people I've watched die of mental illness or kill themselves. I cry about that, most don't understand what its like to hear things that don't exist. Going from being a God, to taking a pill and realizing you don't mean **** hurts. Its surreal, and out of body and mind, its like going from the top to the bottom.
Now I am ready, now I am going to do rehab, I am posting because I am scared. Who the hell knows what is going to happen that is mental illness an paranoia, what can one do, I do what I can do.
I am posting about mental illness because most are scared, most don't know what is happening to them, most don't know the shame and fear that comes with it. Jeremy gets it (TDG) I understand it, I know what its like to think your going to die daily of anxiety. I know what its like to have voice telling you to kill yourself. I know what what its like to wake up at night and have someone tell you that your worthless or that they are going to get you. Sitting at guard at my door, standing guard at my door, guarding and lying about reality, the fear the anxiety the angst the reality of having mental problems.
Addiction I drank to remove those feelings, it never made the voices go away, but it made it better, it made them seem like they didn't matter. So many would watch and think I've lost it, I never lost it, I was living the reality my mind offered. I am a caring compassionate person, but I can't control m own mind that is all.
Folks consider mental illensss, don't look down on the " crazy person" ever we all have lifes, we all have family's we all have thoughts. Just because someone seems crazy don't laugh, listen to them, you might very well find they are just lke you, ans experience life differently, nothig is wong with being you.
I am postiing this because a near and dear freind told me today I am screwed up and crazy. I am not screwed up and crazy, i am me I will always be me, I am not always sane in the traditional sense, but I am real and honest. Damn anyone that says otherwise mental illness is real many treat it with alcohol, and they too are people who care and love life, they just can't control their own mind, NOBODY and I mean nobody will, can or ever will talk down to those people. I am lucky medicated i am doing better and function, but I won't ever forget the little addicted guy that medication doesn't do anything for.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Each of us is a work in process Jeremy.
You're doing more work than most have to, but you seem to have the courage capacity and faith in yourself to deal with that.
If thats screwed up and crazy? gimme some of that, man
D
You're doing more work than most have to, but you seem to have the courage capacity and faith in yourself to deal with that.
If thats screwed up and crazy? gimme some of that, man
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
I take wellbutrin for mental illness. But I dont call it that, I just call it one of my quirks. Everyone has them, it just doesnt present itself in the same way in all people. And if anyone wants to look down on my because I do take wellbutrin and thinks that I should just tough it out, or its all in my head can go you know what themselves. Just because they dont understand, doesnt mean you have to prove it to them. But I understand the sadness it brings when a close friend doesnt understand and ends up hurting you. Luckily I have had the support of my friends during this time, and they all know why I havent been around as much. But one of those friends is also recently sober, so we keep in touch more often.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Oh and I saw the stairway to heaven, it was the allstate (insurance company) hands made of clouds and greatful dead bears dancing through the sky up into those hands... it was whack. But I'd never trade what I have now, for one second of the substance life... and I did a lot.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Jeremy, don't listen to someone who tells you that you are screwed up and crazy. You have mental health issues and you are working hard to help yourself. Be proud of what you are doing.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
