Argument "U R a phoney, u r not alcoholic!"
 

This is what I heard from someone after opening up on how glad and proud I was about my sobriety. Their argument is that since it was "soooo easy to just quit", I'm not a "real alcoholic". First of all, it wasn't easy, and it's still not easy. The fact that I didn't drink every day, the fact that I never drank alone. What an ignoramus! I am furious! Took me YEARS to finally get the courage to verbalized that I DO have a problem, and this is what I get?!?!? This person isn't a close friend but we do have the same social circle. I just wanted to stab him in the eye! How dare he call me a phoney for acknowledging my problem! The worse part is that he started taking sips of his drink and saying "yum" like taunting me or trying to get to me. Well I didn't show it but he did get to me.

I have read a lot about this today.

What is it with people thinking they know best?!?!

Thanks SR for letting me vent.

The problem is that a lot of people don't understand the nature of addiction. Family and friends who have never had a problem with it will never truly understand what we go through. They can try but they will never fully understand. For every person who thinks it's no big deal there will be 10 people in recovery knowing you've made a major. Chin up and keep on going.

**** him, and know that there is probably a warm spot in Hell for people like that.

Or/and... he is probably terrified about his own issues (alcohol or otherwise), and using the bravado to hide.

Never go near that person ever again what a weirdo

feel bad for you hang in there

Well done you for ignoring him! No one but you knows how difficult it is! I was discussing something similar with my partner last night about how people who do drink taunt people, I get it for being a veggie too! Folk just become unnerved by us I think and their defence is to attack and ridicule. Makes them feel better as they don't like others to show them up as having a problem and looking like the odd one out! He will eventually get bored and move onto someone else for being different! Keep strong!

Thanks guys. I feel better just posting about it. Calling me phoney and drama queen. What an a$$!

Those types of people aren't worth my spending time with.

I would file that away and never be in his company again. Life is too short.

Your friend has a limited view of addiction, and probably has the mentality of child. Try and brush this off and don't let it bother you.

What matters is your perception of and treatment of your drinking problem.

Guess you can cross him off your list of friends. What an idiot.

I would be happy to never have to see that guy again.
With friends like that, who the hell needs enemies?
So he gives you a hard time about NOT having an issue then goes onto taunt you with his drink? The guy sounds like a major DBAG.

I've experienced reactions similar to what you've described. Many, if not most people, really don't understand addiction. Most of my friends and family did not see me at my worst, so in their minds, I just need to "slow down", "pace myself" or "not overdo it". They see quitting for good as extreme and unnecessary. I could attempt to explain how bad things really were, but I honestly don't care to waste time doing so, and IMO attempting to explain my reasons for quitting is akin to justifying my decision, and I'm under no obligation to justify "not drinking".

These reactions, especially from family members, used to really bother me. I've had to learn to ignore their ignorance, let it go and move on. At the end of the day, I take pride in my sobriety and my ability to ignore ignorance.

Sounds like you handled it well and did the right thing Nowisthetime. The sad truth is that there are ignorant people in all walks of life, and you'll run across them from time to time. Some may truly have no idea what addiction is and mean no harm, some are truly trying to be hurtful for whatever reason. Either way, avoiding those types of people and situations is usually the best bet.

I would think that after reflection on his conversation with you at a later time, he may come to the realization that his response to your declaration was immature, insensitive, and juvenile. I have found with almost 2 years sober, that if folks like this cant share your appreciation for living healthy, than I have no time to waste on a relationship with them. Everyone has issues, ours just happens to be alcohol. If they aren't self-aware enough to recognize this fact, than I wouldn't think twice about leaving them behind.

It doesn't really matter what others think about you. Your 'friend' is not worth the energy you are spending on this.

Some people just don't get it, focus on you and your Sobriety, there's always gonna be critics in life!!

My read - in his mind, he's flirting with you and thinks he's just teasing. He obviously doesn't understand/respect your challenge. Not someone you need in your life if you can avoid it.

Same thing happened to me several times. I never drank daily, never in the morning etc. either. A few people were like "no way you're an alcoholic!" Soooo....after almost 6 years of sobriety I said to myself "maybe they were right...maybe I'm not!" I drank again & have been struggling for almost a year to string more than 3 days together. Finally...today I have 7 days.

What I realized about some of those people is they didn't want me to have a problem because if I had a problem then they did too because they drank more than me! I think they were just afraid to look at their own drinking.

Forget him and other people like them. They are toxic! I know it's hard when you're pissed but maybe even try praying for people like that.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Sorry you experienced this. Ditch this person, what a (insert polite a British insult here)

Focus in on your sobriety. Don't let this person derail you. They are probably highly jealous of your progress and don't wish to have to look at themselves.

Here's my favorite. "Treat toxic people with benign neglect."

Well, I almost died. That made it real *****! easy to quit. May God help that person if they ever say to me what they said to you, NTT.

Bunnez