andyroo72

Hey there,

I had this nightmare last night that I'd relapsed. It dawned on me today that I am actually terrified of drinking again. The idea of falling off the wagon is intensely scary to me. That might seem like a good thing, but I really don't think it is. Vigilance makes sense. Being wary makes sense. Managing my life so I'm not in risky situations makes sense. But this intense fear just seems so damn dysfunctional.

I've been sober for nearly four months now. I don't really have cravings (Naltrexone maybe helps with that :=) and my AV is actually pretty quiet. I'm feeling pretty wonky about this, though.

Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

Dee74

Hi Andy

I think most of us have that nightmare at some point.

Some people put a lot of stock in dreams and consider it's our deep subconscious manifesting itself, but I don't necessarily buy that in this case.

I still dream about high school, but I have no wish to go back there...y'know?

I used to be afraid of alcohol too...then I realised it's not going to ambush me...I'm the one that has to pick up...I have to decide to drink, go to the bottlo, buy the stuff, come back home, and drink it.

Even if the scenarios different. and it's a party or something, I still have the ultimate say in what I pour down my throat, yeah?

I guess here the real question is were you scared of this before the dream or did the dream spook you?

D

Hawks

I woke up from a drinking dream about this time last week.

I was convinced I had actually done it, the dream was so intense.

Very unnerving. But as I lay there and pieced it together, I could see it was just a dream.

I talked to my wife about it, admitted I was feeling very fragile as a result and she left me for about 15-20 minutes and it all melted away after I talked about it.

I think you'll find you feel better for having posted here and shared how much the dream effected you.

All the best mate

andyroo72

Thank you Dee :=]

I don't put much store on dreams- sometimes they can be fun, though. I kiss this sort of sense of disquiet has been kicking around my head for a few days. That dream sort of made me aware of how scared I am of firking things up.

It's really weird. This is the longest I've been sober ever. I'm getting pretty immersed in the AA thing, I've got a sponsor and I'm (totally surprisingly) feeling really really good about that. I'm really pleased with where my heads at- it's pretty foggy sometimes, but ya get that. Life's improving markedly in fits and starts (yes, that does make sense lol) and I'm feeling really happy.

I guess I've got this amazing cool new life and I so don't want to lose it. Maybe I'm just a worry wart. But:

That's totally it, really and thanks heaps for saying it. I'm bigger than I think. Just have to keep saying that. Thank you :=]

Hawks: Thank you, too :=] Totally talking is the thing. I felt pretty destroyed when I woke up, ya know in that moment when you're sure it's still real. But it aint and I am lol Take care.

Dee74

I had no confidence in myself either when I started my recovery - why would i? I'd been a slave to my desires for decades.

But...I grew and I changed, and the new me was a different proposition entirely

Sounds like the same is true for you too Andy

D

Soberwolf

Hope your feeling better Andy

MythOfSisyphus

I don't put much stock in dreams, either. Some of them are probably your mind working things out in your sleep but many others are just random stuff. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

endlesspatience

Bob Dylan once said: "You've got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you've got to still be asleep."

You're awake now and sober! Hooray!

Well done on four months.