Am I an addict also?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: NY
Posts: 2
Am I an addict also?
Im new here, kind of shy i guess you can say. how do i put this? Im not even sure if im posting the the right spot. Im sorry if im not. So my story is long and I have many questions. Hoping someone can hopefully give me some feedback negative or positive, just please try to be as honest as you can I wont get any help from false advise. 
Here goes... I met my husband when I was 13 years old, we had an akward begining to dating at that age, but who doesnt? No really, I was head over heels for him and he thought i was " hott" but was a "player" yes at that age, he lost his virginity at age 11 and began smoking pot at age 10. These are not things I knew right away. Anyway a friend of my I guess bribed him into dating me by giving him a bike?. We dated a few months and then we broke up bc i guess his family and friends didnt know me so they told him to break up with me he did. i dated someone else for almost 2 yrs lost my virginity to him and thought i was in love maybe i was? he broke up with me aswell but i never knew why. I still had feelings for the 1st guy but he had moved away by then. A few weeks later he called me, messaged me on the pc and told me how in love with me he was. his mother dropped him and his younger sister off near where I lived by themselves and went back to the state they had moved to. He came to be with me? Well he ened up living with his aunt. It was my 16th birthday and they had convinced me to run away to be with them and stupidly I did. I knew at that point he was smoking pot and ciggarettes, I also smoked ciggarettes and occosinaly smoked pot but never really liked it... got pregnant with our 1st son not too long after, I didnt smoke pot anymore but stayed smoking ciggarettes. He continued both. After our son was born I had a really hard time being a young teen mom and my mother ended up sharing custody with me of my son, I had him 3-4 aweek she had him the rest. His mother had moved back by then and we lived with her until my son was about 2 months old and she gave us her mobil home to ourselves. My boyfriend and I became drinkers, having parties regulary. He actually had alcohol poising and he to get rushed to the e.r. and his mother lied saying he never had a drink so he had emerency major surgery. We continued until about the age of I want to say 18&19 we then only drank occosionally. He continued to smoke both where I only smoked ciggarettes. I got pregnant with out 2nd son. He started cheating on me, and I found out he had a pill addiction, it wasnt too bad but thats where that started. After about a year he had to have major surgery and ended up being prescribed so many narcotics at once.he then became verbally abusive and somewhat physical and I left with my kids. He convinced me he would change and then he got off the pills and continued to drink.We had our 3rd child almost 3 yrs ago now. Our drinking led to phyical fighting eachother and our kids got taken away and placed in family's care for almost a year.At first I started doing pills hoping to stop being sad and not think about anything. and Then went thru outpatient rehab and after 5 months graduated. He started and got kicked out and then we moved and he had got kicked out again and now has been in outpatient rehab for almost 7 months but somehow continued to smoke and i think thats why he is still in there. When we got our kids back it was actually that I got them back and he couldnt be left unsupervised with out me with them. I know he is still smoking, he lies about it constantly, i smell it, and i have found paraphenila here and there but still lies. He cannot be with them alone until he finishes his rehab. I now am going though health problems and have narcotics myself but he will take them like i get 7 out of 30 with in 3 days. He buys them off the street and yes I take some of them too when I dont have any. I believe I am becoming addicted again but no where near as bad as him. I yell at him constantly about being greedy and not caring about me being in pain. He is constantly verbally abusive and mean but I can be too. our alcohol got us into legal trouble a year ago him more than me. He is on felony probation. He somehow does smoke even though I know he is lieing when he says he doesnt. My neighbors have seen him but I am in an area where people smoking is normal. His family will continue to bring him pills he will always take more than he gives me an he will lie about how many he has so he doesnt have to share. I think I need them bc of my pain but like I said I could be becoming addicted too. His family (mother, sisters,and brothers) always have and always will come b4 the kids and I. They will sneak him pot and pills or even alcohol and lie about it. They have physically attacked me for him and he never even apologized or felt bad. He threatens when we fight to have his mom break my nose again but thats usually when we are drinking or he is drinking. We DO NOT DRINK ANYMORE but sometimes when I fight with him over the way his family treats us I say something stupid about his mom and he threatens she will break my nose again. As of right now I am on narcotics for serious health issues and he will again take way more than I even have if possible and not care. Money is always missing and I do not have any controle over it ever. He states he hasnt a clue where it goes or he paid all the bills or whatever. As of right now Im fed up with everything but I dont think I can or know how to survive with out him. I have been with him now for almost 14years. Since I was a kid myself. I have lived with him since I was 16. I am so lost and confused but so sick of everything. How do I deal?
Do I stay and try to help us both even though he is already getting professional help that he isnt doing what really needs to be done or do i leave him? But how do you leave someone who you love with all your heart even through all you've been through? How do you leave someone you've been married to for almost 6 years, how do you leave someone you have been with for almost 14 years, how do you leave the father of your kids? If you do leave how do you tell your already tramatized children you left their father? Yes, he is a really good dad most of the time and the kids adore him! How do you survive emotionally? How do you survive finacially? How do you do your daily activites when you have never done them alone and your not sure you really know how? Please someone give me some kind of advice and be 100% honest. Thank you so much for listening to my long story of my life.
Here goes... I met my husband when I was 13 years old, we had an akward begining to dating at that age, but who doesnt? No really, I was head over heels for him and he thought i was " hott" but was a "player" yes at that age, he lost his virginity at age 11 and began smoking pot at age 10. These are not things I knew right away. Anyway a friend of my I guess bribed him into dating me by giving him a bike?. We dated a few months and then we broke up bc i guess his family and friends didnt know me so they told him to break up with me he did. i dated someone else for almost 2 yrs lost my virginity to him and thought i was in love maybe i was? he broke up with me aswell but i never knew why. I still had feelings for the 1st guy but he had moved away by then. A few weeks later he called me, messaged me on the pc and told me how in love with me he was. his mother dropped him and his younger sister off near where I lived by themselves and went back to the state they had moved to. He came to be with me? Well he ened up living with his aunt. It was my 16th birthday and they had convinced me to run away to be with them and stupidly I did. I knew at that point he was smoking pot and ciggarettes, I also smoked ciggarettes and occosinaly smoked pot but never really liked it... got pregnant with our 1st son not too long after, I didnt smoke pot anymore but stayed smoking ciggarettes. He continued both. After our son was born I had a really hard time being a young teen mom and my mother ended up sharing custody with me of my son, I had him 3-4 aweek she had him the rest. His mother had moved back by then and we lived with her until my son was about 2 months old and she gave us her mobil home to ourselves. My boyfriend and I became drinkers, having parties regulary. He actually had alcohol poising and he to get rushed to the e.r. and his mother lied saying he never had a drink so he had emerency major surgery. We continued until about the age of I want to say 18&19 we then only drank occosionally. He continued to smoke both where I only smoked ciggarettes. I got pregnant with out 2nd son. He started cheating on me, and I found out he had a pill addiction, it wasnt too bad but thats where that started. After about a year he had to have major surgery and ended up being prescribed so many narcotics at once.he then became verbally abusive and somewhat physical and I left with my kids. He convinced me he would change and then he got off the pills and continued to drink.We had our 3rd child almost 3 yrs ago now. Our drinking led to phyical fighting eachother and our kids got taken away and placed in family's care for almost a year.At first I started doing pills hoping to stop being sad and not think about anything. and Then went thru outpatient rehab and after 5 months graduated. He started and got kicked out and then we moved and he had got kicked out again and now has been in outpatient rehab for almost 7 months but somehow continued to smoke and i think thats why he is still in there. When we got our kids back it was actually that I got them back and he couldnt be left unsupervised with out me with them. I know he is still smoking, he lies about it constantly, i smell it, and i have found paraphenila here and there but still lies. He cannot be with them alone until he finishes his rehab. I now am going though health problems and have narcotics myself but he will take them like i get 7 out of 30 with in 3 days. He buys them off the street and yes I take some of them too when I dont have any. I believe I am becoming addicted again but no where near as bad as him. I yell at him constantly about being greedy and not caring about me being in pain. He is constantly verbally abusive and mean but I can be too. our alcohol got us into legal trouble a year ago him more than me. He is on felony probation. He somehow does smoke even though I know he is lieing when he says he doesnt. My neighbors have seen him but I am in an area where people smoking is normal. His family will continue to bring him pills he will always take more than he gives me an he will lie about how many he has so he doesnt have to share. I think I need them bc of my pain but like I said I could be becoming addicted too. His family (mother, sisters,and brothers) always have and always will come b4 the kids and I. They will sneak him pot and pills or even alcohol and lie about it. They have physically attacked me for him and he never even apologized or felt bad. He threatens when we fight to have his mom break my nose again but thats usually when we are drinking or he is drinking. We DO NOT DRINK ANYMORE but sometimes when I fight with him over the way his family treats us I say something stupid about his mom and he threatens she will break my nose again. As of right now I am on narcotics for serious health issues and he will again take way more than I even have if possible and not care. Money is always missing and I do not have any controle over it ever. He states he hasnt a clue where it goes or he paid all the bills or whatever. As of right now Im fed up with everything but I dont think I can or know how to survive with out him. I have been with him now for almost 14years. Since I was a kid myself. I have lived with him since I was 16. I am so lost and confused but so sick of everything. How do I deal?
Do I stay and try to help us both even though he is already getting professional help that he isnt doing what really needs to be done or do i leave him? But how do you leave someone who you love with all your heart even through all you've been through? How do you leave someone you've been married to for almost 6 years, how do you leave someone you have been with for almost 14 years, how do you leave the father of your kids? If you do leave how do you tell your already tramatized children you left their father? Yes, he is a really good dad most of the time and the kids adore him! How do you survive emotionally? How do you survive finacially? How do you do your daily activites when you have never done them alone and your not sure you really know how? Please someone give me some kind of advice and be 100% honest. Thank you so much for listening to my long story of my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 369
Hello. I read this post and couldn't ignore it. This sounds like a horrible and very dangerous situation for you and the children. It can feel complicated but you know in your gut the right thing to do to protect the health (mental and physical) of yourself and those children. As a new mom (and someone who grew up in an alcoholic home) I am acutely aware of the impacts of our actions and the environment that surrounds our children have on their development (trust, safety, attachment, achievement, education eye. Ec. Etc.). We have to give our kids every chance in life and sometimes that means choosing ourselves, sometimes taking a harder route for long term benefits.
I hope you seek help for the addiction issues that are haunting you. Additionally, there are resources available to find safe housing, job placement, education resources and other assistance to start building a safe, loving, sober, healthy (mentally and physically) home.
I hope you seek help for the addiction issues that are haunting you. Additionally, there are resources available to find safe housing, job placement, education resources and other assistance to start building a safe, loving, sober, healthy (mentally and physically) home.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,632
Hi AdDdD, welcome to SR. you have been and are going through a lot, I have no experience about.
I came from a family where my father was an alcoholic and I grew up and fell in the same pattern.
There is a lot of experience and help here, someone will be along soon more familiar with your experiences.
((((Hugs))))
I came from a family where my father was an alcoholic and I grew up and fell in the same pattern.
There is a lot of experience and help here, someone will be along soon more familiar with your experiences.
((((Hugs))))
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I sincerely hope you start looking for some answers in or around your community...support groups, addiction outreach..transition homes for women perhaps. You need to start making connections with folks who can hear and help. There are answers..but we must seek them. You do not have to live this life..you can start making new choices..taking new actions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: NY
Posts: 2
Im so sorry that I havent gotten back to any of you for your helpful advice. I have been in and out of doctors and the hospital over the last week for my health problems. I thank you all for your advice but as you know its easier said than done. Im in need of a total hysterectomy and am worried about having support now after the surgery and hoping that the problem with the narcotics doesnt get worse as I know and so does the doctor that I will be in need of some def pain management after the surgery. THank you all and I am hoping I can come and check in more often. 
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