First Post to Introduce Myself :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Indiana, PA
Posts: 2
First Post to Introduce Myself :-)
I decided to register on this website because I have a lot of questions about life as an addict in recovery AND relationships with other addicts in recovery. I have been clean ( and sober ) since June 17, 2013. Until recently, I have kept my head down, stayed in close contact with my sponsor, made a lot of meetings but really haven't gotten overly involved with the socialization aspect.
Since I'm new, I don't know whether questions related to relationships are welcome ... not only relationships with the opposite gender but how to nurture friendships. I wonder what's normal, if I offend anyone by being too forward or by not being friendly enough, and how not to drop off into isolation again.
Since I'm new, I don't know whether questions related to relationships are welcome ... not only relationships with the opposite gender but how to nurture friendships. I wonder what's normal, if I offend anyone by being too forward or by not being friendly enough, and how not to drop off into isolation again.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
First of all, congrats on the clean time!
Welcome to Sober Recovery. If it relates to your recovery, you have every right to ask it.
And relationships are a key aspect, and forging new, healthy ones a challenge to the person in recovery.
Do you have a specific question?
Originally Posted by SerafinaDllRose 
Since I'm new, I don't know whether questions related to relationships are welcome ...
And relationships are a key aspect, and forging new, healthy ones a challenge to the person in recovery.
Do you have a specific question?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi Serafina,
Welcome and congratulations on your recovery.
I think your point about how to nurture friendships is a good one. It wasn't until I was in recovery that I began to set boundaries with friendships and to figure out what I wanted to give and to gain from a friendship.
Welcome and congratulations on your recovery.
I think your point about how to nurture friendships is a good one. It wasn't until I was in recovery that I began to set boundaries with friendships and to figure out what I wanted to give and to gain from a friendship.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Indiana, PA
Posts: 2
Wow - Amazing Responses!
Surprised to check in a few hours later and actually find greetings and welcomes :-)
A couple of questions for now --- Right now I have a sponsee who is incommunicado - she used to call every day and now nothing. I want to drive out to her house to make sure she's alright. I'm worried about her and my sponsor said it was ok, if I had concerns, to give her a call. I've called her a couple of times and she seems happy to hear from me ... but she hasn't initiated any phone calls to me and she hasn't been at any meetings for the last week or so. Is there anything else I can do to help her with whatever is going on?
The other question has to do with protocol as far as becoming friends or dating. Again, my sponsor and I have discussed a particular situation but I wonder how everyone else handles it. Is it generally accepted that folks with a year or more shouldn't hang out with folks new to the program? I have a guy friend with a little under 6 months --- we have been touching base one way or the other every day for the last month, I guess. Am I fooling myself in thinking it's an innocent friendship? He's aware that he needs to work on himself rather than date and I have an understanding that members with less than a year are particularly vulnerable.
Thanks for any feedback ...
A couple of questions for now --- Right now I have a sponsee who is incommunicado - she used to call every day and now nothing. I want to drive out to her house to make sure she's alright. I'm worried about her and my sponsor said it was ok, if I had concerns, to give her a call. I've called her a couple of times and she seems happy to hear from me ... but she hasn't initiated any phone calls to me and she hasn't been at any meetings for the last week or so. Is there anything else I can do to help her with whatever is going on?
The other question has to do with protocol as far as becoming friends or dating. Again, my sponsor and I have discussed a particular situation but I wonder how everyone else handles it. Is it generally accepted that folks with a year or more shouldn't hang out with folks new to the program? I have a guy friend with a little under 6 months --- we have been touching base one way or the other every day for the last month, I guess. Am I fooling myself in thinking it's an innocent friendship? He's aware that he needs to work on himself rather than date and I have an understanding that members with less than a year are particularly vulnerable.
Thanks for any feedback ...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 51
Hi SerafinaDllRose, welcome! I live in a town too small to be anonymous in AA so I have never had a sponser or a guy friend in AA, so I can only tell you what I would do generally.
If I am worried about someone, I call them up and tell them. I let them know that any time they would like to talk, I am here for them. Then I let it go.
If I had a friend who I liked but we both seemed to be on the same page re: the rules regarding dating, I would wait. He seems to know he needs to work on himself first, and they year rule is there for a reason. Flirting is fun. Wondering is fun. Six more months isn't all that long, and if you have a solid friendship it will be there later, and if you like each other more, that will be there later too. Good luck.
If I am worried about someone, I call them up and tell them. I let them know that any time they would like to talk, I am here for them. Then I let it go.
If I had a friend who I liked but we both seemed to be on the same page re: the rules regarding dating, I would wait. He seems to know he needs to work on himself first, and they year rule is there for a reason. Flirting is fun. Wondering is fun. Six more months isn't all that long, and if you have a solid friendship it will be there later, and if you like each other more, that will be there later too. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Welcome Serafina! I agree with islandgrrl. I think, with your sponsee, all you can do is let her know you are there for her. The rest really is up to her. As for dating someone with less than 6 months-maybe just wait? Not an area I have any experience with as I have been married for almost 25 yrs.
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