My six year old and my emotions
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
My six year old and my emotions
My daughter just came back from her fathers. Her father in a nutshell: verbally abusive, threw me out when I was 8 months pregnant because I didn't have the proper smile on when I walked in the door from yoga, I slept in the car several times because he kept throwing me out, I lost two jobs because I had to pick her up from daycare which was 5 min from his work...I was 2 hours away, he thinks his life and his job as a barber are more important than say a cop or fireman, he doesn't believe my brother is a cop, when I first filed child support he threatened to take my daughter away and hurt me, I withdrew the court order, when I (3 years later) got the balls to take him he surprised me w a lawyer and I got screwed. I had to move due to constant harassment. I have to drive 3 hours one way twice a month so he can see her, I get 400 a month in support, he never leaves his house w the kids (he has a son from another which is a really awful story) he won his son from the mother and then gave him up for adoption. He just wanted to show her....much more to list.
It hurts me that my daughter worships the ground he walks on. He puts her in front of the tv all weekend when he has her and he sleeps on the couch. She wanted to go to the zoo and he said no cuz the animals have fleas...and she worships him. I quit drinking so I could be better to her. She says I have too many rules. Am I supposed to talk to her about this? Why does she seem to like it better there than here. While in school she only sees him once a month. It really angers me and hurts my heart. It angers me so much I want to repeatedly punch his head until it explodes.
Sorry, just being honest. How do I work through this? Ask any questions you need to help me get answers. This is an issue I have been drinking away for 6 years. It's time to address it.
It hurts me that my daughter worships the ground he walks on. He puts her in front of the tv all weekend when he has her and he sleeps on the couch. She wanted to go to the zoo and he said no cuz the animals have fleas...and she worships him. I quit drinking so I could be better to her. She says I have too many rules. Am I supposed to talk to her about this? Why does she seem to like it better there than here. While in school she only sees him once a month. It really angers me and hurts my heart. It angers me so much I want to repeatedly punch his head until it explodes.
Sorry, just being honest. How do I work through this? Ask any questions you need to help me get answers. This is an issue I have been drinking away for 6 years. It's time to address it.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
I'm really sorry you're going through this. This sounds slightly similar to something my neighbor went through. She is very high-achieving and structured (she's a physician and a competitive athlete) and her ex-husband is not a very nice guy and has anger issues. Although her kids worshipped their dad when they were younger, they are starting to wise up to him now at ages 7 and 9 (especially her older one, her younger daughter still seems a little oblivious). So, age may be a factor for your daughter...she may not see him for who he truly is yet. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Sorry to hear about your situation, countrygirl, it's painful. Child's love is unconditional and every kid wants both parents. In a divorce situation children often crave the one they're not living with (especially if they're going to do whatever they want there!) It will sting, that's normal. But carry on doing what's right and your daughter will wise up eventually. I wouldn't talk to her about it, unless there's a specific issue to discuss. It's not her job to make you feel better about this, she's struggling with it too. Be the best parent you can be for her and the best person you can be for yourself, and things will work themselves out. Think about ways to work on your acceptance of the situation. Do something nice for yourself when your daughter goes there. And above all don't drink! Lots of patience to you. 
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 167
Our daughter (my step daughter) began to see who her father really was as she grew older. He is a selfish man and is only concerned about his own needs. He would keep his furnace on low during the winter months and when we got our daughter back from her weekend visitation she would be sick. He thought a fun game was to hide her favorite stuffed animal in his oven. She ultimately didn't want to go for her weekend visits and my wife's Ex didn't seem to mind because he viewed them as an inconvenience.
You did a great job getting off of the alcohol. You did it for yourself and your daughter. Its times like these that require a clear head and that would have been impossible if you had still been drinking.
She will ultimately see him for who he really is. Any child at an early age would think its fun breaking from the routine and being allowed to do things they are normally not allowed to do. Try mixing in some theme days or nights like candy and junk food day or all day movie day, host a sleepover, wear your clothes backwards for the day, etc. Show her rules and structure are important but its OK to once in awhile do something silly and fun. Without bringing up the Ex, I think you should have a general conversation with her about the importance of rules and try to imagine a world without rules.
You did a great job getting off of the alcohol. You did it for yourself and your daughter. Its times like these that require a clear head and that would have been impossible if you had still been drinking.
She will ultimately see him for who he really is. Any child at an early age would think its fun breaking from the routine and being allowed to do things they are normally not allowed to do. Try mixing in some theme days or nights like candy and junk food day or all day movie day, host a sleepover, wear your clothes backwards for the day, etc. Show her rules and structure are important but its OK to once in awhile do something silly and fun. Without bringing up the Ex, I think you should have a general conversation with her about the importance of rules and try to imagine a world without rules.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by ghostdad 
She will ultimately see him for who he really is. Any child at an early age would think its fun breaking from the routine and being allowed to do things they are normally not allowed to do. Try mixing in some theme days or nights like candy and junk food day or all day movie day, host a sleepover, wear your clothes backwards for the day, etc. Show her rules and structure are important but its OK to once in awhile do something silly and fun.
) If you announce it with enough excitement and slap on a fun title, they love it. Happy Homework Hour!!! Uh-uh, nope, not allowed to frown at the Happy Homework Hour!
Without bringing up the Ex, I think you should have a general conversation with her about the importance of rules and try to imagine a world without rules.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh my, you have went through so much. I admire the changes you are making in yourself to make a better life for your daughter. She is young and at this point cannot recognize his crap behavior. In the future that will change, and she will turn to you.
Is she in counseling? If not, I highly suggest it, it has helped my 8 yr old immensely!
XXX
Is she in counseling? If not, I highly suggest it, it has helped my 8 yr old immensely!
XXX
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
As others have pointed out, a child may attach importance to the parent that isn't there simply because of that lack of availability. What we don't have becomes more precious than what we have: even we adults tend to do that.
But that doesn't mean that her emotions are based on his performance as a parent, as you have observed.
You might be creating a lot of unnecessary grief for yourself by exaggerating your child's feelings, elevating a simple case of "attraction" to "worship".
The last couple of posters brought up some good points: as children get older the rosy picture starts to turn to real life colors. You mention that you quit drinking so you could be better to her. Well, I am sure you are a much better parent sober! Give yourself a little break and be proud of your accomplishment. Your daughter will show you how much she appreciates you as she grows older.
But that doesn't mean that her emotions are based on his performance as a parent, as you have observed.
You might be creating a lot of unnecessary grief for yourself by exaggerating your child's feelings, elevating a simple case of "attraction" to "worship".
The last couple of posters brought up some good points: as children get older the rosy picture starts to turn to real life colors. You mention that you quit drinking so you could be better to her. Well, I am sure you are a much better parent sober! Give yourself a little break and be proud of your accomplishment. Your daughter will show you how much she appreciates you as she grows older.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 16
That sounds just insane! You are right to feel every emotion you're feeling. You're obviously a good parent who wants the best for her daughter. I'm going to reinforce some earlier posts- I grew up as the little girl in a situation somewhat similar to this. My dad had less privileges than your ex, but I saw him once a month and he was my best friend for the longest time. He wasn't a horrible dad... but he was also a coke dealer when I was a baby, is a raging alcoholic to this day, and in general is kind of an abrasive *******. With a certain charm. I still love my dad to death, but I also see him for who he really is now that I'm older.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I also left my abusive husband 7 years ago with 3 and 5 year old children. For the first few years my youngest idolized him and preferred him. My oldest witnessed and was also a victim of verbal abuse so he never truly trusted his dad. As they've gotten older they can see him and his angry ways for what they are. It's easy to manipulate a small child... but it gets harder to deceive them as they grow older. My opinion is that your daughter will eventually see through your ex's ********. But I know that it's hard while you're going through it.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
If someone gives a kid their way all the time (ie sleeping on the couch while watching tv or eating junk food etc) will always worship them... But was someone else said, once they get old enough to realize that they are bored and would rather do other things, it will all change... hang tough and stick to your guns/rules.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I have been through something similar.
My ex wanted no more children.
Then he had an affair with a woman with 2 young, boys and walked out on us in the afternoon and was moved in with her by the evening.
He runs round after her kids.
My daughter goes for 4 hours on a saturday.
She is 4.
He left us 1 year ago as she turned 3.
I get fed up.
I work full time, have no family close.
I am tired all the time.
In the early days, she idolised him. He could do no wrong. She would wake up and the first thing she said would be 'when can I see daddy'. If we fell out, she wanted him. She even used to shout out for him if she woke in the night.
Someone once told me when they were going through the adoption process for a child, they were taught as part of the parenting course that children will show most love and thanks and need to the parent that gives them consistent care. This was from observations of children who were being adopted because they had been in danger or neglected or left to fend for themselves.
So a child will always want to be with the parent that has rules but also the parent that loves them all the time, supports them emotionally, keeps them clean, keeps them well fed, washes their clothes and provides clean clothing for them, makes sure they sleep well at night at a decent time in a warm bed. The parent that ensures they have clean hair and brush their teeth. The one that reassures them if they are scared or worried. Gives them medication when they are ill. Or warm milk if they cannot sleep.
I take pride in making sure my daughter is well fed, healthy, clean, happy and warm. My house is kept clean, warm and it is safe and welcoming.
My bed is always there for her to share if she wakes early or has a nightmare.
I read to her every night.
I then cuddle her and I tell her I will never leave her, will always be here for her and if she is ever worried she can tell me and I will never be cross.
Then she falls asleep.
Her dad can do silly fun dad acting.
He struggles with the rest.
He is insensitive and cannot recognise when she wants a cuddle or to talk. He can only do daft dad or play fight dad.
She also now see's he will do things for 2 other kids that are not his, but not always do what she wants to do.
Now, she spends some time with her dad, but refuses to sleep over or be there longer.
She wants to come home to me.
Thats not my problem to fix.
I am just there for her when she wants to come home.
People used to say to me that my daughter will appreciate all this when she is older.
I used to say, I cannot wait 10 or 14 years until she is older for her to appreciate everything.
However now, I feel she appreciates this NOW.
Its taken nearly a year to get here, but its happened.
She tells me how much she loves me, how I am her best friend.
I still think as she grows up she will see her dad for the man he is - or in his case, really is not. He is not a man. He is a coward and acts like a manchild.
My life is quite dull. I do school run, work, school pick up, wash, clean, cook, bath, sleep.
It still beats the life I had before though -hangovers, rows with him, being chaotic, being upset, being angry. drinking to rid myself of it all.
I will be 3 years drink free in Feb 2015.
I know its hard.
But keep doing what you are doing.
If you can see that the mundane tasks like cooking, washing clothes, the activities, the sleepless nights will make her recognise you as the best mum, her rock, the one she won't want to be away from for long, you will get through it.
Keep loving her, looking after her, having boundries but with lots of fun too.
Its paid off for me. It will for you.
I really, really wish you the best.
You CAN do this.
xx
My ex wanted no more children.
Then he had an affair with a woman with 2 young, boys and walked out on us in the afternoon and was moved in with her by the evening.
He runs round after her kids.
My daughter goes for 4 hours on a saturday.
She is 4.
He left us 1 year ago as she turned 3.
I get fed up.
I work full time, have no family close.
I am tired all the time.
In the early days, she idolised him. He could do no wrong. She would wake up and the first thing she said would be 'when can I see daddy'. If we fell out, she wanted him. She even used to shout out for him if she woke in the night.
Someone once told me when they were going through the adoption process for a child, they were taught as part of the parenting course that children will show most love and thanks and need to the parent that gives them consistent care. This was from observations of children who were being adopted because they had been in danger or neglected or left to fend for themselves.
So a child will always want to be with the parent that has rules but also the parent that loves them all the time, supports them emotionally, keeps them clean, keeps them well fed, washes their clothes and provides clean clothing for them, makes sure they sleep well at night at a decent time in a warm bed. The parent that ensures they have clean hair and brush their teeth. The one that reassures them if they are scared or worried. Gives them medication when they are ill. Or warm milk if they cannot sleep.
I take pride in making sure my daughter is well fed, healthy, clean, happy and warm. My house is kept clean, warm and it is safe and welcoming.
My bed is always there for her to share if she wakes early or has a nightmare.
I read to her every night.
I then cuddle her and I tell her I will never leave her, will always be here for her and if she is ever worried she can tell me and I will never be cross.
Then she falls asleep.
Her dad can do silly fun dad acting.
He struggles with the rest.
He is insensitive and cannot recognise when she wants a cuddle or to talk. He can only do daft dad or play fight dad.
She also now see's he will do things for 2 other kids that are not his, but not always do what she wants to do.
Now, she spends some time with her dad, but refuses to sleep over or be there longer.
She wants to come home to me.
Thats not my problem to fix.
I am just there for her when she wants to come home.
People used to say to me that my daughter will appreciate all this when she is older.
I used to say, I cannot wait 10 or 14 years until she is older for her to appreciate everything.
However now, I feel she appreciates this NOW.
Its taken nearly a year to get here, but its happened.
She tells me how much she loves me, how I am her best friend.
I still think as she grows up she will see her dad for the man he is - or in his case, really is not. He is not a man. He is a coward and acts like a manchild.
My life is quite dull. I do school run, work, school pick up, wash, clean, cook, bath, sleep.
It still beats the life I had before though -hangovers, rows with him, being chaotic, being upset, being angry. drinking to rid myself of it all.
I will be 3 years drink free in Feb 2015.
I know its hard.
But keep doing what you are doing.
If you can see that the mundane tasks like cooking, washing clothes, the activities, the sleepless nights will make her recognise you as the best mum, her rock, the one she won't want to be away from for long, you will get through it.
Keep loving her, looking after her, having boundries but with lots of fun too.
Its paid off for me. It will for you.
I really, really wish you the best.
You CAN do this.
xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Thank you guys for all your honest advice. Sasha, congrats on your three years! All of your stories are very inspiring.
Of course this ate at me all day. So when she got home from school, keeping her father out of it for the most part, I asked her what rules she had a problem with. It resulted in her giggling and saying "I don't know". So I took out a dry erase board and wrote her three chores and her five common sense rules, like sitting in her chair right and not talking while eating, brushing her teeth... I also talked to her father civilly earlier today. Now I'm starting to think I don't have enough rules! She is not allowed to have paper, glitter, glue...she is very artistic and I let her make her things. Glitter, glue, markers...they never mess up my house. She is very good with that stuff. She isn't allowed to play with her dad's dog. Now I wonder if I'm too lenient! What the heck?! She isn't allowed to play hide and seek there...basically has to sit quietly and play with her dolls while her father naps and her brother plays video games. She isn't allowed video games. Ooooh I'm getting mad again. Women are garbage to him. Even his own daughter.
Of course this ate at me all day. So when she got home from school, keeping her father out of it for the most part, I asked her what rules she had a problem with. It resulted in her giggling and saying "I don't know". So I took out a dry erase board and wrote her three chores and her five common sense rules, like sitting in her chair right and not talking while eating, brushing her teeth... I also talked to her father civilly earlier today. Now I'm starting to think I don't have enough rules! She is not allowed to have paper, glitter, glue...she is very artistic and I let her make her things. Glitter, glue, markers...they never mess up my house. She is very good with that stuff. She isn't allowed to play with her dad's dog. Now I wonder if I'm too lenient! What the heck?! She isn't allowed to play hide and seek there...basically has to sit quietly and play with her dolls while her father naps and her brother plays video games. She isn't allowed video games. Ooooh I'm getting mad again. Women are garbage to him. Even his own daughter.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I have been through something similar.
My ex wanted no more children.
Then he had an affair with a woman with 2 young, boys and walked out on us in the afternoon and was moved in with her by the evening.
He runs round after her kids.
My daughter goes for 4 hours on a saturday.
She is 4.
He left us 1 year ago as she turned 3.
I get fed up.
I work full time, have no family close.
I am tired all the time.
In the early days, she idolised him. He could do no wrong. She would wake up and the first thing she said would be 'when can I see daddy'. If we fell out, she wanted him. She even used to shout out for him if she woke in the night.
Someone once told me when they were going through the adoption process for a child, they were taught as part of the parenting course that children will show most love and thanks and need to the parent that gives them consistent care. This was from observations of children who were being adopted because they had been in danger or neglected or left to fend for themselves.
So a child will always want to be with the parent that has rules but also the parent that loves them all the time, supports them emotionally, keeps them clean, keeps them well fed, washes their clothes and provides clean clothing for them, makes sure they sleep well at night at a decent time in a warm bed. The parent that ensures they have clean hair and brush their teeth. The one that reassures them if they are scared or worried. Gives them medication when they are ill. Or warm milk if they cannot sleep.
I take pride in making sure my daughter is well fed, healthy, clean, happy and warm. My house is kept clean, warm and it is safe and welcoming.
My bed is always there for her to share if she wakes early or has a nightmare.
I read to her every night.
I then cuddle her and I tell her I will never leave her, will always be here for her and if she is ever worried she can tell me and I will never be cross.
Then she falls asleep.
Her dad can do silly fun dad acting.
He struggles with the rest.
He is insensitive and cannot recognise when she wants a cuddle or to talk. He can only do daft dad or play fight dad.
She also now see's he will do things for 2 other kids that are not his, but not always do what she wants to do.
Now, she spends some time with her dad, but refuses to sleep over or be there longer.
She wants to come home to me.
Thats not my problem to fix.
I am just there for her when she wants to come home.
People used to say to me that my daughter will appreciate all this when she is older.
I used to say, I cannot wait 10 or 14 years until she is older for her to appreciate everything.
However now, I feel she appreciates this NOW.
Its taken nearly a year to get here, but its happened.
She tells me how much she loves me, how I am her best friend.
I still think as she grows up she will see her dad for the man he is - or in his case, really is not. He is not a man. He is a coward and acts like a manchild.
My life is quite dull. I do school run, work, school pick up, wash, clean, cook, bath, sleep.
It still beats the life I had before though -hangovers, rows with him, being chaotic, being upset, being angry. drinking to rid myself of it all.
I will be 3 years drink free in Feb 2015.
I know its hard.
But keep doing what you are doing.
If you can see that the mundane tasks like cooking, washing clothes, the activities, the sleepless nights will make her recognise you as the best mum, her rock, the one she won't want to be away from for long, you will get through it.
Keep loving her, looking after her, having boundries but with lots of fun too.
Its paid off for me. It will for you.
I really, really wish you the best.
You CAN do this.
xx
My ex wanted no more children.
Then he had an affair with a woman with 2 young, boys and walked out on us in the afternoon and was moved in with her by the evening.
He runs round after her kids.
My daughter goes for 4 hours on a saturday.
She is 4.
He left us 1 year ago as she turned 3.
I get fed up.
I work full time, have no family close.
I am tired all the time.
In the early days, she idolised him. He could do no wrong. She would wake up and the first thing she said would be 'when can I see daddy'. If we fell out, she wanted him. She even used to shout out for him if she woke in the night.
Someone once told me when they were going through the adoption process for a child, they were taught as part of the parenting course that children will show most love and thanks and need to the parent that gives them consistent care. This was from observations of children who were being adopted because they had been in danger or neglected or left to fend for themselves.
So a child will always want to be with the parent that has rules but also the parent that loves them all the time, supports them emotionally, keeps them clean, keeps them well fed, washes their clothes and provides clean clothing for them, makes sure they sleep well at night at a decent time in a warm bed. The parent that ensures they have clean hair and brush their teeth. The one that reassures them if they are scared or worried. Gives them medication when they are ill. Or warm milk if they cannot sleep.
I take pride in making sure my daughter is well fed, healthy, clean, happy and warm. My house is kept clean, warm and it is safe and welcoming.
My bed is always there for her to share if she wakes early or has a nightmare.
I read to her every night.
I then cuddle her and I tell her I will never leave her, will always be here for her and if she is ever worried she can tell me and I will never be cross.
Then she falls asleep.
Her dad can do silly fun dad acting.
He struggles with the rest.
He is insensitive and cannot recognise when she wants a cuddle or to talk. He can only do daft dad or play fight dad.
She also now see's he will do things for 2 other kids that are not his, but not always do what she wants to do.
Now, she spends some time with her dad, but refuses to sleep over or be there longer.
She wants to come home to me.
Thats not my problem to fix.
I am just there for her when she wants to come home.
People used to say to me that my daughter will appreciate all this when she is older.
I used to say, I cannot wait 10 or 14 years until she is older for her to appreciate everything.
However now, I feel she appreciates this NOW.
Its taken nearly a year to get here, but its happened.
She tells me how much she loves me, how I am her best friend.
I still think as she grows up she will see her dad for the man he is - or in his case, really is not. He is not a man. He is a coward and acts like a manchild.
My life is quite dull. I do school run, work, school pick up, wash, clean, cook, bath, sleep.
It still beats the life I had before though -hangovers, rows with him, being chaotic, being upset, being angry. drinking to rid myself of it all.
I will be 3 years drink free in Feb 2015.
I know its hard.
But keep doing what you are doing.
If you can see that the mundane tasks like cooking, washing clothes, the activities, the sleepless nights will make her recognise you as the best mum, her rock, the one she won't want to be away from for long, you will get through it.
Keep loving her, looking after her, having boundries but with lots of fun too.
Its paid off for me. It will for you.
I really, really wish you the best.
You CAN do this.
xx
But I was motivated by Sasha's post to say I really wish I had you as a Mom growing up, Sasha.
I can hear the exhaustion and love coming through your words. I can tell there were many doubts and fears as you found the best way to parent your daughter and as you fought to get sober through these trials. I can tell you are still finding your way and it's pissing you off that you've had to do double work to make up for your ex-partner's shortcomings.
I grew up as the daughter of an alcoholic mother and I am a 39 year old alcoholic woman now myself. With no husband, no children due to my drinking.
I so needed the consistency you are now providing. I didn't know it, but as a child, I craved it. I needed it but heck yes, I definitely would have rebelled as well and looked for the 'easier and more fun' parent. But if I had what you're doing, it would've worked wonders on future me as hard as it would have been on you to consistently enforce the loving rules you mention.
I would have called you every name in the book and at 4 years old, I probably would have pooped in your shoe and blamed it on the dog. And as a child, I would have grown to depend and lean upon you as a sober, loving and sometimes stern mother.
And my dream childhood if we base it on what I just said would be to have my Mom as a trusted advisor, someone I could get really really silly with, someone I could tell how pretty she is, ask her for advice instead of hiding every piece of me away from her knowledge, enjoying her beauty, enjoying her stories and intelligence. My great lady that would always tell me amazing things about her life and let me know the real deal about every situation, with truth and from her eyes.
I never got that. I got the Mom that couldn't cook Thanksgiving dinner bc she came home so drunk that her ankle got twisted in the seatbelt coming out of the minivan and we found her passed out in a concussion in the driveway the next day and my 17 year old sister had to cook a frikkin turkey...
But my point isn't about my life history, it's just that I'm reflecting that I really would've loved my mother to be sober and consistent in regards to what was expected of me as a person that needs to be present and contribute in our family and in our lives.
So please know that I heard you tonight, Sasha. And this little girl who is 39 years old appreciates you as a great mother doing the hard work of forming your 4 year old daughter into a great person I can't wait to meet out in the future world one day as a loved, loving, educated, disciplined and elegant young lady.
I'm so sorry you are tired, Sasha. I understand tired. A lot. But please know every single one of your rules are important and help your baby girl. Even when it seems you are fighting against her, she is just fighting against inconsistencies.
Please stay strong, it's exhausting to be an adult. There are no prizes but I would certainly give you one if I could. Goodnight, Mom, job well done.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Sasha is amazing. I am so glad she posted this. I work at night, for now, it's all I could find. I didn't sleep at all last night due to my significant others drunken sleep, lashing around all night and snoring he was, I finally fell asleep and 2am my daughter came up with a nightmare. I went down and slept in her room with her, as groggy as I was, had her explain the dream to me so I could understand and sympathize. And as she slept, I thought of Sasha's words and realized I am ok. I am mommy. I'm hoping to land a huge job in the new year which will give me my nights back. I am taking several classes and tests and certifications to get there. Patience and time.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Originally Posted by countrygirl2014
Sasha is amazing. I am so glad she posted this. I work at night, for now, it's all I could find. I didn't sleep at all last night due to my significant others drunken sleep, lashing around all night and snoring he was, I finally fell asleep and 2am my daughter came up with a nightmare. I went down and slept in her room with her, as groggy as I was, had her explain the dream to me so I could understand and sympathize. And as she slept, I thought of Sasha's words and realized I am ok. I am mommy. I'm hoping to land a huge job in the new year which will give me my nights back. I am taking several classes and tests and certifications to get there. Patience and time.
Every time I want to flop on the sofa and think let just have chocolate for tea, I remind myself that I am better than that and also better than him.
That way I don't find myself drowning in angry thoughts.
Its not easy though and I am no way perfect, I am still reminding myself to act, think, behave this way, it does not come naturally all the time.
I do wish he would disappear in a puff of smoke or fall down a bottomless pit.
I think that life would be easier if he was not around.
Yes I would be more tired, but I wouldn't have the stress of trying to co-parent with him.
Thats something I have to work on. I hate the fact he will always have to be in my life.
I actually don't want his financial contributions.
I am secure without him. He is the one with financial problems.
But again thats something I have to consider and deal with.
But you are okay, you really are.
You are better than okay, you are great and believe me if you carry on you are destined for great things with your little one.
Wishing you the best xx
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Thank you so much. Boy that sounds like me, him falling down a pit, me not needing his financial contributions...
Thank you.
I'm going to go make some Halloween decorations with my daughter tonight, I was lucky to have tonight off work!
Thank you.
I'm going to go make some Halloween decorations with my daughter tonight, I was lucky to have tonight off work!
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