hopeful4

Dr Phil has an app called Dr. On Demand. You get I believe 20 or 25 mins with a doctor via basically facetiming from your cell phone. It may not be ideal but better than nothing! I hope you feel better!

Meraviglioso

Oh that is a great idea, thanks for posting. I know that having a history with a doctor is best, as is being seen in person. That said I don't really trust my doctor here for a number of reasons. She gave me a huge (dangerous from what I read online) dose to start, and secondly, suggested that I have a test drink while on antabuse (something that hasn't been done for decades in the US). I'd like to just ask a few questions and get some clarifications on my symptoms. I'll check that out!

melki

Hope you feel better soon, Meraviglioso! Use whatever works to help you through, but I agree with biminiblue wholeheartedly:

YOU ALWAYS HAD IT WITHIN YOU TO QUIT ON YOUR OWN. ALWAYS.

Meraviglioso

Just an update, I am feeling a little better now. Still really exhausted, but not as weak. For example, last night I went to bed at 21:30 and woke up at 6:45, hit the snooze 4 or 5 times before finally getting up at 7:30. I dropped the kids at school and went to the gym but wasn't able to do much. I am sleeping so much but still so tired all the time.

I have to say, it is really frustrating. The last time I made it this long without alcohol I was feeling on top of the world. This time I am much less energetic and enthusiastic about it. I am on day 10 now, a big accomplishment for me but I don't really care, just kind of wading through the days.
I guess what is important is that I am not drinking but I'd like to find that enthusiasm again.
I was able to find a private doctor, I have an appointment for Monday. I want to talk to him about the antabuse and the other medications and vitamins I am taking in addition to my overall level of energy. I also am curious is he has other suggestions for my sobriety.

I've got a wedding to attend this Friday. There is no chance I'll drink with the antabuse in my system, I am sure of that, but I am worried about having enough energy to make it through the event. The wedding is at 18:00, I'm sure there will be cocktail hour, toasts, dinner will be served somewhere between 21:00-22:00, then cake, dancing, etc. It is going to be a long night.

Also, for anyone considering antabuse, I had read that it helps with cravings. I can't say for sure, but I think it helps with the psychological aspect of the cravings. I have still had to fight off cravings, but it is much less complex. The cravings come, for sure, but it is just physical discomfort I experience. There is not much that happens in my head because I immediately know that the end result is a big NO. There is no longer a negotiation going on with my AV, the medication immediately wins out.

This has made it clear to me I still ahve work to do to get my mindset into that of "I am a non drinker" The medication is helpign right now until I can get there. I am anxious to get to see my psychologist on Monday as well, that and the other doctor should provide me some good help at the beginning of next week.

Still sober, that's what counts.

MarathonMan

Mera - stick with it, it sounds like you're really fighting the good fight......just bear in mind if you can wade through everything your alcohol addiction throws at you this time then you will never ever have to do this or feel like this again.

Now you've made it to 10 days you should hopefully be through any physical withdrawal so it will all be an upward curve in how you feel going forward. Just hold on to the thoughts of what you've been through to get to where you are and know that you will never go back because you never want to go through it again

Sending you strength from the UK.

Meraviglioso

Thanks Marathon Man. I do need to consider that I probably was going through withdrawals the past week, which could have been a big part of the tiredness. I think the medication IS a part of it, but I hope that now that the withdrawals are over, the tiredness will begin to diminish some.
I am trying to eat plenty of healthy foods, drink a lot of water and continue in the gym as much as I am able.
Oh and soon it if your turn for the tiredness!!! How many more months until your baby arrives????

MarathonMan

Mera - good that you're keeping healthy but with the gym try and remember you're healing and if you feel tired and need to rest for the first week weeks at least ditch the gym if you need to and rest, read a book and have a lie down. I know when I quit I feel backing of the exercise almost like an admission that I'm struggling but this time that's exactly what I've done because I realised I needed to rest and not allow anything else to stress me out.

My baby is due on New Years day which feels kind of symbolic to me....new year, new baby, new start.....went to the midwife the other day and both mother and baby are happily enjoying the pregnancy trouble free.

Meraviglioso

Yes, i am trying to take it easy. Fortunately the gym I go to is an appointment only center that my boyfriend owns. He is a personal trainer, a very good one. So all of my workouts are planned by him and he of course is well aware of my situation. He has been giving me some different lighter workouts to just keep the blood moving instead of any real strength training. He studied the medical side of the antabuse (what it does to the brain) and has said I should not enter into any "lactic acid" phase during my workouts. Not sure what that means but it made me feel cared for and I fully trust him. I also knwo my own body and am fine to tell him if I feel like I can't do something. Keeping with my appointments at the gym is something that helps me though. I like the routine, the getting out of the house and the feeling that I am doing something positive for myself.
I have found myself napping though, something I rarely allowed myself before. Even just 30 minutes here and there is helpful.
I knwo it will get better, unfortunately patience is definitely not a virtue I possess!

Meraviglioso

Day 11 and pushing through. I woke up at 7 this morning with a little bit of effort, but not as bad as the past days. I am wondering is part of my weakness/exhaustion could have been just plain withdrawals and not so much due to the medication.
I am planning to stick with the decreased dose until I see the new doctor on Monday. I hope he will take time to consider the whole picture and give me solid advice on how to proceed.
I don't want to get too confident here, we see what happened last time. I am feeling more sure abut going forward without alcohol though. I think I needed the medication to get out of the cycle and take a rest from the internal battle. I was planning on staying on the medication for 5 months or so. However, if the doctor suggests I stop the medication on Monday (will be two weeks) I will be ok with that. Nervous, yes. But just having a break of two weeks has been helpful. As mentioned I also start back with my psychologist on Monday.
I really like to analogy of urge surfing. It does feel like that. At first, when you have no idea how to surf you are all over the place, getting slammed down into the waves and each wave of craving is long and difficult to handle. As you learn to surf it becomes easier and you can stay on top, navigating the wave with great balance as to not fall. I have noticed I am getting a little bit better about riding through those cravings. I am not sure if it is the medication or I am just learning more but it has been easier. I feel it coming on but am able to stay on top of things and not fall too far down into the frustration and anger.

Have a great day everyone. I am really thankful for 11 sober days. Writing it out it seem like nothing, but I tell you what, it feels like it has been months.....