james186

I don't think I've really wanted to face up to that before, but I don't want to drink or be drunk ever again. All the fun has gone. It's no longer relaxing or pleasant, it's chaotic and messy. In other people where I used to see fun, I now see damage; I see people self medicating and trying to drown their demons. I also recognise it in me, or a past me that no longer needs to do that. Time to quit for good.

I think drinking last night was a learning curve, and the last one I'm going to need.

Hawks

Hi James

Your avatar is spot on.

Question is, how are you going to live a positive life with a mind that keeps leading you back to a drink & the negative consequences that follow ?

Sheffield Beginners Big Book Monday

259 Pitsmoor Rd

Time: 19.00
Postcode: S3 9AQ

Take ten quid to buy a Big Book

All the best !!

PickleMan

Best of luck James but in my experience, saying FOREVER, is just a way of overwhelming yourself and potentially setting yourself up for failure

Dont put that kind of pressure on yourself straight out of the gate. 1 day at a time. I know you hear it all the time in recovery but it really is the truth.

If you are set on setting goals for yourself, then set the goal of a week. Then a month. But dont start off with FOREVER.

Best of luck man! If you ever need anything, feel free to PM me

Dee74

I really hope you can make this your ultimate turning point James.

D

goose333

Recognizing the problem and having the desire to quit is a huge step. Now that you've made that decision, stick with it. When the going gets tough just remember all the reasons why you have made that decision.

Regards
Goose

MarathonMan

James- last time I quit I got to four months....I spent most of time thinking about how I would tackle next years holiday or what I was going to do for Xmas....I forgot to focus on just not drinking for today and slipped up almost with out thinking it through.....I had massive defenses set up ready for xmas etc but nothing in place for now.

Don't get bogged down with forever and the future just worry about today and this week. Also go to meeting if you can, you are obviously struggling to do this alone (as I was) and SR might not be enough on its own, the extra re enforcement from like minded people has a very therapeutic affect in my (up to now) limited experience.

I hope you're forever starts today but you'll need to get through today and tomorrow before you can get there.

Trying2bhappy

Hi James,
That's exactly how I felt about alcohol before I quit 5 weeks ago and I really don't miss it!!! Good luck and like most people say take it one day at a time!!!

gracetuesday

your post made me think of this quote from the chapter "There is a Solution" in the AA Big Book.

"We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help."

For me, the term "spiritual help" has come to mean something like "be willing to let go of something that no longer works for me."

In the end, my drinking was not enjoyable; in fact, it was quite horrific. The fact that I CAN actually imagine what it would be like to "go on to the bitter end... blotting out the consciousness" is frightening.

Today, I choose not to drink. Alcohol has nothing to offer me but misery and death.

Wishing you courage and strength on this journey! It is by no means easy! But, there are many here who understand exactly how you feel.

james186

I don't think my problem is the actual alcohol any more. It's the inability to say no in social circles. I've reached a point in my life where I think I can put alcohol behind me, but I struggle with avoiding the first drink when it's offered. My initial response is 'no thanks' but on being asked repeatedly, I usually cave in. I don't think alcohol is my main problem any more - my lack of assertiveness is. When I'm on my own or with certain people who don't drink, I never decide to have a drink any more.

I hate being drunk now, but I still end up that way and then resent people because I felt pressured into it.

P.S. Thanks for the AA Address.

james186

That is pretty much how I feel at the moment.

MelindaFlowers

Sounds like this is your time! Mine was last June. Something physiologically changed and I could no longer enjoy it. I couldn't even reach a pleasant buzz. I felt sick all the time and alcohol totally lost its appeal. When we get to that point we are done! You got this.

james186

I'm already stressing about a trip abroad I/we have coming up, wondering how I'll avoid booze. I'm also stressing about the thought of having to be more aggressive in turning down; it sounds like a small thing but I'm not someone who enjoys confrontation and I know that's exactly what it will be (with some people anyway).

I know I need to think small to achieve big and I'm trying not to overthink things, but it creeps in. I know day to day is the way to go and have try and not get overwhelmed.

I must admit, it would be nice to meet some people in the same boat as me...

Hawks

No worries

So you actually have a "sober living problem" James.

In other words ... "how do I function in the big bad world, without resorting to a drink"

Its not cool your mates kept on pressuring you, but that is also part of life. People say & do dumb stuff .... some times they do and say dumb stuff a LOT.

Peer pressure wasn't always the reason you drank right ?

You would have willingly, without any encouragement what so ever, gotten yourself proper & rotten drunk plenty of times.

Alcohol is just how we handle life & stopping drinking is only a small part of the solution to learning how to handle life without resorting to booze.

Good luck with the meeting if you decide to go mate

Nowsthetime

Hello: it took me the courage to say "for ever" to finally give me the next push. It doesn't have to be a negative thing or an unrealistic goal. I'm almost to 7 months and I will never drink again and will forever stay sober. Your thinking becomes your actions so I don't think those words have to be a bad thing...

ScottFromWI

There is a place within walking distance of your house that is full of those people, and you know they meet 3 times a week. The only thing stopping you from meeting then is you.

Nothing is going to change until you take action James, it's as simple as that.

freshstart57

James, lots of people decided to quit drinking, AND they decide to quit for good. Leaving the door open to drink tomorrow in order to stay sober today just didn't make any sense to me. In fact, the joy of knowing I would never be sick with the shame and guilt, the depression and anxiety, was a big part of the joy of deciding to quit drinking. There is no reason to deprive yourself of that massive life-changing feeling of relief.

I chose to live a positive life, James, and it started with making that vow to never drink again and to never change that decision, no matter what. Once the alcohol was gone, things sure brightened in a hurry.

You can do it. Believe in yourself. Empower yourself and take control. It's up to you.

Mark1014

Hi James, in my first few days on this site I've tried to glean some common principles that apply to those here that have maintained long term sobriety. I am a planner by nature but definitely agree with pickle and marathon in their posts. I was becoming overwhelmed yesterday trying to figure out all of the 'what abouts'. I am now actively pushing that out of my mind and only only only looking at today. Its an effort for me but also liberating and I'm confident that most, if not all, of my questions about the future will in fact work out better this way. Hang in there and I am rooting for you!

livingnow

This may help
Re read your post here - pretending it was a friends post..someone you need to help
What would you tell this friend???

james186

I've just started reading it online.

anattaboy

Having a drink in hand (anything non-alcohol) usually stops those trying to get you one in social situations. Congrats on saying the forbidden. "I don't drink!" works for me at 4 months as it did on day 1 though I rarely have to use it."And never will" is just doing everything else in life--heck, these days that is enough. Congrats on giving up the high cost of low living.