Stayingsober72

Hi. I'm on day10-yay! But feeling oh so alone. Everyone I know is out drinking somewhere and I feel like my social life is over. I know this is self-pity but I just needed to vent. Thanks.

GotGrace

Hey, congratulations on 10 days! That's huge! I hope you are proud of yourself!

Yes, early sobriety can feel weird and lonely. Everything is different. Plus, weekends can be tough. Please hang in there. Each weekend gets easier, and you are going to find new things and friends to keep you entertained.

Better days are coming. Don't give up now!

owington

Hey, well done on ten days. I have the exact same problem as you. I pretty much cut all my friends out my life when I stopped drinking as thats all I ever seemed to do with them. I started exercising and walking a lot but did feel lonely most of the time. When I started seeing my old friends the drinking started again and now I'm back to week one. I just hope this time I've learned that going back to my old friends and habits wasn't the answer to being lonely. Good luck

Stayingsober72

Thank you GotGrace. I really appreciate that.

Mark1014

Hi, I'm 6 days in so far. Yesterday was a big college football day in my area and I had to turn down watching with the guys.....no way I could do that yet....beer goes with football around here. Anyway, I understand how you feel and made a similar post yesterday. I don't know how my new social life will be, but that's not my biggest problem now, drinking is. Someone made a simple but great suggestion to not think about that except one day at a time. That's gonna have to be my approach or I will get overwhelmed. Stay the course!

PurpleKnight

For me that "social life" ended, but with every end of an era can be the beginning of something new, a new "social life"!!

I no longer go clubbing, drinking down the pub watching the footie or go to beer/wine festivals, but that's ok, what I realised was the universe doesn't revolve around alcohol, there are loads of people out there who don't drink having a fantastic time on their weekends.

Hang in there, it's gonna take time, you just need to figure out some new activities for your weekends, and then that means meeting new people and a whole new social life I never realised even existed!!

Billymac75

Congrats on 10 days! I worked and socialized in a huge music scene for the last 15 years. I had to stay away from all that for a good 6 months and was constantly worrying that I would never have fun socializing or going to see music and friends. At just a couple days over a year, I go and do all those things. I draw some boundaries and feel so good and positive that I have little to no substantial interests in drugs or alcohol I see everything in a whole new light. I would hit lots of meetings and talk to folks early on. It makes a big difference and you will feel a little better every new day. You can do it!

SonomaGal

I don't know if this will be the case for you, but within a couple months of getting sober, the loneliness completely went away. I have not been lonely for months, and I am extremely content being alone. This has been a real and surprising benefit of sobriety for me.

Fly N Buy

That's good news!

I was concerned that as the life of the party I would hurt others by not being there for them

Takes times - just don't drink and within a very short time you'll be really, really glad you did@!

Congrats on your sober time......it's more precious than gold..

peace,
Glad you are posting!

MythOfSisyphus

I don't know if your experience will be like mine, but there was a change in my thought process around the end of Year One Sober. I began to feel sorry for all the people who's social life revolved around going to the bar to get wasted. Sobriety is like outgrowing Santa Claus- I enjoyed waiting for Santa to bring presents but as an adult I don't seriously want to go back to believing he's real.

doureallycare2

knowing your breaking habits that you developed while in addiction doesn't help with the lonlinees. But just think, once we're past this phase, new, healthier and Real friends and places.

Wastinglife

Yep. My friends are all out watching NFL football at the pub. I miss it. However, they would have 4 to 5 pints tops and be home by 8pm. I would stay for the late game too and often drink at the bar alone until 11pm. My bill would come to over $100 and then I would never be able to get up for work the next day.

I

Anna

Congratulations on 10 days sober!

Maybe your social life just needs to shift a bit to people and activities that don't involve alcohol. Hang in there!

Aellyce

I think most of us are concerned about loneliness / how to re-create relationships and social life in early sobriety. This is why a forum like SR is so great, and so are face-to-face recovery groups, therapy etc. For me, I mainly counted on SR in my first ~two months, and having people around at work. Then I tried a few AA meetings, got a therapist. As time went by, I discovered that the best and safest way to meet new people is if I focus on activities in the 3D world primarily, things that interest me and do not involve alcohol. People tend to come naturally with exploring these things and places. I like this better, because this way I don't grasp too much on specific persons but can start to build variety in my life. Of course I fall back into the good old isolating tendencies every now and then, and then the challenge is to break it again.

Congrats on 10 days

patricia68

Have you considered getting a puppy? If your work and financial situation allow it, that is. I have met a lot of new people taking the puppy to the park and obedience classes. And the strongest thing we drink is coffee

heartcore

MythofS-

Wait - are you saying that Santa Claus isn't real????

heartcore

On the seriouser side, I am - in truth - an introvert. I have come to understand that much of my drinking was just so I could deal with large noisy crowds of people (who I didn't care too much about). I find myself very satisfied with my few good friends (some of whom drink, but support me, & many of whom don't). I love going to AA - I've met some really great people - who talk about their journey & feelings, who do fun sober activities, & who actively support my sobriety. I sometimes spend big chunks of time alone & sober, today for example - woke up alone, worked out at the gym, settling in to a movie... I went out last night with sober folks & had a lot of fun. That was enough for me, for now.

I was lonelier as a drunk. Lonely to the core. Because I didn't enjoy my own company like I do now (I was all discouraged & empty).

More friends will come. The universe is opening to me, to us...

FreeOwl

Make a list of things that interest you even slightly that you either have never pursued or have lost touch with. Seek out places to do those things; take classes, look for clubs, attend events, find a coffee shop and set out to make it your new daily adventure. Hang out and smile. Get to know random people.

There is a wonderful, limitless world out there to experience and endless things to do that don't involve alcohol. It will feel strange and sometimes uncomfortable at first, but soon you will find yourself building a new and wonderful life, new connections, new community. You will begin to create a richer, deeper life. You will find that one opening leads to another and that facets of the experience of living you never even knew of will unfold.

Hang in there, but take action. CREATE!

Soberwolf

Hi stayingsober

10 days is fantastic yay indeed !!

Mark1014

Great suggestion owl, I'm an outside guy, but as colder days approach, I'm thinking about doing some genealogy stuff. I've got to do something with all the time I have now....cause it won't be drinkin'.