Alcoholism and hypervigilance
 

Hi -

I'm new to this forum but have been completely sober since 9/19/11. Sometimes I really get exhausted from being hypervigilant all the time. My poison of choice was wine, and my life was built around enjoying great food and wine with my husband and friends.

Sometimes I STILL get totally irritated by having to be hypervigilant about wine in food, wine at the table, wine wine wine EVERYWHERE. I live in northern California, so wine is all over the place.

Does anyone else get exhausted from being on guard all the time?

sometimes it's a little bit of a drag.... but here lately I've found it's less pressure. I can see alcohol, be around it, taste it's traces in foods and the worst-case reaction is a sort of nostalgic glumness at 'missing out'.

I imagine it comes and goes. But I remind myself there is alcohol all over the place in this world and I need not be hypervigilant as long as I remain close to my reasons for choosing sobriety as a richer, deeper, happier path for me.

I'm no longer feeling on guard or hypervigilant because I've found a peace in acceptance that it is a terrible idea for me to ever drink again. There's wine everywhere, sure. And it is no longer for me to drink! :) Plenty of other good things in life for me to partake in now, and so I focus on living in the present, staying mindful that I am no longer a drinker, and focus on changing the things I can change, and accepting the things I can't.

No, I'm not hypervigilant and I would find it exhausting if I was.

Have you made other changes in your life besides stopping drinking? I hope that you find some peace.

I can relate to this, as I was the same when I was sober for 2+ years - felt vulnerable the whole time and was expecting to fail - inwardly. Avoided as much as possible scenarios where drink would be available.

Very good job on your sober time. :c011:You seem to be doing well, despite having to work very hard at staying strong. Maybe, you're stronger than you think, lol. ;)

I can definitely relate to exhausting hyper vigilance AND wine everywhere,.I live in nor cal too, and just started working at a large wine distributor. People gave me 4 bottles of wine last week!!! I didn't drink them of course but seeing them sitting their on my desk brings up a lot of romanticism around drinking. I see it as the most obvious test I could have, and plan to give them away as Christmas gifts. Other people might not agree but I buy this very quality n/a beer when I'm feeling incredible temptation, it satisfies me, and I then rejoice the next day when I'm sober and feeling good! Jenny may be right, the hypervigilancd might be related to a lack of total acceptance around never drinking again. It also sounds like the people around you may be big into the wine scene. Would adding some non-drinkers to your circle help you feel more relaxed?

Thanks for posting, it was helpful to read!

I don't romanticize wine - and I'm terrified of even tasting it in food because I have actually fully accepted that I can never drink again and just don't want anything to do with it. I never ever want to feel drunk nor do I ever want another hangover again!

Food and wine were just a huge part of our lives. My husband can drink half a glass and forget about it. The circle of friends has changed a lot, as has what we do and don't participate in. I feel badly for my husband, even though he has been SUPER SUPPORTIVE, because he's had to give up things too.

I live in a world where wine is omnipresent. On the table, used in food, it's everywhere. I can't exactly move.

I just sometimes get tired of having to always be on guard to not eat it in food accidentally and I feel like I can never forget that I'm an alcoholic. Even just having dinner out - it's always there lurking.

I relate mostly bc I get drug tested randomly and terrified to fail.. I check labels of everything... No sanitizer... Don't touch or inhale anything with alcohol. It's insane! But as is the board of nursing in my state!!I also avoid places where people are drinking. I'm 7 months sober but still feel depressed that I can't drink anymore. I honestly miss it sometimes.. Then I have a pity party that I can enjoy drinks with all my other 29 year old friends. But what is nice is not being embarrassed about what I did drinking and not feeling like crap after. For now I'm grateful that I'm being held accountable. Can't wait to be a place that I'm comfortable with being around other people drinking. Until then, I'll be vigilant.

Megan

Don't feel badly for your husband. He clearly loves you if he is supportive to that degree, and alcoholic or not, I don't believe anyone is really 'missing out' by limiting alcohol and alcohol-centric activities.

Your sobriety is very likely a blessing to him as well, whether he sees it now or not.

My husband is thrilled that I'm sober.

Thanks for clarifying. Wine is everywhere - do you mean that metaphorically, or is it literally at most/all your social events and dinners? Also do you have to ask if there's wine in the food wherever you go? I'm not trying to be obtuse - it's just that your second post makes it sound like your life has a truly enormous amount of wine in it.

LOVED wine. But it is not on my radar anymore. I quit drinking and rewired my brain. The obsession was lifted and I don't need to be hypervigiliant. That would be exhausting. I will ask about a recipe if I'm not sure, but what person with an allergy wouldn't?

What are you doing to change so that your perception that "wine is everywhere" ceases? When we are disturbed, the problem is us.

It is not the booze. Because you know, bread is everywhere too. Bread bread bread.....THAT'S what I think when I go to a nice restaurant.

I don't feel "hyper-vigilant" or even vigilant. It is not that hard to not do something. I have long lists of things I haven't done -- I call them, "to-do lists". :)

I don't know why you would avoid food made with wine in the cooking process. Substantially all (yes I know there are traces left) of the alcohol has cooked out. You can't get drunk off coq au vin or chicken marsala.

We used to eat out a lot with friends and on our own. For example we had dinner last night with pals at a favorite place of theirs that they picked at the last minute. It turned out to be a French place where just about everything had sauce made with wine. And my husband didn't drink wine at home for 2 years but now I feel like he should be able to have a glass on Friday night in his own home if he wants.

Wine is part of every dinner party we go to - this is a wine-oriented culture here. I can't live like a hermit and hide in my house forever.

Hi nice to meet you well done on your sobriety

No, it's been proven that alcohol doesn't cook completely out. And I don't want the taste to trigger me. That's why I avoid it. Does that answer satisfy you?

Hey Nan,

I'm a half hour from Napa Valley. Wine is part of the local culture for sure. I live in a tiny town that has no store-but it does have two bars within walking distance. All of my "friends" are at the bar. Sometimes I have to take it in ten minute increments to fight off the urge to go down there. I breathe, I cry. It is exhausting. But at the end of the day, I know I will go to bed and sleep well and the next day will not be anywhere as exhausting than if I had been drinking the night before. It will get better. For now, I am drinking tons of sparkling water to replace alcohol. It helps me feel as if I'm having something yummy in place of drinks. I wish you the best.

I am on medication, and I have to be on it for the rest of my life. I have to be hypervigilant about taking it. It is a pain sometimes and I get frustrated; but I know I am much better off this way.

I blow off steam about it sometimes, but overall I know it's a good thing.

I can relate to feeling like wine is everywhere. I live in Italy and wine here is considered almost like another food group. It really is sold and offered in almost every place I ever go. There is wine served at my children's events at school, even the nuns drink it there! But the problem isn't them, it is me and how I see/use wine.
I have never been to a dinner or dinner party here where wine wasn't consumed. At most restaurants they drink out a glass of prosecco as a gift to start and at the end of each meal, after the bill has been paid they drop by an entire bottle of grappa and limoncello for guests to sip on to their satisfaction. After a few small sips people leave the bottles barely touched.
I don't think you can avoid the alcohol but you can find ways to work around it. For example certain foods I have so thoroughly enjoyed with wine that eating them now is difficult for me. I can't go to my favorite cheese place yet because I am nto ready for the cheese without the wine.
When I entertain at home (which I am doing much less of now to protect myself) I cook foods that wine wasn't so integral to their enjoyment- such as thai dishes or something that might be served with beer.
Today I had to pass on the first course at a restaurant as it was wild boar sauce made with chianti wine on pasta. Wine IN food is not such a big trigger for me, but I am currently taking antabuse and cannot have it, so I skipped it. It was annoying, but I was able to have the second course.
Maybe try different restaurants. For example, Italian cooking does not use wine in so many dishes. I think American-Italian cooking is a bit different, but if you can find a very traditional place there won't be wine used in a lot of the second courses (some pasta sauces, yes). Many asian cuisines do not use alcohol, nor does tex-mex if I am correct.
I understand your frustration, but I am sure you can find something on the menu that would suit your needs. You can also ask for a suitable substitution.

You say you accept you never can drink again, but I don't see how you have decided that you never will drink again. That is a different outlook, that sobriety is a choice, rather than being prevented from drinking, more of an imposition.

Once that happens, tasting it in food is no threat because it can't make you drunk or hungover. And there is nothing to be on guard about. You don't drink anymore, ever. Done. Alcohol is nothing to be afraid of, just never consumed.

Believing in yourself is a great help in this, believing that you will succeed and nothing can stop you from reaching your goal. Especially not an open bottle.