nymets86

Ugh, had a horrible night.

I haven't posted here in months and during that time I've been drinking in moderation, excersizing most morning, losing weight and feeling the best I have ever felt.

I don't want this setback last night to compromise that, but ugh, I feel so disgusted with myself. I was out drinking with friends and I stuck to just beer, but I didn't cut myself off like I'd been doing the last 3 months and I woke up with a broken phone, a massive gash on my finger, and in a hospital.

I have zero temptation to drink now, though on the way home from the hospital I was considering it. I'm just in a really bad place mentally today. Wish I could undo last night and scared at how much the hospital bill is going to be, scared how much it'll cost to replace my phone, scared what my friends saw, and scared that I drank that much and woke up in a hospital. Ugh

Ghostlight1

Sorry for your rough night. I have had many of them. I hope you can stick to moderation, but it never worked for me.
I would be scared too. Best to you and remember you never have to feel this way again.

Wastinglife

Been there. I couldn't tell you many phones I've lost or broken. iPhones especially are not conducive to drinking since their screens crack so easy. Stay home, lock the doors, and don't come out until the hangover and urges pass.

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation and rough night.

Controlling our drinking is not possible for alcoholics, at least not in the long run. Have you considered stopping drinking?

nymets86

Thanks ghoslight.

It's now the third time I've been hospitalized for drinking. I don't get why I just can't stop. The 100% teetotaler thing didn't work for me, but clearly I can't moderate successfully either.

I've pieced together a bit from last night by texting from my iPad and it seems none of my friends saw me get picked up by the cops/ambulance/etc, so that's somewhat of a relief, but jeez, full of regret and fear right now. I unfortunaly live alone and not very close to family, so have nowhere to go but here.

nymets86

Anna, I didn't drink in June. It didn't work for me. I over-ate to compensate and didn't work out. I isolated myself socially, though I did have decent success in realizing that if I went out with friends and drank seltzer, nobody said anything.

The last three months have been awesome when I drank in moderation.

countrysidegirl

Hi nymet

Maybe you have underlying pain, issues , hurt that are causing you to keep drinking ? In my experience it was issues that caused me great mental anguish that I wouldn't deal with that made me drink , I'm sad to hear you awoke in hospital , did the staff there give you any information with how you ended up there ?
Its fantastic that you've brought exercise into your life being physically fit works wonders for your health and mind

Try to start again , clean slate but take a deep look inside yourself something is causing you to keep drinking

All the best charlotte

nymets86

No idea how I got there. I also was still pretty drunk when I woke up and I just wanted to get home, so I walked out, without speaking with anybody. I don't think they treated me in any way other than just letting me sleep it off as I didn't have any IVs or anything.

They have my name and birthday, so presumably they read my drivers license. I'm guessing I got taken there in an ambulance as it was a good 5 miles from the last bar I remember being at.

I don't really think there were any issues that led to me drinking last night. That certainly does happen to me, but has manifested itself in the past with me just drinking alone. Last night was a more festive time. I wasn't drinking to make anything go away, I was just drinking with friends. It was bad in that I met up with a bunch of people at 5:30 in and was planning to stay until 7:30. However, one of my friends couldn't make it until 9 and I wanted to stay around for that, so it wound up going on much longer than expected. I blacked out around 10, ugh

Wastinglife

Take comfort in that you woke up in a hospital and not in a jail cell, as I have done many times. I can't drink anymore without ending up in black out mode where I really do lose control of my thoughts and actions.

These days if I meet friends for a few pints at say 7pm and we stay for a couple hours, they all go home to bed, while I will likely roam to another bar by myself or go to the liquor store so I can go get wasted at home alone. I will not stop drinking until I pass out or something bad happens.

We put ourselves in such stupid circumstances when we do this.

Barnumb

Alcoholism is progressive. I have had plenty of months of moderation before the bottom drops out again. Unfortunately for **.99999% of us deemed alcoholics. and as much as I hate to accept it myself. The answer is to never drink EVER again. Don't be naive enough to think you can beet the odds. It will only get worse from here.

Hevyn

Hi nymets. I'm sorry for what happened. I definitely can relate.

At the end of my drinking days, I could never predict what would happen once booze got in my system. I had to finally give up the idea that I could have long term success moderating. I wanted to believe it was just a matter of willpower. Two dui's, health issues, financial problems, all sorts of drama & chaos happened because I thought I was exceptional. It sounds like you've learned something valuable.

nymets86

Yeah, it's so frustrating. I wish I could jus be a social drinker. It's all been going well the last three months, though it was somewhat of a challenge. I'd do stuff like set an alarm on my phone to signal me to leave, or intentionally schedule something in the AM that I knew I couldn't miss or be hungover for.

It went haywire last night since one of my friends showed up late, but I think that just shows how impossible the balancing act is. My hangover is pretty much gone now and just feeling worse and worse mentally about what happened.

Today, I've made plans to be out of town the next two weekends, just to avoid temptations. Tomorrow, I have my day mostly mapped out. Tonight, I have no desire to touch the vodka in my freezer. I can't bring myself to pour it out, but at least for tonight, no temptation to drink it.

heath480

Alcoholism is relentlessly progressive,moderation does not work.It works for a while,then something happens such as what happened to you and completely baffles us.

If you cannot guarantee what is going to happen once you have picked up the first drink,you are in serious touble.Have you ever considered you may be an Alcoholic?

I think you were lucky that nothing worse happened to you.I hope you decide to give sobriety another go.

nymets86

Yeah, I've accepted that I'm an alcoholic.

I'm definitely down to give sobriety a chance and am posting here for that reason.

Dee74

Some classic addictive thinking here, if you don't mind me saying.

I think you need to give not drinking a chance.

You didn't drink for a month.
How many weeks, months and years of your life have you given to drinking?

If you find yourself overeating when you quit, and you're worried that's a new addiction, there are things you can do about that - diet plans, exercise...

If you find yourself feeling isolated...maybe you need to make some non drinking friends?

not really when you factor in ending up in hospital

I'm not trying to beat you up, but I really don't think you've given 'recovery' a good go here.

You just didn't drink for a month.

Do you see what I mean?

Think about ways to build a sober life you'd be happy in - it makes all the difference

D

Soberwolf

Exactly what D said

Thomasthetank

Regarding the overeating thing. If you worry about putting on weight, alcohol has more calories than almost anything. I used to drink enough to have two takeaways every single day in terms of the calorie count.

nymets86

Thanks Dee.....as far as my friends go, the good thing is that they're not just drinking buddies. So I'm lucky in that I don't need a whole new set of friends. I haven't told any of them I'm trying to quit, which might be something I need to do. Obviosily, most of my friends drink, but I don't think any of them have drinking problems. One of my friends simply doesn't like the way it makes him feel and he hangs out with us all the time, nobody pressures him. Maybe I can get to that point, but right now, being at an bar isn't helpful.

gleefan

nymets - I was never able to successfully moderate my drinking. When I quit drinking I ate a lot, exercised very little, and felt depressed - but at that point, going back to drinking was so unhealthy that it was no longer an option for me.

What I've learned in recovery is that I need to work on the underlying depression. Like Dee mentioned, building a sober life I am happy in, has made the difference. Good luck!

nymets86

Thomas, I think when I tried in June, I tried too much at once when I also quit caffeine. I had it in my head that if I stopped taking a caffeine pill every morning, then my sleeping issues would go away and I would eliminate one of my drinking triggers, which is extreme anxiety when it comes to being able to fall asleep.

Well, I realized that not having the caffeine just made me constantly crave food and made me have no energy. In July, I started back up with the caffeine and have been going for 4 mile runs in the morning, waking up an hour earlier than I ever used to. The early AM workouts make me feel good about myself all day and also make it easier to sleep since I'm exhausted come 11pm

This overconfidence and feeling great about myself has led to the drinking, where I thought I could control that and had been doing it reasonably well until last night.

I know I shouldn't have needed another wake up call, this now being the 2nd time I've woken up in a hospital with no idea how I got there.

Rationally, I know that I cannot drink and if I try moderating again, something much worse could happen. It's just very hard to think about it in terms of "forever"