No More Eggshells
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Naples FL
Posts: 61
No More Eggshells
I have been married to an alcoholic for almost 27 years. He came from a family where is father was an alcoholic and then deserted his family and 4 boys for 3 years. To this day his father still tries and controls my family...he was unfaithful, abusive, and just down right mean man. This chaos, and dysfunction was my husbands' childhood. His father still has not owned what he did to my mother in law, who ended being an emotional wreck, now married to a very kind hearted loving man but she still carries the scars of this so called marriage. But all of my husband’s brothers all followed suit and became alcoholics, and or drug addicts. My husband became both. I have learned the disease called alcoholism is not just a family disease but a generational family disease. I have three children and they have all at one time or another had a substance abuse and or alcohol problem in trying to learn how to cope with the anger, dysfunction, and chaotic child hood. Currently my oldest son, is drug and alcohol free and has a family and great job. My other 2 children are both in counseling and struggle with severe anger issues, and have a very difficult time trying not to be enraged with their father. They become very upset when their father is verbally abusive towards me. Now that they are older I told them for their own sake they need to be out of the home. They have their own apartment and both have good jobs and my youngest son will be attending college soon. I have lived my life hiding my husbands disease, and dealt with his abuse for years, and got sucked in to his sick way of thinking, but no more! The end for me was when he screamed how he hated his children and my youngest son heard him...it was devastating for my youngest son...I gave my husband an ultimatum either family or his beer, and he needs to be in counseling. He would always threaten me that I would cost him his job...I simply replied no you would do that all on your own either by getting a DUI, get in a car accident etc...He is a functional alcoholic but his behavior has begun to effect his job as many noted his mood swings and anger. He is currently 8 days sober and has attended two counseling sessions. Before you can work on your marriage he needs to be sober...his rational thought processes may not return for a very long period of time and the chance of relapse is incredibly high. Trust me been through it more times then I care to remember. I also, will not be his enabler, meaning, I will not allow alcohol in my home, won't buy it, won't drive him to a bar, or pick his drunk butt up, (he can call a cab), and I will no longer go with him to a bar so he can drink. I do not engage him when he is angry, and simply in a foul mood...walk away... I don't mention alcohol or ask has he been at the bar, I won't call him 10 times on his phone looking for him or the hospitals...I have eliminated as many triggers as I can and removed as much stress from the home. I let him know I would support his sobriety but only that. I have an overnight bag packed in my car at all times if I need to leave and have a good support system for myself through my friends and counselor. I will however, make sure I protect myself and my children from this dreaded disease called alcoholism. If you threaten to leave even for a night make sure you do it do not just threaten him. He left...says he will go to marriage counselor...but no more walking on egg shells for me
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