Helllp!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Helllp!
OK NOW THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
Something that I've done off and on over the past few years, to make ends meet, is bartending. I hit hard, uncertain times earlier this year. A good friend needed help at his very nice bar on the weekends. I answered the call. I didn't think twice about it because I'd been off the wagon for a while.
It's two shifts, and it's not that lucrative. But it's been helping enough that I can pay part of my rent with what I make. I do have other jobs but they are sporadic, and I never know when they'll come about. However, I do end up working them quite a bit. My other jobs, freelance cooking -- my actual field -- could benefit from the time I free up, as I could invest more in my portfolio and possible future jobs. There have been some future job possibilities mentioned, and I'd like to be able to say I have the time freed up to be available for them.
My pinch is money. I feel stuck. Plus, The bar is very very short staffed and I would be really rocking the boat and stressing my friend out. He would just have to find someone else asap (he's been having a hard time staffing). This is weighing heavy on me.
However, the place requires and encourages tasting. It's quite fancy and I understand that they want their staff to know how things taste. I do feel confident that I can avoid this. But DUH, being in a bar two days a week.
Will I be able to rally and fill my schedule with my actual freelance jobs? Can I just rest assured that I'm not drinking, so not spending money, so it's a wash? I'm also not buying a pack a day anymore.... I was blowing a lot of cash on booze, cigarettes, and tips... probably the cash I made at the bar (which was only a couple hundred per weekend), when I was reckless and depressed. Can I defer my student loans since I'm not making very much now???
I might need a little extra support today. I am thinking about giving my two weeks notice. I'm on my way into the bar to work my shift now. It's a terrible time in my life to cut out a second job. And it's a terrible time for my friend to lose a staff member. I am really taking a risk and flying by the seat of my pants here. And things aren't secure enough with my husband yet to where I could ask him to provide a little extra for a while.
Eeek I need an outside opinion, another voice, anything.
Thanks for listening, everyone.
Something that I've done off and on over the past few years, to make ends meet, is bartending. I hit hard, uncertain times earlier this year. A good friend needed help at his very nice bar on the weekends. I answered the call. I didn't think twice about it because I'd been off the wagon for a while.
It's two shifts, and it's not that lucrative. But it's been helping enough that I can pay part of my rent with what I make. I do have other jobs but they are sporadic, and I never know when they'll come about. However, I do end up working them quite a bit. My other jobs, freelance cooking -- my actual field -- could benefit from the time I free up, as I could invest more in my portfolio and possible future jobs. There have been some future job possibilities mentioned, and I'd like to be able to say I have the time freed up to be available for them.
My pinch is money. I feel stuck. Plus, The bar is very very short staffed and I would be really rocking the boat and stressing my friend out. He would just have to find someone else asap (he's been having a hard time staffing). This is weighing heavy on me.
However, the place requires and encourages tasting. It's quite fancy and I understand that they want their staff to know how things taste. I do feel confident that I can avoid this. But DUH, being in a bar two days a week.
Will I be able to rally and fill my schedule with my actual freelance jobs? Can I just rest assured that I'm not drinking, so not spending money, so it's a wash? I'm also not buying a pack a day anymore.... I was blowing a lot of cash on booze, cigarettes, and tips... probably the cash I made at the bar (which was only a couple hundred per weekend), when I was reckless and depressed. Can I defer my student loans since I'm not making very much now???
I might need a little extra support today. I am thinking about giving my two weeks notice. I'm on my way into the bar to work my shift now. It's a terrible time in my life to cut out a second job. And it's a terrible time for my friend to lose a staff member. I am really taking a risk and flying by the seat of my pants here. And things aren't secure enough with my husband yet to where I could ask him to provide a little extra for a while.
Eeek I need an outside opinion, another voice, anything.
Thanks for listening, everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
What's more terrible? All the things you listed or jeopardizing your sobriety? If you're contemplating giving your notice you know the answer. How about being honest with your friend & your husband? Yes it's scary but think about how scarier the alternative of you picking up again is.
Sobriety isn't easy. But it's always, always, always worth it. A million times out of a million times.
Trust that.
Sobriety isn't easy. But it's always, always, always worth it. A million times out of a million times.
Trust that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Thank you, I am certainly concerned abut the sobriety factor. But I don't have a lot of wiggle room financially and my conscience is really haranguing me. Which is why it's such a dilemma. I just don't have the luxury of quitting a job...
You're right, if I'm already contemplating, I know the answer. It's just so irresponsible to quit a job right now.
You're right, if I'm already contemplating, I know the answer. It's just so irresponsible to quit a job right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Belfast
Posts: 15
In my experience no good can come from working in a bar when you have issues with alcohol.
I worked in a bar for four years part time until about 6 weeks ago when I quit because I wanted to stay sober. When you are surrounded by customers who are drinking all the time, drinking becomes more normalised and tempting. For me it was like, well everyone is doing it, so why can't I? Surely there is no problem with this?
I had worked on and off in the bar for various reasons throughout the four years and I know that when I was there I always started drinking more. (A lot of my friends who worked in the bar also said that they experienced this increase in drinking)
The likelihood of drinking is also increased by other staff members and the after work pints you might have 'to wind down' at the end of the shift or when you get out early and one of your colleagues asks you if you want to go for a drink in another bar.
I think it's easy to get sucked in to the culture of a bar and for me it was just too much of a risk given my desire for sobriety. In the end I decided that my health was more important than the cash and the friends I lost from leaving. The question I asked myself was in ten years time what will be more important to me, that money or the fact that I continued to put myself in a risky situation that could hinder my sobriety?
In the end my health won out. It sounds like your stuation is difficult and really tricky but surely there are other part time jobs you could find? And whilst I know you don't want to let down your friend, in the long run, if they knew the issues you were having with alcohol do you think they would care more about their staffing issues or you?
On a last note, I spoke to an alcohol liason nurse about my drinking and told her I worked in a bar a few weeks before I quit. She pretty much told me that working in a bar is an absolute no for people with drinking issues and she's an expert... :/
I hope this helps, good luck
I worked in a bar for four years part time until about 6 weeks ago when I quit because I wanted to stay sober. When you are surrounded by customers who are drinking all the time, drinking becomes more normalised and tempting. For me it was like, well everyone is doing it, so why can't I? Surely there is no problem with this?
I had worked on and off in the bar for various reasons throughout the four years and I know that when I was there I always started drinking more. (A lot of my friends who worked in the bar also said that they experienced this increase in drinking)
The likelihood of drinking is also increased by other staff members and the after work pints you might have 'to wind down' at the end of the shift or when you get out early and one of your colleagues asks you if you want to go for a drink in another bar.
I think it's easy to get sucked in to the culture of a bar and for me it was just too much of a risk given my desire for sobriety. In the end I decided that my health was more important than the cash and the friends I lost from leaving. The question I asked myself was in ten years time what will be more important to me, that money or the fact that I continued to put myself in a risky situation that could hinder my sobriety?
In the end my health won out. It sounds like your stuation is difficult and really tricky but surely there are other part time jobs you could find? And whilst I know you don't want to let down your friend, in the long run, if they knew the issues you were having with alcohol do you think they would care more about their staffing issues or you?
On a last note, I spoke to an alcohol liason nurse about my drinking and told her I worked in a bar a few weeks before I quit. She pretty much told me that working in a bar is an absolute no for people with drinking issues and she's an expert... :/
I hope this helps, good luck
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I think the answer is already inside you. Just be honest...with yourself, your husband and your friend. Who knows, perhaps there is even work you could help them with that isn't bartending.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I can only speak for myself Plenny, but I could never have survived recovery if I had been working in a bar.
Is there another way, a different part-time job where you could jump in and make a bit of extra money?
Is there another way, a different part-time job where you could jump in and make a bit of extra money?
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Hi Anna, one of the other things hanging in the balance is that I'd like to free up these days so I can focus on and invest in (credit cards!!) my other freelance stuff, which is what I really want to be doing. Some clarity that came with sobering up...
It's just that I don't have any financial stability to be dropping my second job right now
Still feels like a no brainer, but it's just very risky
It's just that I don't have any financial stability to be dropping my second job right now
Still feels like a no brainer, but it's just very risky
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I would never have been able to get sober doing that job.
If you stay with the bar job and start drinking again, how much time will you have to focus then, tho? 
D
Maybe to clarify: I also don't want another job because it will eat up that time I need to focus...
D
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
My cousin is a very hard core alcoholic and he is a liquor salesman. Everyone has told him to get other work, but he insists he is OK. But he is not. He relapses constantly. In and out of jail and rehab. He says he doesn't "sample the goods" and I believe him but it is that "culture of drink" that he is constantly facing that subconsciously undermines him. So working at a bar...well, you know.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Thanks everyone. I was really glad to have your responses with me today. I really needed to reiterate my points and my focus and my intent.
I almost didn't make it. Not with the drinking... that was somehow overshadowed by my stress of breaking the news to my friend. How? I don't know. Usually if I'm that nervous I drink! I guess I'm still ringing from my last hangover and I hate the stuff. I usually have to watch out for those times that I feel confident and in the clear. Then I relapse! And god forbid I'm working in a bar at that point!
Nope I almost didn't make it with the job quitting. I thought, "I can do this, I can fake this, this is such a nice place, these are my friends, I'm really broke..." But I held my resolve and reminded myself how strongly I felt about quitting this morning when I woke up.
I told my friend I needed to quit to open up my schedule for opportunities that are swimming around in my other field. He was very understanding.
Today was tough. But I got through it.
I gave two weeks notice so I'm going in tomorrow as well. Then next weekend. Then, that's it. I have a count down now, I can do it. I have enough money saved for next month's rent. I'll defer my student loans, but this month should give me the time I need to figure it out. At least a little. I've been in worse pinches before.
Thanks again everyone
Plenny
I almost didn't make it. Not with the drinking... that was somehow overshadowed by my stress of breaking the news to my friend. How? I don't know. Usually if I'm that nervous I drink! I guess I'm still ringing from my last hangover and I hate the stuff. I usually have to watch out for those times that I feel confident and in the clear. Then I relapse! And god forbid I'm working in a bar at that point!
Nope I almost didn't make it with the job quitting. I thought, "I can do this, I can fake this, this is such a nice place, these are my friends, I'm really broke..." But I held my resolve and reminded myself how strongly I felt about quitting this morning when I woke up.
I told my friend I needed to quit to open up my schedule for opportunities that are swimming around in my other field. He was very understanding.
Today was tough. But I got through it.
I gave two weeks notice so I'm going in tomorrow as well. Then next weekend. Then, that's it. I have a count down now, I can do it. I have enough money saved for next month's rent. I'll defer my student loans, but this month should give me the time I need to figure it out. At least a little. I've been in worse pinches before.
Thanks again everyone
Plenny
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Speaking of bar ...
I worked in one. And I tried to get sober in one. And I couldn't figure out why it didn't work.
I quit that job - with NO other promise of any kind of work in the pipeline (talk about practical frivolity! LOL) - because I could. not. do. it in that environment.
I forgot, see, that one little key thing: out of sight really DOES help with out of mind.
Even though financially it has been incredibly rough this past month, from a sobriety standpoint, this has been a cakewalk compared to trying to "white knuckle" it, or whatever the heck I was trying to do in that environment.
AND, even though I miss it, I miss the energy and the night life, I truly could not be happier with myself right now. I'm proud I made a healthy decision for myself for once. This sobriety is MINE (myyyy precioussss, hehe) and I'll be a monkey's aunt before anybody tries to take it from me. And that includes the siren that is the bar atmosphere in general.
I worked in one. And I tried to get sober in one. And I couldn't figure out why it didn't work.
I quit that job - with NO other promise of any kind of work in the pipeline (talk about practical frivolity! LOL) - because I could. not. do. it in that environment.
I forgot, see, that one little key thing: out of sight really DOES help with out of mind.
Even though financially it has been incredibly rough this past month, from a sobriety standpoint, this has been a cakewalk compared to trying to "white knuckle" it, or whatever the heck I was trying to do in that environment.
AND, even though I miss it, I miss the energy and the night life, I truly could not be happier with myself right now. I'm proud I made a healthy decision for myself for once. This sobriety is MINE (myyyy precioussss, hehe) and I'll be a monkey's aunt before anybody tries to take it from me. And that includes the siren that is the bar atmosphere in general.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Thank you so much for sharing that Rogue,
I do have another job and I'm grateful for it. For your health and wellbeing, you just jumped right out! That's inspiring. Helps make me feel braver.
It is a relief. It felt just, backwards today. What am I doing? Who are these people who can casually drink old fashioneds in the afternoons with their daughters after lunch, and why can't I do that?
I finally grabbed my boss and just said whatever I could. All true, but I just said the thing that worked best. I have lots of reasons but expedience was key. I'm out!
I do have another job and I'm grateful for it. For your health and wellbeing, you just jumped right out! That's inspiring. Helps make me feel braver.
It is a relief. It felt just, backwards today. What am I doing? Who are these people who can casually drink old fashioneds in the afternoons with their daughters after lunch, and why can't I do that?
I finally grabbed my boss and just said whatever I could. All true, but I just said the thing that worked best. I have lots of reasons but expedience was key. I'm out!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Yes, the shaky courage we muster forth, to make better choices for ourselves, can only reap its reward in time.
At least, I hope!!! I'm REALLY tired of being broke... but I'm DEFINITELY not tired of being sober.
At least, I hope!!! I'm REALLY tired of being broke... but I'm DEFINITELY not tired of being sober.
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