readerbaby71

I'm sorry you're struggling. I commend you for having the courage to go to your employer with this problem. I would stick with rehab. If you keep drinking you're going to lose your job eventually. It is a matter of life or death. Have you read Dry by Augusten Burroughs? He was in the same industry and an alcoholic by the time he was in his early 20's. I love this book. He's hilarious.

breath

I took FMLA for 90 days and took my sobriety very seriously, became a 'star student' in IOP. When I returned to work I recognized for many reasons my 'success' at my job wasn't making ME happy and moved on 'successfully'. Whether you stay or not upon return is up to you; the biggest thing with your employer is 'retaliation' you are virtually untouchable for that reason, unless you screw up huge, or the HR department is incredibly stupid. You return as a protected species, with a disease, if they were to mess with you, you can scream "harrasment! Retaliation!" and whoa....!

heartcore

Well, you're out of the closet. Now...

I am upper level management, & I'm a recovering alcoholic. My thought is to set up a meeting with your boss now & tell him what's about to happen. Go on assuming he's a human being. Ask him to keep this information between the two of you (confiding - builds connection). Minimize the drunk-a-log - ie. Don't tell him that you took five days to wallow in the whiskey. Just be professional, say that you're concerned about your drinking, you love this job & want to be 110%, that you're being proactive, etc. Since you're in advertising, make some references to Mad Men & how that's not the lifestyle of this profession anymore... The important thing is don't get all hung up on his response - he may know little about alcoholism, may seem dismissive, whatever, but it will pay off when you return. Because as management I know that what bosses like least is to not know what's going on. Including him and acting as though he is an ally & you anticipate his support (the assumption) may well make it true. You are already protected legally.

Then, go to rehab. Give it everything you've got. Cone back new & shiny.

The only way this works is if you get sober & stay sober. Yes, your boss will be watching. Give him something amazing to watch. Be his super kick a** employee. As time passes, he will feel proud of your sobriety & success, as though he had something to do with it.

A year in, when you're about to celebrate your first year of sobriety, meet with him and thank him for all his support & "mentorship" & tell him you're celebrating your year. I suspect you will have a very positive relationship with him at that point & that he will feel proud of you...

We all want connection. Even grumpy, demanding bosses desire connection.

Don't tell any additional co-workers - just HR & the boss. You can tell others you're taking FML to care for your ailing mother or something (just be consistent, & let the boss in on that specific explanation during the talk, so they can cover).

Just one possible approach...

You're doing the right thing. When recovery "tricks us" into an opportunity like this, I believe it is the magic undertow of the universe getting us to our best self.

Tamerua

You're so courageous for having done that. Do your rehab, make sure that your HR puts you into contact with EAP and get better. When you are back you will prove that you are better .

BTW, by law neither HR nor EAP can disclose why you're out. It's medical and it is none of their business, period.

Take care of you, the rest will fall into place.

Aellyce

Hi mtgbis,

Your story sounds very familiar to me in terms of your fears and dilemmas, except that I never revealed my alcohol problem to my colleagues or superiors. Some of them did know that I was suffering from anxiety and depression and I could not function normally in some phases, but I never said anything about the drinking problem. I did have your dilemma though about rehab. I really was unable to go without drinking longer than 2-3 days max, for years. I thought I would have to go to inpatient to break that cycle because no way I could do it by myself, without external supervision. But I did not have the courage to take a few weeks off and come out to my employer. I work in a quite independent position and am free to set ~my own schedule as far as showing up at work goes, but I have to coordinate a team and supervise some people, so disappearing for weeks would not have been easy. Too many dependents that I already neglected and lied to during my drinking, and always felt terrible about it...

In the end I actually managed to stay sober and turn things around using SR as support and I also see a therapist (although my addiction has not been the main focus of the work with him, much more the underlying problems and other old issues). It was sort of a miracle even for me to be able to stay sober via introducing many changes in my lifestyle and working on my issues. I think you should put sobriety as your main focus and do whatever is needed for your recovery, because if you continue drinking/relapsing, everything will get worse and worse and your employer won't get more satisfied with you for sure. For me, leading that "double life" trying to keep up with work and my responsibilities while drinking heavily whenever I could was extremely difficult, the most difficult thing I'd ever done.

I am with Hearcore's comment above on how to deal with your situation relative to work and your boss. Think about sobriety as an absolutely essential long-term investment. You boss may not be happy at first, but if you do maintain your recovery and turn your work performance and everything around, your boss will most likely recognize the benefits. Since you have already revealed your problem to HR, I would set a time with the boss and talk 100% honestly.

Again, your sobriety will be necessary for anything you might want to do to improve your life, so probably it's best to make that priority right now.

I'm a little over 8 months sober, but my work performance and attitude have increased quite dramatically. I keep getting feedback from colleagues (including the junior people I supervise) on how outstanding my performance is these days and they sometimes wonder what happened. I usually just say I had some problems in my life and finally decided to really work them out.

I really suggest that you do whatever you think necessary for your recovery, and then you may find yourself quite fascinated what is possible, somewhere down the road.

Confuzd

As others have pointed out you are protected legally. In my opinion, the best way to keep from having problems with your boss is by being a good employee. I wouldn't publicize my issues but I wouldn't be too worried about people "finding out" either. It is much less embarrassing to have coworkers find out you are a recovering alcoholic, than to do a poor job and make embarrassing mistakes at work due to drinking which can actually get you fired. In my workplace, a few people know that I'm a recovering alcoholic and I haven't had any problems, that's just my experience. At my old workplace when I was still drinking, it was pretty well known that I was a heavy drinker, that was much more embarrassing, in my opinion.

Dee74

I've not been to rehab, but in dealing with your alcoholism, I think you've made a great choice, and a great investment in your future

D

Bubovski

Your recovery is paramount as any meaningful vocation is dependent on sobriety,
As for your boss; better to face that hurdle post rehab, when you will probably be thinking much clearer.

golden1987

I was thinking the same thing as GotGrace (great name, btw); that, perhaps boss's attitude toward you will change after you return from rehab and continue to do the work to maintain your sobriety. If he cannot be compassionate on that front, then perhaps it's a sign that you need to find a different job.

And I don't want to sound Pollyanna -- but, it really is true: when one door closes, at least one window opens.

Hang in there. You health MUST come first; and, it's a HUGE blessing that you have your mom's support!

We're all here rooting for you!

mtgbis

Wow - I am truly blown away by the support of everyone. Thank you. Sincerely.

Feeling all of the emotions today.

MythOfSisyphus

Well, you can't un-tell them! There's no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Use this chance you've been given to get better.

mystified

What Heartcore said ^^^^^

That's how it is at SR. I feel like I found my people here.

I have nothing to add but wanted to tell you that I really admire your courage and I take my hat off to you. You did a difficult thing telling HR about your drinking problem. Now you can do another difficult thing and quit drinking.

I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world, whatever happens and I hope you stick around to tell us how it goes.

With very best wishes

digdug

I guess I'm qualified to speak on this issue. I worked at a big four professional services firm when I was drinking. Still do to this day.

After ending up in the ICU from detoxing on my own, I took short-term disability to go to inpatient rehab. My bosses knew I was sick, as I was in critical condition at the hospital, but no point did I actually disclose that the reason for this hospitalization was from alcohol. Due to HIPAA regulations, neuter insurance company and the short-term disability carrier could disclose the reason for my absence.

But I'm sure some people figured out it was from alcohol. Other people think I had a mental and physical breakdown because of stress. Doesn't really matter.

At the time, I thought I was doing good work. Sure, I'd miss a few days here and there to stay home and drink, but I was getting pretty good performance reviews, so I was convinced I had it under control.

Looking back now, I was a terrible employee. Maybe I got good reviews because I was talented enough to skate by. But I was nowhere close to reaching my potential.

When I went to rehab, I knew my job was on the line. Coming back, most people were just glad that I was ok. But there were clearly lingering questions about my ability to perform the work. Though I was not put on any kind of formal probation or performance improvement plan, let's just say the higher-ups clearly had their eyes focused on me. One partner flat-out refused to work with me for 6 months because I was "unreliable." It hurt, but I've spent the last year and a half repairing work relationships, proving that I was a reliable employee and working harder and BETTER than I ever have in my life.

Yes, it's taken well over a year to get things back on track, but I am finally reaching my potential. I was only able to do this because of sobriety. My work product has improved dramatically, my billable hours are way up, and I have taken on much more responsibility. I've gotten a nice raise and two bonuses. I'm on track to be promoted next year.

No one ever brings up what happened 1.5 years ago. No one looks at me weird anymore. If I hadn't gotten help, gone to rehab and stuck with AA, I would have been fired ages ago.

So make the most out of your inpatient experience. Find a solid aftercare solution, be it AA or whatever works for you. And things will fall into place. If you do good work, people will forget the rehab stint.

One step at a time though. Get the help you need now. Concentrate on maintaining sobriety. The rest will take care of itself.

dSober

Lying to anyone, but especially yourself, is the worst thing you can do.

melki

I think that's the case for a lot of us. We're intelligent talented people, and this skating by on talent manages to keep us tricked for so long... Wasting away potential is a tragedy really.

Loved the whole post, btw, digdug. Happy for you!