Got it in my mind to drink...
 

Hey there.

Just wanted to say I'm on day 66 of sobriety right now and my sister's wedding is in two days and I've been dreading it for some time, but now the drinking in my mind has started even before I expected it to.

Worst cravings today (tonight, right now) that I've had since back around the 30 day mark.

Didn't really know else where to vent this, so I posted it here. I want to get good and sloppy drunk, and it feels like I've made my mind up for tomorrow (it's 11:25 PM here in Minnesota right now) - it feels like my mind is made up already, and that I can get away with it.

You can still make up your mind not to do it! It's not worth it. Go back and read all the posts that say "day 1. Again." I promise that they will show you it isn't worth it. Also, your sister doesn't need drink family At the wedding, just a sober, healthy you.

Play it through in your head...

Sloppy drunk, then what? Throwing up? Falling over? Hurting yourself, maybe someone else? Blacking out? Having a hangover from hades the next day, that will only make you want to either drink again to take the edge off, or throw up more, or waste a whole day recuperating?

You know your own story; you also inherently know, somewhere deep inside you, that you don't want to do this - otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. ;)

And 67 days!!! That's such a feat. I would absolutely love to hold on til 68, 69, 70, just like I'm holding on to my lil ol' 25. :)

I used to live out in SW St Paul area! I miss the twin cities. :(

I would rethink this. I also "made up my mind" to have a drink after being 2 weeks sober. I figured I could handle it. It was a huge, huge mistake. A few days later I went on a binge and made a fool of myself. Now I feel like death mentally and physically.

Try to convince yourself that it doesn't have to happen if you can.

if you don't drink, and you continue to not drink, the cravings will eventually stop. that is my experience, at least. at that point, you stop needing to fight against the idea of drinking, and you achieve real freedom from booze. you will be totally unmoved by it. your life will be transformed.

don't give up before you get to that point. the drink is not worth it....you probably already know where it will end.

Is there any way you can get away before the reception starts?

Thanks for the responses.


I don't know if it has anything to do with it, but today in Minnesota Fall really kicked into full speed.


Fall was always my favorite time (or so I say, but really there was never a bad time) to drink - the cool breeze, hoodies, jackets with my flask in the inner pocket, bonfires.


I had not had cravings like today/tonight since as I said about over a month ago. The drury overcast weather may have had something to do with it.

There is going to be family here tomorrow from all over the country and I'm nervous too - my social anxiety I always self-medicated with my vodka.

I am trying to think this all through, and thought posting here might be a good idea.

Recognizing your triggers is half the battle, so yay!

Now, break it down and establish a contingency plan, a fire drill, a means of coping/dealing with this.

Keep it simple. Don't out-think yourself. Rooting for ya. Weddings are difficult, regardless the other triggers. You're facing a good bit of "stuff", go easy and breathe. So hard to do sometimes, boy, do I know. :hug:

I think it's part of it, but part of me feels like this is beyond the trigger of the wedding - I think this was just flat out cravings - maybe the gloominess of today had something to do with it.

I usually tell people they don;t need to go, but man honestly...I don't remember my brothers, or my sisters weddings. At all.

I really regret that.

Think about strategies before you go...and have an escape plan...it's better to leave early than stay late and make a mess of yourself.

There are some great tips here too (ignore the title - the tips are good for any social occasion)

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

Your addiction may have it in your mind to drink but there's no need for you to join that conga line.

You;re responsible for everything you put in your mouth. Look at the event as a few hours...challenging maybe but still only a few hours.

The day will be just another in those 67 - 68 days. There's no need to stumble if you come prepared.

D

Great link, Dee! Those tips apply to any alcohol infused festivity.

I also liked the idea that it is a single day amongst many days. Just a day to move through...

Wow day 66 that's amazing! Could you drive to the wedding? That way you can't drink and also can make a get-away if you need to :)

If i drink again i open the door to let all the craziness back into my life .

If i can "get away with it" this time then why not next weekend, next month, tomorrow .. right now ? sounds like the same old craziness and frustration to me ...

I know what the drinking life holds for me , i'd done it to death these last 20 odd years …

I don't know what a sober life holds in store for me … with a plan i'm sure i can do a wedding sober , you can too .

Bestwishes, m

This too shall pass. Don't make a bad decision you'll later regret.

Take a step back and think about the idea that the changing of the seasons could be a reason for drinking. Because the one thing, has absolutely nothing. To do. With the other thing.

How are you going Amnesiac?

D

I eventually realized that I had to approach social events with alcohol in an entirely new way. Sort of like jumping out of an airplane with a parachute into a war zone!
Preparedness:
1 - have a ready answer as to why I am not drinking
2 - am comfortable with the answer, even if it something of a fib, who cares? If I tell someone I am taking a medicine that doesn't mix with alcohol, and it isn't exactly true, it is worth doing if it saves my sobriety.
3 - would I be comfortable bringing a sober buddy?
4 - do I have my own transportation or exit plan so I can leave the instant I am not comfortable?
5 - if non alcoholic beverages may not be available, prepare to bring your own.
6 - don't forget to look around for the "sober table", the folks who might be driving or don't drink, there are actually quite a few of those folks. And that table tends to get more fun as the evening progresses!
7 - enjoy the moments. Live in the moment, something that is usually impossible with alcohol. Savor the food. Savor the conversations. Be happy that you aren't forgetting where you left your car keys, car, wallet, purse, jacket, shoes....
8 - visualize the next morning when you can wake up early and enjoy a morning walk, a run, a non-hungover sunrise...
and keep reminding yourself: yes, you can do this!

I'm in a similar mood this weekend, amnesiac. Today is 67 or 68, I'm not exactly sure, and yesterday I had the most persistent persuasive cravings that I've had since I quit. I don't know if it's the fall weather, or what it is, but today has been difficult too.

I feel great, I look good, and my life is going much better than when I was drinking, so I've been telling myself. I've been likening this discomfort to growing pains. When I get past this, I'll be entering an even better and easier phase. Like you, though, I'm a little surprised to meet such a big challenge over two months into recovery.

YuriO, I love the growing pains analogy! Yes, you will definitely get to an even better phase. Way to keep pushing through.

little fish....brilliant.....if this plan is followed...no drink only happiness..I eventually realized that I had to approach social events with alcohol in an entirely new way. Sort of like jumping out of an airplane with a parachute into a war zone!
Preparedness:
1 - have a ready answer as to why I am not drinking
2 - am comfortable with the answer, even if it something of a fib, who cares? If I tell someone I am taking a medicine that doesn't mix with alcohol, and it isn't exactly true, it is worth doing if it saves my sobriety.
3 - would I be comfortable bringing a sober buddy?
4 - do I have my own transportation or exit plan so I can leave the instant I am not comfortable?
5 - if non alcoholic beverages may not be available, prepare to bring your own.
6 - don't forget to look around for the "sober table", the folks who might be driving or don't drink, there are actually quite a few of those folks. And that table tends to get more fun as the evening progresses!
7 - enjoy the moments. Live in the moment, something that is usually impossible with alcohol. Savor the food. Savor the conversations. Be happy that you aren't forgetting where you left your car keys, car, wallet, purse, jacket, shoes....
8 - visualize the next morning when you can wake up early and enjoy a morning walk, a run, a non-hungover sunrise...
and keep reminding yourself: yes, you can do this!..

The two questions that come to my mind are: (1) why are you dreading your sister's wedding? (2) what are the triggers related to this function that have you so ready to give up more than two months of sobriety?

Sounds to me like you may have some unresolved hurt or anger with your family -- or maybe this is a role that you're expected to play.

Think about those things before blindly flying into "drunk brother" mode.