azile14

Hello~ This is new, new, new to me and I am not exactly certain which forum is most apppropriate (or if I should be here at all..) But my heart hurts so badly that I am willing to take my chances at doing this wrong.

Without going into the gory details, I am struggling with my husband's rapidly increasing use of alcohol and marijuana (alcohol for several years, pot for about a year) He has been on the classic path of escalation. After admitting he had a problem with smoking again a while back (he has a past hx and gave it up for 25 yrs), he quit for several months but is now using again with the intention of continuing. A few hurtful circumstances broadsided me and I went right into the control spin cycle (for the past two months), arguing about it, monitoring, manipulating and more.

I was recently reminded (duh) that there is absolutely nothing i can do to control him or change him. I can however work on me. What i am struggling with most right now is this: Initially he respected or honored my request for him not to use when i am with him but now he uses whenever he isn't working. How do you make it clear you still love someone and act like it but set boundaries and care for yourself. He is very sensitive to what he perceives as the threat of abandonment or judging -getting angry and then using more. AND, since he uses eye drops and tries not to over-do, i don't ALWAYS know if he is stoned... being with him when he is feels like i am reinforcing it or enabling.

I am looking forward to starting the steps again ... lots of material to work with in my self excavation

OK, that is it for tonight... Thank you!

fini

azile,
welcome and i'm sorry to hear of your hurting heart.

i'm thinking the 'family and friends' forum farther down the forum list will be where you'll find more help.
you're welcome all over, but your chances of getting more specific responses might be better.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Ruby2

Hi Azile and welcome. Ditto on the family and friends forum suggestion. I'm an alcoholic and mainly post under that but my husband is also an addict so I started out here with the family and friends forum.

I haven't worked al anon steps but I did make one observation from what you posted. My husband was always sensitive to perceived slights, being abandoned or judging. Used it as an excuse to use more. That was his gig. Any little thing and he was out the door. I started just ignoring it and focusing on me as I had no control over what he felt. And really, I'd be hard pressed sometimes to figure out what next he would take offense to. It was all just smoke.

So hang out with us. Welcome!

0to60

That's a great way to explain working the Steps. Working the Nar-Anon Steps gave me a new perspective on life, my life.

Seems that alcohol and marijuana are socially accepted nowadays; many believe that one cannot even get addicted to marijuana. I'm guessing there would be many, in Marijuana Anonymous, who could give your husband insights into that addiction.