I need your help tonight SR
 

My first major test is coming up. I have to go to a wedding tonight. Its the reception only, the ceremony is for family only. It will be a fairly informal (read, "boozy") reception and the group of people I know there are all drinkers to varying degrees.

I'd really rather not go at all but I feel obliged. My plan is to check back in here tonight and post my good news (i.e. that I didn't drink).

I'm coming up to a month sober and I really don't want to blow it.

Anyone got any tips to help keep me out of trouble tonight? I think I'll just leave if it gets too much...

Party kicks off in 10 hrs...

Either don't go at all or if you do go and at any point if you feel uncomfortable do what you said and leave

Don't put anything in front of your sobriety

I guess it depends on if you're truly ready to give it up. I caught some flack here over my first "test" when I hung out with a friend who was drinking. I didn't have any that day, but a week later at a restaurant...fail.

This is where I had to make some big changes. Doing what I thought I was obliged to do rather than what I had to do to support my decision to quit drinking. I had to learn to put me and my recovery first.

If getting sober is your priority, do whatever it takes to support that. If meeting the expectations of your friends--which may only exisit in your head--is the priority, you may be putting your recovery at risk.

Ultimately I wouldn't go, but if you're going, my sister got married before the summer, and I picked up a few things:

-If it's at a hotel, there will always be the opportunity to go for a walk, outside for some air, to the rest room, or simply walk around the hotel.
-The amount of non drinkers is staggering, I never realised this until I got Sober, elderly relatives/guests or those with religious reasons are great for passing an hour of conversation without the pressure of drinking, one of the bridesmaids at my sister's wedding didn't drink and being in my age range, we ended up talking a lot, at the end of the day she was bored and glad of the company with everyone else at the bar.
-Have what you're going to say when offered a drink planned well in advance, don't leave it until the moment.
-Have an escape plan, how do you excuse yourself if things get too much.
-Focus on the reason you are there, weddings shouldn't be about drinking, you're celebrating the marriage, not on a night out clubbing.
-Most weddings now have a non alcoholic toasting option alongside sparkling wine, this was another new thing for me I hadn't realised.
-Have a non alcoholic drink to hand at all times, frankly no one will care what's in your glass, only us alcoholics care what is in our glass.

If you feel the need to go, overall enjoy yourself, and even more so feel liberated that drinking isn't going to consume the day, and think of that hangover free morning tomorrow!! :)

You've gotten some great suggestions so far. I agree that the reason for going is to celebrate the couple. I went to a bunch of weddings while pregnant (I was a pregnant bridesmaid twice, ugh) and they were actually really pleasant. Take a deep breath, enjoy the food, try to smile, and take a break if you need to. You might surprise yourself. We'll be here to hear the good news afterwards. :)

It will be hard, but I bet you can do it. You seem to have a resolve in your post. Let us know!

I learned to value myself more.
If my obligations were leading me into dangerous waters it was ok not to fulfil that obligation.

I've missed more than one wedding. People do understand.

D

Ask yourself what you will actually do while you are there. If you cannot see yourself not drinking, don't go. Send a gift or a card or congratulate the couple in person at a later date. Unless you are the one getting married, you don't HAVE to go.

"Obliged"? By whom or what?

You are free to choose your actions in every moment of your life. You are not obliged to put your sobriety into danger because of the expectations of friends and family. You are not obliged by convention or politeness. You are not obliged by promises that others have made for you or about you.

If you had implied that you were excited about the celebration, I'd be giving very different counsel.

You said "I'd really rather not go at all but I feel obliged."

If that is true, then you are not listening to yourself, not honoring your true wants and needs. My experience is that the value and gift of sobriety is that my life becomes true to myself; I don't want to feel trapped inside anything, I become truly brave in my quest for freedom.

If that is false, then you are balancing precariously on the edge of the precipice, because for some reason you are misrepresenting your reasons for going.

Careful, friend!

No matter what you decide, I hope that you stay true to yourself, and stay sober, because you have invested so much energy in it and it is important to you.

You are doing awesome. The feeling the next day is way worse, stay focused.

I had to learn to be obliged to taking care of myself.

I had to make my recovery a priority and to say 'No' when I wasn't comfortable.

Staying away from people drinking alcohol was necessary for me to get through the early months.

Stay strong. Have a substitute drink of choice on hand like soda, coffee, anything but alcohol. Know that you are not alone and we are with you. We are a smart phone app. Away. You can do this:)

Hi guys,

Thanks for all your messages and support. I decided not to go. I just told them I was sick, which isn't really a lie because I've actually been having really bad GI issues since yesterday and I'm needing the toilet a lot. Honestly, I probably could have handled it from the drinking point of view, but I couldn't see it being fun, and it's way on the other side of town and I don't drive... so reasons to stay in were mounting.

You're right Heartcore, I was and am not excited about the celebrations! I'm nowhere near figuring out this socialising while not drinking thing. I'm actually quite socially phobic and alcohol masked that for me. I've seen friends one-on-one and its been fine and enjoyable, but sitting with a bunch of other people who are all drinking... it would make me uncomfortable for sure, and even if I didn't pick up a drink I think I would have been quite miserable.

I'm friendly with the bride and groom, but we aren't close and I'm not integral to the celebrations in any way. There'll be further opportunities to flex my sobriety muscles around drinkers but I just don't think tonight was it... although ultimately, my goal is to be able to do anything normal people do without a drink in my hand.

I went to a wedding reception last weekend. It was that of people i didn;t know well but that my partner does.
On reflection i went out of obligation, meeting my responsibilities sober and to prove that after 18 months sober i could handle this stuff....
And on reflection i should have just bowed out.
Nary a drink taken, but it felt like each minute lasted and hour and at the end of 3 hours my head was off on it's own honeymoon and the sun weren't shining!!!! lol
Restless, irritable and discontent and ran out of the place as soon as it was decent to make excuses.
Another lesson learned.
Still early days for me.
I have nothing now to prove that's worth risking my sober equilibrium.
G:)

One thing is that usually no one notices if you are drinking or not. But whenever I go to a party/event, I usually carry around a glass of water/tonic water/Diet coke/whatever. That way I have my hand the same way as everyone else. Truth is, I usually end up annoyed at people who are drinking and just chat with a few people and leave when I can. It's actually not that fun - drinking... I look forward to my sober morning!
Beth

Oh - I just saw you skipped it! Good for you! Thanks for the great news tonight. It was nice to read this :)
Beth

Good choice I reckon Sick :)

D