Day One Again - The Curse of Being "Functional"
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Join Date: Oct 2014
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Hi Stewieb,my first post was yesterday...and it said day 1...again. I know all too well how that feels. My normal routine is / was to pick up a six pack on way home from work and have it gone and bottles hidden before my wife arrived. I know she has meeting tonight and will be late.....generally that would be a great opportunity for me to enjoy a little more 'relaxing'. Heck, I wouldn't even have to drink in garage or backyard! I too only drink beer and virtually always alone. I know she must know. I made it home without stopping for beer and rushed to this site. I relate to your situation very much. I plan to talk to her this weekend, but don't want to let her down if I fail again. My professional life is great, but home is truly a house of cards. I already dread the discussion and my mind would offer many excuses to try it again (alone)...but I am sick of myself and intend to handle it differently this time. I've never expressed any of this before and it seems to help. Good luck with your second day. I'm rooting for you.
I thought I was functional, but I was a helluva lot less functional than I thought I was. I know that now - a couple of people have been pretty honest with me about their observations of the personality change that took place when I was drinking. As far as the job goes...I was holding down a job. That's all. It makes me sad to think about what I could have accomplished if I had been sober.
Although I used to curse being a functioning alcoholic due to people not taking it seriously, now I'm happy I managed to drag my hungover **** to work every day. If I'd allowed myself not to go to work, sobriety would be tougher without a job and without the ability to get a decent job.
Being poor sucks, and although I don't buy that you need all the stuff people surround themselves with. You do need a roof over your head and food in your belly.
Be happy this disease never took those things away from you.
Being poor sucks, and although I don't buy that you need all the stuff people surround themselves with. You do need a roof over your head and food in your belly.
Be happy this disease never took those things away from you.
"Functional" is a word I used to minimize the impact of drinking, in my head. Sure, I managed my drinking well, but I was never in control of my drinking. My drinking ran the show, I was just good at accommodating it, sort of like when firefighters dig ditches to contain a forest fire.
But that fire's still burning something. Maybe it's not burning your life down around you, but damage is being done somewhere. Health, for example, isn't doing great when ten beers is an item on your rotating menu.
It took quitting for me to get control over my drinking. Now I'm no longer at the mercy of the runaway train. Much more "functional" than my previous definition.
But that fire's still burning something. Maybe it's not burning your life down around you, but damage is being done somewhere. Health, for example, isn't doing great when ten beers is an item on your rotating menu.
It took quitting for me to get control over my drinking. Now I'm no longer at the mercy of the runaway train. Much more "functional" than my previous definition.
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