beerbgone

Yesterday I mentioned that I had not heard anything from my addictive voice. Well it showed on day four. There's a football game this weekend that I want to watch and that thought came to my mind. Immediately Regina (my AV's name) hollered "beer". It was fleeting but it did come!

In the past football games were big beer drinking times for me.

Takeaway: Be careful when situations come up that were always drinking times.

Barnumb

Punch her in the face...metaphorically. Football is a challenge for me as well. I plan on missing a couple of weeks and following my teams on an app for a couple weeks to make sure I am ready for another step. However, I can't wait to wake up hangover free Monday morning. Hangover Mondays seem to last three days. yuck.

beerbgone

Alabama fans can't miss football games!!! I think it's a state law. I won't drink though. I quit drinking.

OpenWindow

I planned family events outside of the house the next few weekends because football is a trigger for me as well. It will be fun to be outside, running and playing instead of doing 12oz curls in front of the tv.

JD4010

Good thing I don't watch football.

Doing laundry is a big trigger for me. I'm not kidding.

OpenWindow

Go buy some new clothes, give yourself a day or two off from laundry or bring it to the mat and people watch.

trachemys

One: naming your AV beast is an action of your AV. It needs to be named. It needs to be personal, and identified, and loved.

Two: It needs reaction from you to survive. It needs acknowledgement to exist. Deny it, ignore it, let it wither in darkness to nonexistence.

beerbgone

I'm creating a daily log for when Regina (my addictive voice) shows up. So far this is the only one since I quit. I've got an entry in my log for date, time, trigger and degree of difficulty. Classified this one as a football game trigger and minor difficulty.

I'm hoping that I don't have many major difficulties and that as time goes on they'll all fall into the minor category.

heartcore

Trach -

As soon as I saw that beerbgone had named his AV, I started wondering - what would I name mine? What name suits its personality? Hell, what gender is it?

Then I saw your comment: "naming your AV beast is an action of your AV. It needs to be named. It needs to be personal, and identified, and loved. "

I'm going to be thinking about that all day. I realize that although I've learned to recognize triggers and dis-identify with the "voice", I have not done the work of hating it. I give myself little internal projects within my sobriety, and I think I'll delve a little more deeply into exploring that.

On the other hand, in trying to accept and love all aspects of myself, am I supposed to make some sort of tough-love peace with the AV? Does hating it and developing disgust for it divide me from part of myself, from my shadow self?

Curiouser and curiouser.

As to triggers. Not a football fan (I was raised by hippies in the woods, so competitive sports rituals were not part of my universe). Nonetheless, as a woman who has loved a fair share of American men, I have often watched with them (all part of my plans to be loveable, as the girl who doesn't complain about football). I typically have to get my drink on to endure hours of acting interested in something I'm not interested in.

One of the great benefits of sobriety for me is that I've combined it with "pleasing others" sobriety (because that is the sentiment at the core of much of my drinking, enduring things I don't want to do). My focus these days is on only doing things that I enjoy (I know, everyone else figured that out long ago...).

I LOVE this experiment. Every single thing I get invited to or consider I think "Do I want to do this, right now? Or do I think I'm supposed to want to do this?" It is liberating and fascinating. And it means I likely won't be having that football trigger this year!

OpenWindow

"Do I want to do this, right now? Or do I think I'm supposed to want to do this?

I am going to put it on a card and keep it in my pocket.
This is really, really helpful. Thank you.

PurpleKnight

AV loves routine, the old activities we used to do with a drink in hand, it can create the fairytale of this is a must drink event, Sobriety can wait!!

However it's a myth, activities can be done without alcohol, no one goes to a football game to drink, they go to watch the football and there just happens to be beer there, the main activity is watching the football, whether we have a soda instead is our choice!!

The enjoyment of the game is not dependant on alcohol, but that's not what AV want's us to think!!

oldsoul1122

They're ingrained memories. We learned them and I believe we can also unlearn them.

sprout50

I actually think naming your AV can be a good thing. It shows that you realize you are an addict with an addictive voice. If it works, do it.

I love football and used to drink during the games as well. I found that once I got through that first game though, I was alright.

beerbgone

We all have thoughts going on in our heads all the time. I named my AV because when a drinking thought came into my head I wanted to separate myself from it. I wanted to be able to say to myself "that's not me" that's Regina and I'm not gonna' do a damned thing she says.

freshstart57

That is right on the money there, BBG, from my point of view. Your point of view on this is one that I believe is a good predictor of your success in sobriety.

Consider this if you like. We want to create a clear separation between our thoughts and the thoughts that come from Regina. It's clear what the Regina thoughts are, they are all about drinking, or beating us down to the point we don't believe we can succeed, or it's not worth it, etc. When it comes to alcohol, what thoughts do we identify as 'that IS me'?

For me, it helped to make 'my' thoughts extremely clear and simple on this alcohol thing. My position on drinking again is in my signature file - I am never drinking again. This makes that separation between me and my AV very simple, very clear, rock solid and waterproof. There will never be a question of whether a thought is mine, or is it my AV and not worth a pinch of dried **** ****.

It doesn't sound to me as though naming your AV is an act of love, not when it's your ex wife. That choice might even make that separation even clearer. The best endstate though, some time down the road, is acceptance. No rancor, no anger, just a recognition that the old life of misery and anguish is over and over forever. Your new life has begun. Onward!

luvmygirls

"Do I want to do this, right now? Or do I think I'm supposed to want to do this?

Wow, powerful. This applies to my relationship with my husband. I tend to "go along" but not be happy about it, because he wears me down through trying to convince me of things I should like until I give up. Major food for thought...