Now is the time, this is the place.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Now is the time, this is the place.
I have been a problem drinker for years. I have recently declared war on my alcoholism. I didn't get a DUI, never showed my ass at a party (at least since college), I never missed work, I never missed a social event, a T-ball practice or an event for family, friends or work. I am the classic high functioning alcoholic. I am pretty sure outside of my wife and two of my friends I confided in my desire to remain sober no one else knows or suspects a thing. or maybe people are just polite...
I have tried quitting before, last April and was convinced I could handle moderation. The abstinence lasted two weeks, and moderation lasted two months. I was slowly and absolutely aware of the fact that I was slipping. My major indicator is that I was at the point of hiding bottles from my wife. When she discovered them, I was not to the point of being drunk and had only had 4 beers over a 3 hour period at a party next door. I was just starting to work on a bottle of wine as I was starting to cook dinner. I opened another and hid it so I wouldn't have to confront her on a Sunday night about my drinking, when I so richly deserved to do whatever I wanted because it was my house and I work hard.
I am a fool. I may have lost her that night, if nothing else I lost her trust and will have a long road to get it back. There has been a lot of embarrassment over the years, a lot of wasted time and money I could have been a better partner, better parent, better in my business if I hadn't had the desire to drink. I am now 3 days sober and have this intense desire to never have a drink again. I just have too much to lose, and the reward for drinking is no longer there for me. It is time to keep my promises, to my family and most importantly myself. For the first time in my struggle I have finally come to the realization that I can never, ever, ever have one more drink.
In the past before I had my final straw, I couldn't imagine totally quitting drinking. What about our family cruises, what about football games, what about that trip to Napa Valley, our anniversary, fundraisers, work events, weddings, my birthday??? Never again??? really??? Yes, really. This time I can finally imagine a life with out alcohol.
I am turning 40 in 2 weeks, I have drank enough to last me another 40. This Sober October thing is something I consider great timing. I look forward to living a life of sobriety and gaining the best "me" back. I haven't seen him in many years. I plan on using this forum as a crutch, I don't see myself as an AA type of guy, but if that is what I need to do, I will. In the mean time, this forum will be my outlet, unless another step is needed.
I have been a lurker on soberrecovery since my very loose first attempt at accepting my problem. I returned a week before I was discovery by my wife knowing I was getting in too deep. I have seen some fantastic support for others in our fight here and already feel like this will be a good home base for me! I want to be an active part of the community and if I can be of help or support to others, I welcome it. I know I am new and there will be hurdles and voices and bad days, but I can tell you I am committed to quitting and that is the largest building block I need to get starting on a successful track.
I look forward to feeling better, loosing weight, building relationships, excelling in business, helping others, being a sober husband and dad.The rest of my life is going to be awesome. One last shocking point is the financial toll,I actually ran the numbers on my AMEX i spent over $6,000 in the past two years at the wine store, not including the bottles from the grocery or the cash visit to the liquor store, I am guessing close to 5k a year. If you want a raise, just quit drinking or for that matter smoking too!!!
I wish you all as much determination as I have this day in your fight against addiction!
I have tried quitting before, last April and was convinced I could handle moderation. The abstinence lasted two weeks, and moderation lasted two months. I was slowly and absolutely aware of the fact that I was slipping. My major indicator is that I was at the point of hiding bottles from my wife. When she discovered them, I was not to the point of being drunk and had only had 4 beers over a 3 hour period at a party next door. I was just starting to work on a bottle of wine as I was starting to cook dinner. I opened another and hid it so I wouldn't have to confront her on a Sunday night about my drinking, when I so richly deserved to do whatever I wanted because it was my house and I work hard.
I am a fool. I may have lost her that night, if nothing else I lost her trust and will have a long road to get it back. There has been a lot of embarrassment over the years, a lot of wasted time and money I could have been a better partner, better parent, better in my business if I hadn't had the desire to drink. I am now 3 days sober and have this intense desire to never have a drink again. I just have too much to lose, and the reward for drinking is no longer there for me. It is time to keep my promises, to my family and most importantly myself. For the first time in my struggle I have finally come to the realization that I can never, ever, ever have one more drink.
In the past before I had my final straw, I couldn't imagine totally quitting drinking. What about our family cruises, what about football games, what about that trip to Napa Valley, our anniversary, fundraisers, work events, weddings, my birthday??? Never again??? really??? Yes, really. This time I can finally imagine a life with out alcohol.
I am turning 40 in 2 weeks, I have drank enough to last me another 40. This Sober October thing is something I consider great timing. I look forward to living a life of sobriety and gaining the best "me" back. I haven't seen him in many years. I plan on using this forum as a crutch, I don't see myself as an AA type of guy, but if that is what I need to do, I will. In the mean time, this forum will be my outlet, unless another step is needed.
I have been a lurker on soberrecovery since my very loose first attempt at accepting my problem. I returned a week before I was discovery by my wife knowing I was getting in too deep. I have seen some fantastic support for others in our fight here and already feel like this will be a good home base for me! I want to be an active part of the community and if I can be of help or support to others, I welcome it. I know I am new and there will be hurdles and voices and bad days, but I can tell you I am committed to quitting and that is the largest building block I need to get starting on a successful track.
I look forward to feeling better, loosing weight, building relationships, excelling in business, helping others, being a sober husband and dad.The rest of my life is going to be awesome. One last shocking point is the financial toll,I actually ran the numbers on my AMEX i spent over $6,000 in the past two years at the wine store, not including the bottles from the grocery or the cash visit to the liquor store, I am guessing close to 5k a year. If you want a raise, just quit drinking or for that matter smoking too!!!
I wish you all as much determination as I have this day in your fight against addiction!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
easy tiger, it's not about will power or guilt, it's just you sick of the BS. doing a detox is hard and you need to be kind to yourself. but hey 40 what an age to give up! pasta helps with the depression but really at your age just drink heaps of water (lemon) and go deeper.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by fridgey 
easy tiger, it's not about will power or guilt, it's just you sick of the BS. doing a detox is hard and you need to be kind to yourself. but hey 40 what an age to give up! pasta helps with the depression but really at your age just drink heaps of water (lemon) and go deeper.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
Great post, I was the "functioning'" type too, but enough was enough, things were spiralling, and the fears of living without alcohol we can get past.
In fact being able to remember a last minute field goal to win a game rather than being in a haze is something I now enjoy!!
Great to have you onboard!
Great post, I was the "functioning'" type too, but enough was enough, things were spiralling, and the fears of living without alcohol we can get past.
In fact being able to remember a last minute field goal to win a game rather than being in a haze is something I now enjoy!!
Great to have you onboard!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Welcome, Barnumb! I can relate to hiding alcohol from your spouse, I did that all the time. I too was high functioning, but what I've learned recently here on SR is that "functional alcoholic" is a stage, not a type of alcoholism. I could feel myself slipping and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up the facade of the perfect wife, mom, and working professional. I was also overcome by despair and was becoming increasingly isolated. Good for you for committing to your sobriety. We are here to support you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Welcome to SR
Thank you so much for that post, I could have written most of it myself word for word. Identified with all of it. Spending, hiding alcohol, still functioning (just) , the line about 'it's my house and I work hard so I deserve it' unable to imagine all the upcoming events.
Keep posting, a day at a time you will do this. My best to you friend.
Thank you so much for that post, I could have written most of it myself word for word. Identified with all of it. Spending, hiding alcohol, still functioning (just) , the line about 'it's my house and I work hard so I deserve it' unable to imagine all the upcoming events.
Keep posting, a day at a time you will do this. My best to you friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by sthlondonab
Welcome to SR
Thank you so much for that post, I could have written most of it myself word for word. Identified with all of it. Spending, hiding alcohol, still functioning (just) , the line about 'it's my house and I work hard so I deserve it' unable to imagine all the upcoming events.
Keep posting, a day at a time you will do this. My best to you friend.
Thank you so much for that post, I could have written most of it myself word for word. Identified with all of it. Spending, hiding alcohol, still functioning (just) , the line about 'it's my house and I work hard so I deserve it' unable to imagine all the upcoming events.
Keep posting, a day at a time you will do this. My best to you friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by josharon
Welcome, Barnumb! I can relate to hiding alcohol from your spouse, I did that all the time. I too was high functioning, but what I've learned recently here on SR is that "functional alcoholic" is a stage, not a type of alcoholism. I could feel myself slipping and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up the facade of the perfect wife, mom, and working professional. I was also overcome by despair and was becoming increasingly isolated. Good for you for committing to your sobriety. We are here to support you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Welcome, Barnumb. Congratulations on committing to a sober life, that is most of the battle right there. In fact, if you really believe in the commitment, the battle is pretty much won already. If the going gets rough, you always have us.
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