Now is the time, this is the place.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 126
I drank a way too much for many years, exactly like yourself. No missing work, no DUI's, just a lot of mornings waking up with a world class hangover.
then when I retired at age 60, without the constraints of work to prevent me from drinking during the day, I spiraled out of control. Luckily, I recoginized the mess I was becoming and got sober 4 years ago. I sure wish I had quit at 40. You are doing a great thing.
I never told anyone about having a problem with alcohol. I just told everyone I was quitting. Tired of hangovers, desire to get healthier, lose a few pounds, etc. Just remember, all those functions you mention, family cruises, football games, etc are still going to roll around. Be prepared for well meaning family members and friends to offer you drinks, and question when you say no. Have a thought out plan ready. No excuses, just a firm, "No thanks, cutting back. Trying to lose a few pounds, getting on a health kick" etc.
Without a doubt the hardest part of my getting and staying sober was social situations where friends and family were used to seeing me drink, and offering alcoholic beverages. You are going to love the sober life you are about to experience.
then when I retired at age 60, without the constraints of work to prevent me from drinking during the day, I spiraled out of control. Luckily, I recoginized the mess I was becoming and got sober 4 years ago. I sure wish I had quit at 40. You are doing a great thing.
I never told anyone about having a problem with alcohol. I just told everyone I was quitting. Tired of hangovers, desire to get healthier, lose a few pounds, etc. Just remember, all those functions you mention, family cruises, football games, etc are still going to roll around. Be prepared for well meaning family members and friends to offer you drinks, and question when you say no. Have a thought out plan ready. No excuses, just a firm, "No thanks, cutting back. Trying to lose a few pounds, getting on a health kick" etc.
Without a doubt the hardest part of my getting and staying sober was social situations where friends and family were used to seeing me drink, and offering alcoholic beverages. You are going to love the sober life you are about to experience.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
I have to stop now --
I have never been arrested for drinking or anything else; I go to an event or party -- have a couple of drinks and leave. I have never missed worked or lost a job because of my drinking, but it is slowly killing me. I am overweight. I can't do the things that I want to do. I cannot imagine a day without alcohol. How do people do it? Do they have something that I do not have--some super self-control that I am missing? I have to quit. I need help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
I feel trapped somehow. My husband drinks, and he will not quit. He is retired -- I work. When I come home, I walk through the door, and I immediately crave a drink. I am 64, and I want to travel, learn, explore new things, but since I can't -- I drink. Maybe that's an excuse. I have to stop now. That's all I really know at the moment. I have to stop -- I just do not know how.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Welcome back Harmartia 
It's not easy living with a drinker, but you'll find several people who do, and stay sober...so it's not impossible
Have you thought of finding support for yourself - getting on here could help - or a face to face recovery group like AA or SMART or Life Ring?
D
It's not easy living with a drinker, but you'll find several people who do, and stay sober...so it's not impossible
Have you thought of finding support for yourself - getting on here could help - or a face to face recovery group like AA or SMART or Life Ring?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
Searching to Help
This, so far, is my only source of support. It is difficult (as a woman in a small Southern town), to talk about this with anyone. I went to a couple of AA meetings out of town, but I'm afraid I didn't get much out of either meeting -- everyone seemed to feel so sorry for themselves. This is all my fault. I have no one to blame but myself. I just don't know how to quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by Hamartia 
I have never been arrested for drinking or anything else; I go to an event or party -- have a couple of drinks and leave. I have never missed worked or lost a job because of my drinking, but it is slowly killing me. I am overweight. I can't do the things that I want to do. I cannot imagine a day without alcohol. How do people do it? Do they have something that I do not have--some super self-control that I am missing? I have to quit. I need help.
Being a small town southern lady, I am sure you have put the wants and needs of many, many people in front of yours. If you don't do this at 65, then when? I do not suggest divorce and I know most men won't do counseling. But I would have a come to god conversation about your desires and demand support from your husband to at least be courteous if nothing else for your early days. Or grab the check book and visit a long lost friend or relative for 2-3 weeks and institute a self imposed inpatient vacation. I just hope you can find someone to reach out to in person to help you along. I fear this is a battle that is better fought in a group.
I am new here, but have a big heart and a stake in this community. I have no problem with you reaching out to me if you need someone to confide in. My heart and prayers go out to you as you find your way. In the end YOU have to want to make this happen, The War is waged the day you decide...fully decide that you will NEVER put another drop of alcohol in your blood stream. After that you will have the foundation to do battle, along the ways you pick up what ever tools you deem necessary to make it just one more day. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
I can't stop crying!
Barnumb,
I read your post (or tried to through the tears), and I cannot thank you enough for your compassion and caring. I want to do this -- be sober all of the time -- learn to enjoy tea with lemon again. Your post has given me the courage to start fresh again today. I have emptied the wine bottles and thrown them out this morning. I will remember your words throughout this day and try to stay busy. I thank God that you reached out to me. I am still crying, but I don't feel so alone now. Thank you.
I read your post (or tried to through the tears), and I cannot thank you enough for your compassion and caring. I want to do this -- be sober all of the time -- learn to enjoy tea with lemon again. Your post has given me the courage to start fresh again today. I have emptied the wine bottles and thrown them out this morning. I will remember your words throughout this day and try to stay busy. I thank God that you reached out to me. I am still crying, but I don't feel so alone now. Thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Hamartia,
People do care. Reaching out benefits both parties. I think a lot of people feel alone in their struggle with addiction, while there are millions of us going through the similar situations. I sent you a friend request. Feel free to reach out if you are having a bad day or just want to talk. I am learning how this forum works as well. I am a private person in general, however I know to be successful I will need to be a part of this community. I am grateful someone as some point invented the medium of the internet to allow another to make this site. I am afraid, that with out the shield of a screen name, I may have never had the courage to get this far and couldn't see myself going to AA. I would have pretty much had to reach a homeless, court ordered situation.
In regards to your actions this morning, Cleaning out the alcohol...all the alcohol, not just wine and by some posts even the paraphernalia is a excellent move. Dry your tears and do something for yourself to celebrate your first day of recovery. Post often, we are all here when you need us! Welcome to the family!
People do care. Reaching out benefits both parties. I think a lot of people feel alone in their struggle with addiction, while there are millions of us going through the similar situations. I sent you a friend request. Feel free to reach out if you are having a bad day or just want to talk. I am learning how this forum works as well. I am a private person in general, however I know to be successful I will need to be a part of this community. I am grateful someone as some point invented the medium of the internet to allow another to make this site. I am afraid, that with out the shield of a screen name, I may have never had the courage to get this far and couldn't see myself going to AA. I would have pretty much had to reach a homeless, court ordered situation.
In regards to your actions this morning, Cleaning out the alcohol...all the alcohol, not just wine and by some posts even the paraphernalia is a excellent move. Dry your tears and do something for yourself to celebrate your first day of recovery. Post often, we are all here when you need us! Welcome to the family!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Penn's Woods
Posts: 117
I am now 3 days sober and have this intense desire to never have a drink again. I just have too much to lose, and the reward for drinking is no longer there for me. It is time to keep my promises, to my family and most importantly myself. For the first time in my struggle I have finally come to the realization that I can never, ever, ever have one more drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
Alcohol has been my crutch for so long. So many times I have been slammed against the wall -- trying to take care of my family and thinking I just had no more in me to give, and alcohol became my escape. I would be so tense, I would have a drink to relax -- always so tied up in knots that I would be sick at my stomach -- alcohol seemed to help keep me going. Now, I must turn my back on this. This is as scary as hell itself!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
It is a big step, a personal decision and everyone finds their breaking point at different times. Imagine how much better you could take care of your family with a clear head and no hangovers. You just have to want it bad enough. Everyday gets better. There are thousands of things that can be done to relieve stress that do not involve self destruction.
I can relate to what you are saying. My drinking was always done at home after the chores were done, the house was spotless, the kids in bed, wife working on the computer. Felt like a reward for a hard days work. I deserved it...
Deserved to die early? to be incoherent to my beautiful wife? to be unable to defend my family should a fire break out or an intruder should threaten? To not be able to take my sick child to a hospital because I could not drive. Looking back, no I do not deserve it. Because I now know that my drinking doesn't stop until I pass out, I had to make that choice every day, one day at a time that I choose me and my family over alcohol. I wish I did it years ago. I am hell bent mentally on this one. I am done.
If you do a classic "T" chart with pros on one side and cons on the other, you will be face to face with why you should stop drinking for yourself today. The cons so out weight the pros, there are none. Get your mental game on and kick it. It is OK to be selfish on this type of thing.
I can relate to what you are saying. My drinking was always done at home after the chores were done, the house was spotless, the kids in bed, wife working on the computer. Felt like a reward for a hard days work. I deserved it...
Deserved to die early? to be incoherent to my beautiful wife? to be unable to defend my family should a fire break out or an intruder should threaten? To not be able to take my sick child to a hospital because I could not drive. Looking back, no I do not deserve it. Because I now know that my drinking doesn't stop until I pass out, I had to make that choice every day, one day at a time that I choose me and my family over alcohol. I wish I did it years ago. I am hell bent mentally on this one. I am done.
If you do a classic "T" chart with pros on one side and cons on the other, you will be face to face with why you should stop drinking for yourself today. The cons so out weight the pros, there are none. Get your mental game on and kick it. It is OK to be selfish on this type of thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
Game On!
Barnumb,
I just read this! Maybe it's time I stop being afraid of this and take on the strength I have used in the past helping my family. Thank you for taking the time to help me. I am more grateful that I can say.
I just read this! Maybe it's time I stop being afraid of this and take on the strength I have used in the past helping my family. Thank you for taking the time to help me. I am more grateful that I can say.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Barnumb & Hamartia - welcome, welcome!
Barnumb - you've already figured out one of the elusive bits - nothing keeps us sober as surely as supporting other alcoholics who want to get sober.
I loved the part of your recent post in which you talked about being to drunk to respond to night dangers & protect your family. For me, one of my reasons to quit drinking was that sense of not being competent to protect myself or others when intoxicated. It is one of my "reasons for quitting."
Like you both, I am a "functioning alcoholic" when drinking. I'm a professional, and kept my use of alcohol very private. I read a great thing on here the other day though - if you were in the market for a snappy new car, would it be attractive to you if the car salesman shrugged & said, "well, it's functioning...".
I want do much more out of my life, & hear that from both of you as well. We were all just treading water.
Hamartia - I too live in a very small community. I struggled with the choice to go to AA, and still have discomfort with the "visibility" potential. I will say that I've met some wonderful, intelligent, & kind people there who I welcome into my life. I live alone, so the accountability has been meaningful to my sobriety.
I'm on day 50! Feeling positive, proud, & centered. I dealt with a serious insomnia problem when quitting, but it is slowly resolving. I send my heartfelt support to you both & am delighted that you found SR.
Barnumb - you've already figured out one of the elusive bits - nothing keeps us sober as surely as supporting other alcoholics who want to get sober.
I loved the part of your recent post in which you talked about being to drunk to respond to night dangers & protect your family. For me, one of my reasons to quit drinking was that sense of not being competent to protect myself or others when intoxicated. It is one of my "reasons for quitting."
Like you both, I am a "functioning alcoholic" when drinking. I'm a professional, and kept my use of alcohol very private. I read a great thing on here the other day though - if you were in the market for a snappy new car, would it be attractive to you if the car salesman shrugged & said, "well, it's functioning...".
I want do much more out of my life, & hear that from both of you as well. We were all just treading water.
Hamartia - I too live in a very small community. I struggled with the choice to go to AA, and still have discomfort with the "visibility" potential. I will say that I've met some wonderful, intelligent, & kind people there who I welcome into my life. I live alone, so the accountability has been meaningful to my sobriety.
I'm on day 50! Feeling positive, proud, & centered. I dealt with a serious insomnia problem when quitting, but it is slowly resolving. I send my heartfelt support to you both & am delighted that you found SR.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
Feeling a bit stronger
Heartcore,
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I have never thought about it before, but I, too, want to do more and be more than a functioning mother and grandmother. Part of my problem may well be that I could get by with a drink or two during the day while I worked on my MA. The stress of PhD. work, however, was too much. I turned in papers that I don't believe made a whole lot of sense. I didn't finish. I let a bunch of people down who believed in me. I let myself down.
But on a brighter note, with Barnumb's help, I have made it through the day sober -- Day 1! This feels so good! Thank you so much for caring!
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I have never thought about it before, but I, too, want to do more and be more than a functioning mother and grandmother. Part of my problem may well be that I could get by with a drink or two during the day while I worked on my MA. The stress of PhD. work, however, was too much. I turned in papers that I don't believe made a whole lot of sense. I didn't finish. I let a bunch of people down who believed in me. I let myself down.
But on a brighter note, with Barnumb's help, I have made it through the day sober -- Day 1! This feels so good! Thank you so much for caring!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
Hello World!!
I woke up this morning feeling amazingly wonderful! None of the aches and pains I generally have; no headache; clearer thinking! I have been reading a journal devoted to just my thoughts about my drinking that I started four years ago when I was so depressed and worried. What a horrible prison alcohol creates -- living in a hell that I created myself. I pray that today I can stay sober -- I am still so uncertain about all of this -- scared really. Something tells me I can't do this -- I won't do this; but I just can't listen to that voice. God help me today to stay sober.
I woke up this morning feeling amazingly wonderful! None of the aches and pains I generally have; no headache; clearer thinking! I have been reading a journal devoted to just my thoughts about my drinking that I started four years ago when I was so depressed and worried. What a horrible prison alcohol creates -- living in a hell that I created myself. I pray that today I can stay sober -- I am still so uncertain about all of this -- scared really. Something tells me I can't do this -- I won't do this; but I just can't listen to that voice. God help me today to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you can do this!!
"I am turning 40 in 2 weeks, I have drank enough to last me another 40"
lol... I used a similar line of logic before I turned 40... then went back on the booze again for a year and a half....
now I'll be 42 this month and also 10 months sober this month.
not going back there again.
Welcome.
"I am turning 40 in 2 weeks, I have drank enough to last me another 40"
lol... I used a similar line of logic before I turned 40... then went back on the booze again for a year and a half....
now I'll be 42 this month and also 10 months sober this month.
not going back there again.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Originally Posted by josharon
Welcome, Barnumb! I can relate to hiding alcohol from your spouse, I did that all the time. I too was high functioning, but what I've learned recently here on SR is that "functional alcoholic" is a stage, not a type of alcoholism. I could feel myself slipping and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up the facade of the perfect wife, mom, and working professional. I was also overcome by despair and was becoming increasingly isolated. Good for you for committing to your sobriety. We are here to support you!
Welcome to the best decision you've ever made.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
What an inspiring thread! I felt the same way when I quit. I felt powerful, in that I was reclaiming my life.
I am approaching 8 years as a nondrinker and I can tell you there have been some really bad things happen in my life. I've had to face despair and hardship, as we all do...but I have NEVER ONCE regretted my decision to quit.
Best to you all. You can do this!
I am approaching 8 years as a nondrinker and I can tell you there have been some really bad things happen in my life. I've had to face despair and hardship, as we all do...but I have NEVER ONCE regretted my decision to quit.
Best to you all. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 95
This is from a journal that I have hidden that relates only to my drinking. This was written four years ago: "I went on a trip with my daughter and her family. I packed small bottles of vodka, whiskey, etc., and hid them in my suitcase -- just to help me get through the trip. The plan was to make all of this last throughout the week-end. I drank it all that first night. I was so sick the next day, I told the family I had eaten something bad. They went their way with friends, and I laid in bed sick and miserable. They were gone until 10:00 p.m., so later that day, I went down to the bar and had a couple of drinks, then back to my room to sleep it off." I am so embarrassed about this -- and this was only one incident of my sneaking small bottles of alcohol in the house, etc. This is only Day 2 for me, but I pray I get through it sober and never, ever go back to the way I was -- never, ever drink again!
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