Coming clean
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
It sounds like you grew up with very few boundaries and a lot of enmeshment. I did, too. Do a lot of reading on boundaries, codependency and toxic relationships. That being said, the number one thing to do is to focus on getting sober. Make that number one above all else. By physically taking care of yourself, you will naturally gravitate towards taking care of yourself all f the way around. Fake it until you make it.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Originally Posted by Anna
Have you read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle?
I also thought my emotions controlled my life, hence, I would drink in reaction. Through Tolle, I learned that they do not control me, they are just feelings. I can feel them, recognize them for what they are and let them go.
I also thought my emotions controlled my life, hence, I would drink in reaction. Through Tolle, I learned that they do not control me, they are just feelings. I can feel them, recognize them for what they are and let them go.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,536
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
Thank you! It sounds like you have been there yourself. I never dreamed how stressful care taking can be! In addition, I had no help from anyone, not even my brothers. So it took a giant effort. But, I would never have left my mom to live alone thousands of miles away in a house she could not manage. And I would never put her in a facility. But, that is not the point I guess.
It is hard for me to take care of my emotional needs. I feel selfish doing that. Was brought up to deny yourself and help others. And I try to help people, including my brother. He has been a long time alcoholic who has destroyed his life and is now drinking himself to death. He wants to die and has stated so many times. I can't help him, although I have tried many times over the years.
One thing my mom said before she passed away is that I should take of my brother when she is gone. How?? I think he has alcoholic psychosis which is why he thinks I killed my mother.
So the question is this: how does one start to take care of themselves when all of their life they ignored their needs and put others first?
It is hard for me to take care of my emotional needs. I feel selfish doing that. Was brought up to deny yourself and help others. And I try to help people, including my brother. He has been a long time alcoholic who has destroyed his life and is now drinking himself to death. He wants to die and has stated so many times. I can't help him, although I have tried many times over the years.
One thing my mom said before she passed away is that I should take of my brother when she is gone. How?? I think he has alcoholic psychosis which is why he thinks I killed my mother.
So the question is this: how does one start to take care of themselves when all of their life they ignored their needs and put others first?
Personally, the mornings are mine! I don't allow anyone to interfere with my time in the mornings. It is when I do the things that are important to me, for me, that would otherwise get put on the bottom of the list or get skipped. Once I was in recovery this became vital. I know that I'm absolutely no good to anyone if I don't have myself centered. And when I'm not centered and focused, I'm more prone to relapse, and then we all know where THAT ends up.
Focus on your health and well being because you are worth it and you deserve it. It is amazing how your wellness will radiate out and touch everything around you. Praying for you.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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So the question is this: how does one start to take care of themselves when all of their life they ignored their needs and put others first?
In the beginning, sure, there was an element of fake it until I make it, but I found the more I lived my life like I mattered the more true that became.
I think we've touched on this before, but I learned to trust my own judgement rather that relying on or reacting to others opinions of me.
I decided I didn't need that external validation anymore.
D
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