I don't see the point at the moment
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
sometimes it seems like ninety nine % hard slog to one % wonder .
I gave up worrying about the future , my horizon is about 1 week tops, enough to pay the bills …
Every morning when i wake up i'm sober and i've got the chance to do a bit of work , to make a tiny change in the world for good , to maybe share here on SR to do something good i hope . The smallest thing can change someone else's life profoundly .. a kindness shown … a message sent , a feeling shared .
I've heard the buddists say what we do might be insignificant on the overall scheme of things but this doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile doing .
Take care , m
I gave up worrying about the future , my horizon is about 1 week tops, enough to pay the bills …
Every morning when i wake up i'm sober and i've got the chance to do a bit of work , to make a tiny change in the world for good , to maybe share here on SR to do something good i hope . The smallest thing can change someone else's life profoundly .. a kindness shown … a message sent , a feeling shared .
I've heard the buddists say what we do might be insignificant on the overall scheme of things but this doesn't mean that it's not worthwhile doing .
Take care , m
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 80
I dunno man. Life is pretty fun sometimes. I watched my dog chase a butterfly earlier and it
was hilarious. Things are never as good as they seem or as bad as they seem. At least you have a kid and a job, that's more than many. Think about the Syrian refugees hiking across the ducking desert just to live in a spot where they don't worry about getting beheaded for being a Shia. You're probably doing better than a lot of people. Just enjoy what you got.
was hilarious. Things are never as good as they seem or as bad as they seem. At least you have a kid and a job, that's more than many. Think about the Syrian refugees hiking across the ducking desert just to live in a spot where they don't worry about getting beheaded for being a Shia. You're probably doing better than a lot of people. Just enjoy what you got.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 64
the four horseman of the alcoholic apocalypse, as told to me: irritability, agitation, restlessness and discontent. i have felt the way that you described almost every day of my life for many years. i was jn therapy for years, tried multiple kinds of medication. the only substantial, lasting, reliable relief i've gotten was in and through AA.
i'm not sure if you use AA; i haven't read any of your other posts and i apologize if i'm retreading ground that has already been covered. i also have absolutely no interest in promoting AA over any other recovery plan/ program. do whatever works for you.
but for me, AA has been tremendous. the fellowship alone is worth the cost of admission. if you have difficulty getting to a meeting, there are skype meetings hosted every day in regions all over the world, so you can probably call in to one at a time that works for you. there's no commute!! and if you have a smartphone, you can wear headphones and do chores during the meeting...i do almost every time.
there really is a solution -- and it treats more than just drinking. anyway thats my two cents
i'm not sure if you use AA; i haven't read any of your other posts and i apologize if i'm retreading ground that has already been covered. i also have absolutely no interest in promoting AA over any other recovery plan/ program. do whatever works for you.
but for me, AA has been tremendous. the fellowship alone is worth the cost of admission. if you have difficulty getting to a meeting, there are skype meetings hosted every day in regions all over the world, so you can probably call in to one at a time that works for you. there's no commute!! and if you have a smartphone, you can wear headphones and do chores during the meeting...i do almost every time.
there really is a solution -- and it treats more than just drinking. anyway thats my two cents
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I get the same feelings you do but haven't expressed them quite so eloquently. What's it all for? Why? I don't have an answer. It passes for me, in and out. Some days better than others. You aren't crazy. Since I don't have answers I just wanted to say you aren't alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I could relate to your feelings very much. I read a book a few weeks ago that stated "God is the ocean. We are the waves. God is the dancer. We are the dance." I believe God is experiencing life through all living things just for the pure experience. I don't think there is some big, end goal to achieve. I really do think it is all about experiencing the moment. Being aware right where you are at any point in time. So with that in mind, I have tried to make my every moment a little more interesting and special. I light candles when I work. I savor my coffee and smoothie in the morning. I watch my children when they tell me their stories. I delight in the nuances of their expressions. I make a point of really thanking the people who help me at stores. I watch my dogs interact with each other and us. I have a new sense of awe and wonder about life. Maybe that is God experiencing it through me? If so, I am happy to be Her vessel.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Sasha,
You just sound human to me. I don't think there is a point to all this. We are born, we spent a finite time on this side of the grass, then we die and all that we were is gone. Perhaps a few mourn our passing, but the world just goes on.
I feel it too sometimes, that deep pang in my bones that we are alone here and nothing much matters. And it is probably true that we don't matter much to most people, but you are the world to that little girl. You are the sunshine and that soft place to rest and be safe to her. Your life certainly matters.
You just sound human to me. I don't think there is a point to all this. We are born, we spent a finite time on this side of the grass, then we die and all that we were is gone. Perhaps a few mourn our passing, but the world just goes on.
I feel it too sometimes, that deep pang in my bones that we are alone here and nothing much matters. And it is probably true that we don't matter much to most people, but you are the world to that little girl. You are the sunshine and that soft place to rest and be safe to her. Your life certainly matters.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Originally Posted by Purpleknight 
Sasha, out of everyone here on SR, I look forward to when you post!!
Sometimes I wonder about that same question, I live alone, I have no kids, and so what's the point? what really am I doing here? why take up the space?!!
But I also sometimes think, well maybe it's about what I can give to others, I go to work, I put in a working day, and at the end of it, if I died tomorrow, no one would really give a stuff, but then I come home and I post here on SR and maybe that means something to someone somewhere in the world, you know that proverb of a butterfly spreading it's wings and causing a hurricane on the other side of the world, well maybe that really happens.
I'm not too sure on the answer, why do I get up each morning? who am I living for? what am I living for? I could have checked out long ago, alcohol would have put an end to PK many years ago, but something inside me said otherwise!!
Maybe there's something more, something outside of ourselves, your daughter sounds like a great reason, but also all of those people that you give something back to here on SR!!
I don't think there's anything wrong with you Sasha, I go through those same thoughts now and again, but there is hope in this world, we can find happiness and potential in our journey!!
Sometimes I wonder about that same question, I live alone, I have no kids, and so what's the point? what really am I doing here? why take up the space?!!
But I also sometimes think, well maybe it's about what I can give to others, I go to work, I put in a working day, and at the end of it, if I died tomorrow, no one would really give a stuff, but then I come home and I post here on SR and maybe that means something to someone somewhere in the world, you know that proverb of a butterfly spreading it's wings and causing a hurricane on the other side of the world, well maybe that really happens.
I'm not too sure on the answer, why do I get up each morning? who am I living for? what am I living for? I could have checked out long ago, alcohol would have put an end to PK many years ago, but something inside me said otherwise!!
Maybe there's something more, something outside of ourselves, your daughter sounds like a great reason, but also all of those people that you give something back to here on SR!!
I don't think there's anything wrong with you Sasha, I go through those same thoughts now and again, but there is hope in this world, we can find happiness and potential in our journey!!
For me I think depression does play a part. I have those thoughts more often when I'm depressed. They are also a signal to me that boredom is setting in...and need to spruce up my life a little. I am on a very tight budget, so trips to exotic islands are out of the question.
I've found that just calling up an old friend to chat for while helps break the monotony....or planning to visit someone for the weekend. Taking my daughter out to chuckecheese helps....
I think having a cause that we believe in goes a long way in making our lives more meaningful...less mundane. Wether that be joining a special interest group...such as environmentalists against global warming....or fostering animals....checking in on an elderly neighbor or making care packages for children /elderly in the hospitals or nursing homes. Baking cookies with your daughter...packaging them and taking them to a nursing home. Whatever it is.....finding that special something which you enjoy doing....that makes our world just a little better place.
But please...whatever you do...come back here! We need you!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Sasha4
Life seems like an endless routine of work, sleep, cook meals...
I’m a broken record and I know it.
Life is absurd. I am born into the world as a conscious and self-conscious being who, as a result, suffers loss and pain of my own creation. The Universe and all the objects I encounter in it are as indifferent as is a tornado to my suffering, my plans, and my questions about why I am here and whether or not anything I do makes any difference at all, to say nothing about making sense. It doesn't care; no one cares. Why should I care? What's the point?
I "defend" myself against the absurdity of existence and the awesome, heartbreaking paradox of living in an indifferent world with anxiety, depression and booze, all of which allow a temporary and incomplete retreat from reality while offering an inevitably unfulfilled promise of relief from despair, which is no decision at all. These "outlets," these ill-advised adaptations, are common in their insistence on creating a distorted reality that does violence to love, care and a sense of belonging and, inevitably, meaning.
I don’t know that, for you (or anyone else), this is a "doctor problem," an existential dilemma, or both. Without receiving any pre-packaged meaning for my life, either at birth or along the way, how do I survive my life-depleting "everydayness" without arriving at the conclusion that it is not death that cheats me, but life itself? What would I be, or what would I become, if trauma never shook me out of my daily and sometimes deadly and often deadening routine, one which I've amply demonstrated needs to be both shaken and stirred from time to time?
Our society, our upbringing...both send us persuasive and powerful messages that, given such a harsh and unforgiving reality, safety and security is the way to go, but at what price? (I found safety in my bottle up until the point that I allowed it to rip me and my very being to shreds, most completely. Even a sh*tty boat is good in a storm.)
Get an education, a job, a safe and comfortable place to live; build a family, and everything will be fine. Plan for your future, toe the line, don’t make any waves...a seductive though ultimately unreasonable facsimile for living an authentic life. "Where are the answers to my questions about what life means?" "Why is today no different from any other day?" "Why is everyone else happy while I simply wait around for life’s final act?" "Why doesn’t anyone (really) care that I bought a new car? It’s a Lexus, for chrissakes!" "Why do I always have to make trade-offs in life to get what I want, only to find that the things I want are only important to me when I don’t have them?" "Why am I always in a state of become something? Why can't I just be?!" "Why is there something instead of nothing?" "Who bought this booze, and is it only to fill something that I empty of myself?"
The aftermath of trauma is a great time to recreate ourselves, to define meaning in life on our terms, and to act -- not to think, ruminate, decide, analyze, keep score, take everything into account, balance my checkbook, tie up loose ends, summarize my failures against my successes, worry over what people will think, make a to-do list, compare myself to both those I envy and those I loathe (which is often the same person), or wonder who will be at my funeral when I die.
There are things that I can do, things that I cannot do, things that I must do. Things I’d like to do, hate to do, and things that I’d rather other people do or not do. I’m taking a huge risk by learning to love, to care and to have life MEAN again, if only because now I have something to lose by virtue of my caring, and loss is not on my emotional calendar...or my to-do list. I simply cannot have it, and the rules of engagement in this place and at this time demand security, and don’t allow for the growth and meaning that is available in the experience of pain and suffering.
No one on their deathbed ever said they’d wished they’d worried more about how things would turn out (or about anything at all), or imagined that they would have "figured everything out" had they lingered a bit longer in despair.
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