Body image issues in recovery...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Body image issues in recovery...
I’ve struggled with body image issues for as much of my adult life as I can remember. I’m 5’11 and 160 pound female – well in the “normal range”, and I go to the gym/work out 5-6 days a week. My friends/colleagues always refer to me as being “the fit one” etc., I seem to have this reputation for being a health/exercise freak. But I look in the mirror – and I’m never happy with what I see.
Perhaps this was just another underlying issue that booze would numb for me. But I find that even more so when I sober up, these issues become a raging, predominant issue in my mind. Something new to obsess about. I’m constantly looking in the mirror and thinking I’ve put weight on, when the scale says I haven’t.
Of course, I start eating more food/sweets after I give up drinking, but to be honest I’ve never gained more than a pound or two from this. The decrease in caloric intake due to lack of booze seems to compensate for the increase of sweets, etc.
I’m curious to know if others have found this same issue, and if it got better/subsided with time in recovery? Or did you have to seek outside help for these issues?
Looking forward to hearing wisdom & replies, as always SR
Perhaps this was just another underlying issue that booze would numb for me. But I find that even more so when I sober up, these issues become a raging, predominant issue in my mind. Something new to obsess about. I’m constantly looking in the mirror and thinking I’ve put weight on, when the scale says I haven’t.
Of course, I start eating more food/sweets after I give up drinking, but to be honest I’ve never gained more than a pound or two from this. The decrease in caloric intake due to lack of booze seems to compensate for the increase of sweets, etc.
I’m curious to know if others have found this same issue, and if it got better/subsided with time in recovery? Or did you have to seek outside help for these issues?
Looking forward to hearing wisdom & replies, as always SR
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I hated myself, that's one of the reasons why I drank, I drank myself into oblivion every night of the week, hated how I looked, who I was, nothing felt better than numbing all of it away, alcohol could do that and so I saw it as my best friend.
The problem though was that it wasn't a sustainable solution, some day the piper needed to be paid, the spiral of chaos I was on couldn't be continued indefintily, something had to change!!
The reality is alcohol never fixed the issue, it simply made it disappear for a few hours, but then in the morning the issue was still there, I therefore needed to learn to like myself, see myself as a human being that maybe some other people may accept and like!!
It's gonna take time, but you can get there, alcohol is not the answer!!
The problem though was that it wasn't a sustainable solution, some day the piper needed to be paid, the spiral of chaos I was on couldn't be continued indefintily, something had to change!!
The reality is alcohol never fixed the issue, it simply made it disappear for a few hours, but then in the morning the issue was still there, I therefore needed to learn to like myself, see myself as a human being that maybe some other people may accept and like!!
It's gonna take time, but you can get there, alcohol is not the answer!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I had plenty of issues with myself as a drinker, including with my body that I neglected because I was mostly interested in getting drunk. For me many of these have cleared up pretty fast in sobriety because they were caused by anxiety that got much better when I stopped drinking. I still have some very old issues (that root back to childhood) and I am trying to work on those with the help of a therapist as by myself it was never successful. I really recommend seeking help if you can afford it, there is no risk and even if it does not work, you cannot lose anything but some cash.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
I didn't have body image issues. But, I definitely went looking for other things to obsess about when I stopped drinking. That's when I became very aware that there was going to be a lot more to this than stopping drinking. I found that positive affirmations really helped to replace the obsessive thoughts.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
It's a great start to knock off the booze. It gives you a much better chance of success dealing with other matters. The AA experience seems to be when we straighten out spiritually, we begin to straighten out physically and mentally.
It maybe the your obsession with image might require other outside help, and AA seems to encourage people to take advantage of this. Alternatively, it may turn out that the problem is rooted in self-centredness, as were most of my issues, and the steps were all that was needed to fix them. Only you will be able to tell, but it will be much more straightforward to solve this problem now that the booze is not clouding the issue.
Try not to worry too much. By the sound of things you are doing fine and there is no reason this issue won't be sorted, given a little time.
It maybe the your obsession with image might require other outside help, and AA seems to encourage people to take advantage of this. Alternatively, it may turn out that the problem is rooted in self-centredness, as were most of my issues, and the steps were all that was needed to fix them. Only you will be able to tell, but it will be much more straightforward to solve this problem now that the booze is not clouding the issue.
Try not to worry too much. By the sound of things you are doing fine and there is no reason this issue won't be sorted, given a little time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: South Florida
Posts: 160
I can totally relate to this. I am a 29 year old single female going on 3 months. I have also always had body image issues, even though I am very in shape. When I was drinking I was still working out, but would let myself go for weeks at a time and didn't care because I would just get drunk and get my confidence from that. I am finding now that I have really quit drinking for good, and that liquid confidence is gone, I am obsessing more and more about my appearance and being fit. I workout everyday and obsess about my diet, and feel bad about myself when I "cheat" or feel out of shape. Drinking and saying screw it is not an option anymore so I just get depressed. I am hoping time will help, and I am trying not to be so hard on myself. Learning patience has been the biggest thing for me. I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 83
Have you tried an exercise regimen that doesn't measure results by how you look?
I used to go to a traditional gym and it was "all about abs." how thin can you get so they will show. For me, probably never. I'm just not built that way.
I switched to crossfit, HIIT, or whatever you want to call that type of training. My focus shifted to how much stronger can I get, how much faster can I get, etc. 2 years later, I've dropped 50lbs, 8 waist inches, and gotten so much better. And I did most of that hungover. I'm so excited to really see what potential I can unlock now.
My point is, i quit worrying about the results in the mirror, and start worrying about the results I got in the gym. Not how long could I torture myself on an elliptical. That fed my competitive drive and the rest just fell in place. I still have a little beer gut, but that would probably be because I drank waaaaaay too much beer.
I used to go to a traditional gym and it was "all about abs." how thin can you get so they will show. For me, probably never. I'm just not built that way.
I switched to crossfit, HIIT, or whatever you want to call that type of training. My focus shifted to how much stronger can I get, how much faster can I get, etc. 2 years later, I've dropped 50lbs, 8 waist inches, and gotten so much better. And I did most of that hungover. I'm so excited to really see what potential I can unlock now.
My point is, i quit worrying about the results in the mirror, and start worrying about the results I got in the gym. Not how long could I torture myself on an elliptical. That fed my competitive drive and the rest just fell in place. I still have a little beer gut, but that would probably be because I drank waaaaaay too much beer.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Yup, alcohol provides the "screw it" around body image issues. I too have the feeling that I've gained weight in sobriety, but the scale registers the same. I'm not at the obsessive exercise or food rationing yet, but that is delayed only by my promise to myself that I won't go there within my first 90 days sober. I know myself, and if I add that obsession to the mix, with all it's potential for "failure," I risk my sobriety.
I am well aware, however, that when day 91 hits, that's where I could easily go. I've been exercising in sobriety, but not for body image purposes - just because it is feeling good and helping me to sleep more soundly. Interestingly, I'm enjoying it much more right now - it is "optional" and thus not a chore.
I'm getting older. My body is changing anyway. Living in our culture, as women (and some men deal with it too, I know that), we are bombarded with messaging designed to make us feel unbeautiful, so that products and services can be marketed to us which give us the hope of becoming more-beautiful. Alcohol provided me a little bit of bravado - to walk around naked, to be more seductive, to put myself in situations which affirmed me. It is easier to feel beautiful when you're "out and about" and giving the fellas the eye. They respond, and even though it probably has more to do with drunken availability, you can pretend it is because you are more-beautiful.
Sober, I'm mostly sitting in aa meetings in sweats on uncomfortable folding chairs. Our fellowship here has strong ethics about dating newcomers, so if I do look up during a meeting and catch an eye, said eye is quickly and nervously averted.
I'm looking at this time - this first year of sobriety - as an opportunity to take all that off the table. I don't intend "letting myself go" but I'm also really excited about not being on a daily quest to be more attractive. I think of it as some time to work on the inside being, rather than the outside. My hope is that I'll continue exercise because it feels good and eat food because it is nutritious and tasty and made with love. I'm practicing just being me inside just me.
The beauty of this decision (gosh, it is more-beautiful) is that I can let myself heal emotionally from all that image obsession, work on my sobriety and friendships, and not put myself in situations in which I need alcohol to feel confident with my appearance. My hope is that by the end of this first year, I'll be grounded in self and so stunningly kind, wise, charming and self-aware that I will glow radiantly and boldly, drawing only the very best and healthiest love and admiration to myself.
Someday I hope to be in a relationship in which I feel no self-consciousness, because I will know that my partner finds me profoundly beautiful in all my aspects and that I find myself beautiful that way too.
I am well aware, however, that when day 91 hits, that's where I could easily go. I've been exercising in sobriety, but not for body image purposes - just because it is feeling good and helping me to sleep more soundly. Interestingly, I'm enjoying it much more right now - it is "optional" and thus not a chore.
I'm getting older. My body is changing anyway. Living in our culture, as women (and some men deal with it too, I know that), we are bombarded with messaging designed to make us feel unbeautiful, so that products and services can be marketed to us which give us the hope of becoming more-beautiful. Alcohol provided me a little bit of bravado - to walk around naked, to be more seductive, to put myself in situations which affirmed me. It is easier to feel beautiful when you're "out and about" and giving the fellas the eye. They respond, and even though it probably has more to do with drunken availability, you can pretend it is because you are more-beautiful.
Sober, I'm mostly sitting in aa meetings in sweats on uncomfortable folding chairs. Our fellowship here has strong ethics about dating newcomers, so if I do look up during a meeting and catch an eye, said eye is quickly and nervously averted.
I'm looking at this time - this first year of sobriety - as an opportunity to take all that off the table. I don't intend "letting myself go" but I'm also really excited about not being on a daily quest to be more attractive. I think of it as some time to work on the inside being, rather than the outside. My hope is that I'll continue exercise because it feels good and eat food because it is nutritious and tasty and made with love. I'm practicing just being me inside just me.
The beauty of this decision (gosh, it is more-beautiful) is that I can let myself heal emotionally from all that image obsession, work on my sobriety and friendships, and not put myself in situations in which I need alcohol to feel confident with my appearance. My hope is that by the end of this first year, I'll be grounded in self and so stunningly kind, wise, charming and self-aware that I will glow radiantly and boldly, drawing only the very best and healthiest love and admiration to myself.
Someday I hope to be in a relationship in which I feel no self-consciousness, because I will know that my partner finds me profoundly beautiful in all my aspects and that I find myself beautiful that way too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
Personally, I look and feel fantastic. I'm 33 and look and feel younger than I did mid-20s when I was drinking. It takes hard work and its worth it.
I view my workouts as training for life. They are my outlet, meditation and serenity. I was always an athlete, from 12 years old, but my workouts took a back seat to drinking these past three years. I swear on my Sobriety that I will never neglect myself the way that I had ever again.
Bunnez
I view my workouts as training for life. They are my outlet, meditation and serenity. I was always an athlete, from 12 years old, but my workouts took a back seat to drinking these past three years. I swear on my Sobriety that I will never neglect myself the way that I had ever again.
Bunnez
misanthrope
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: BC
Posts: 52
Well i was short, fat and bald before i quit drinking and i'm still short, fat and bald after quitting drinking lol. How's that for some wisdom for ya? Anyways i figure it does sort of cancel each other out to some extent, alot of calories in beer etc.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Utah
Posts: 144
I echo the sentiments that as women, we have A LOT to live up to in terms of being found "beautiful."
I'm in my mid 30s and way fitter than I've been in a long time, and I still have days where I am dissatisfied. I'm trying to let that go and embrace what I have archived as well as the parts of myself I feel need "work."
I will say that when I was bombed, I definitely felt more alluring, but it was a false confidence. I'd like to learn how to like me and find myself physically attractive for me sober for once!! And try to keep the photoshopped unrealistic measuring stick out of the equation as much as I can!
It's hard, that's for sure.
I'm in my mid 30s and way fitter than I've been in a long time, and I still have days where I am dissatisfied. I'm trying to let that go and embrace what I have archived as well as the parts of myself I feel need "work."
I will say that when I was bombed, I definitely felt more alluring, but it was a false confidence. I'd like to learn how to like me and find myself physically attractive for me sober for once!! And try to keep the photoshopped unrealistic measuring stick out of the equation as much as I can!
It's hard, that's for sure.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I had them, and yes, they've improved greatly over time. I'm right at 1.5 years sober now, and the negative thoughts/feelings do pop up occasionally, but I see it was mostly tied to my self-esteem, and since that's improved drastically, the body image stuff is improving along with it.
I'm in my 30's and am considered slender, fit, and at an ideal weight for my 5'7" frame, with a "pretty" face. And believe me, I never thought so. I ran and lifted weights during the most painful period of sobriety where the body image was a huge deal for me. It's odd how we view ourselves. Many times I thought I was ugly and unattractive and I think it's because of the alcoholism and the way it warped my mind.
There's definitely some healing to do in sobriety, and for women, I'm sure it touches the physical side of us as well, given that we're constantly bombarded with what is "beautiful" in the fashion industry, which is designed to get consumers to spend $.
Therapy didn't help my body issue angst at all, btw. Not a bit. It was something I had to work out entirely for myself. And it drove my husband nuts for a while
I'm in my 30's and am considered slender, fit, and at an ideal weight for my 5'7" frame, with a "pretty" face. And believe me, I never thought so. I ran and lifted weights during the most painful period of sobriety where the body image was a huge deal for me. It's odd how we view ourselves. Many times I thought I was ugly and unattractive and I think it's because of the alcoholism and the way it warped my mind.
There's definitely some healing to do in sobriety, and for women, I'm sure it touches the physical side of us as well, given that we're constantly bombarded with what is "beautiful" in the fashion industry, which is designed to get consumers to spend $.
Therapy didn't help my body issue angst at all, btw. Not a bit. It was something I had to work out entirely for myself. And it drove my husband nuts for a while
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
I had a serious eating disorder when I got sober. My eating disorder and alcoholism began at about the same time (age 13).
I've pretty much done it all--binging, purging, starvation, compulsive exercising. My mind was so twisted regarding this issue.
What happened to me was that I worked the 12 steps and the obsession to drink was instantaneously lifted. However, I still struggled with the eating disorder obsession. About 18 months after my sobriety date, the obsession that went along with the eating disorder was also removed. I no longer have the compulsion to do the activities that defined my eating disorder.
Occasionally, I still have the thoughts. And I'm real sneaky about it too. Instead of "starvation," I'll call it a "fast." Normal people may be able to do spiritual or medical "fasting" but I'm not one of them. So I don't "fast" and I limit my workouts to an hour. I no longer weigh myself every day.
Another thing that helped me, inadvertently, was getting into photography. It gave me a creative outlet, and I think that is so important. It also taught me how easy it is to distort and manipulate bodies in images through software like Photoshop. Now when I look at magazines with perfect bodies, I can see how they were airbrushed, slimmed down, or how the poses and lighting distort reality. I no longer compare myself to those images because I know they are fantasy, not reality.
I've pretty much done it all--binging, purging, starvation, compulsive exercising. My mind was so twisted regarding this issue.
What happened to me was that I worked the 12 steps and the obsession to drink was instantaneously lifted. However, I still struggled with the eating disorder obsession. About 18 months after my sobriety date, the obsession that went along with the eating disorder was also removed. I no longer have the compulsion to do the activities that defined my eating disorder.
Occasionally, I still have the thoughts. And I'm real sneaky about it too. Instead of "starvation," I'll call it a "fast." Normal people may be able to do spiritual or medical "fasting" but I'm not one of them. So I don't "fast" and I limit my workouts to an hour. I no longer weigh myself every day.
Another thing that helped me, inadvertently, was getting into photography. It gave me a creative outlet, and I think that is so important. It also taught me how easy it is to distort and manipulate bodies in images through software like Photoshop. Now when I look at magazines with perfect bodies, I can see how they were airbrushed, slimmed down, or how the poses and lighting distort reality. I no longer compare myself to those images because I know they are fantasy, not reality.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Yup, I've struggled with body image for as long as I can recall. (I'll be 38 in a few months)
I cannot remember a time when this hasn't been a part of me. I started modelling at 13, which in hindsight, I am sure just amplified all the crap in my head. I don't think I would have done that if I knew better. Oddly, I got into it to "help" build my self-esteem, in actuality, it did the complete opposite! I quit when I was about 24(ish).
Just one day decided "I don't want to do this anymore"...called my agent, said take me off the roster. Done! LOL.
I think it's interesting that we never see what other people see. I am never seeing what they are. I am fully aware, that this is not a healthy image and it is getting better as I grow and get older, learn to accept myself...ALL of myself. It took years to get me to where I am now, and I still have some OCD things about eating/exercising habits...but I'm not as fanatic anymore. Thank god.
If I ever have a daughter, she won't be modelling I can say that much. Not til 16 at least.
I cannot remember a time when this hasn't been a part of me. I started modelling at 13, which in hindsight, I am sure just amplified all the crap in my head. I don't think I would have done that if I knew better. Oddly, I got into it to "help" build my self-esteem, in actuality, it did the complete opposite! I quit when I was about 24(ish).
Just one day decided "I don't want to do this anymore"...called my agent, said take me off the roster. Done! LOL.
I think it's interesting that we never see what other people see. I am never seeing what they are. I am fully aware, that this is not a healthy image and it is getting better as I grow and get older, learn to accept myself...ALL of myself. It took years to get me to where I am now, and I still have some OCD things about eating/exercising habits...but I'm not as fanatic anymore. Thank god.
If I ever have a daughter, she won't be modelling I can say that much. Not til 16 at least.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Hi Mrrryah. I can so relate. I'm the same size exactly as you and even when I was thinner (years ago down to under 130 running about 55-60 miles per week) I still felt HUGE. I look back and I can see how senseless that was 
. How old are you? I'm 46 and just very recently I have started to feel a bit better about my body. Interesting, as I now have a few greys and starting perimenopause and I am not super fit right now. I do feel peace coming in my body finally now.
Wish I had words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to let you know I understand.
. How old are you? I'm 46 and just very recently I have started to feel a bit better about my body. Interesting, as I now have a few greys and starting perimenopause and I am not super fit right now. I do feel peace coming in my body finally now. Wish I had words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to let you know I understand
.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
It is much tougher on women out there as far as scrutiny. As a guy, I put on 50 pounds and huge beer gut when I had become a full-blown alcoholic and not many people cared. However, it all came off when I stopped drinking and I could tell people were treating me better.
I still can't believe how I let myself go like that and I didn't really care or notice. As long as I had my beer, TV, and Internet, I was happy drinking at home.
I still can't believe how I let myself go like that and I didn't really care or notice. As long as I had my beer, TV, and Internet, I was happy drinking at home.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
I could relate to SO much of what was posted in this thread!!!
Particularly this. Literally could be describing me to a T:
Particularly this. Literally could be describing me to a T:
Originally Posted by Lucie29 
I can totally relate to this. I am a 29 year old single female going on 3 months. I have also always had body image issues, even though I am very in shape. When I was drinking I was still working out, but would let myself go for weeks at a time and didn't care because I would just get drunk and get my confidence from that. I am finding now that I have really quit drinking for good, and that liquid confidence is gone, I am obsessing more and more about my appearance and being fit. I workout everyday and obsess about my diet, and feel bad about myself when I "cheat" or feel out of shape. Drinking and saying screw it is not an option anymore so I just get depressed. I am hoping time will help, and I am trying not to be so hard on myself. Learning patience has been the biggest thing for me. I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know you are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Getting sober was my chance to not be fat anymore. First I lifted weights, then I ran, now I am back lifting weights. It's a project, projects are good. People working on projects that have some sort of payoff generally feel more fulfilled. So I don't obsess about image, but I am trying to have a better body.
Really ought to dress better though. Sigh.
Really ought to dress better though. Sigh.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
In the beginning I hit the sweets hard. It was all I could do to not down a bag of mint m&ms every single night. The large bags :/
My weight went up and down for a while. But not putting away 2 bottles a night of wine has made a significant difference over the last year.
Strangely enough, I don't think I have ever loved or appreciated my body more. I just turned 45 and I'm in the best shape of my life physically and mentally. Yeah I got stretch marks, yeah I've got cellulite, I've got rolls and dimples and all sorts of interesting peaks and valleys. But i decided to love myself. All of me. Even the nasty bits. And goodness, what a difference that has made.
I realized, somewhere along the line, how can I expect this body to serve me and help meet my needs and goals if I'm constantly hating on it ? I further mistreated it by poisoning it every night. What did I expect from it ?
And it's healing beautifully the longer I practice sobriety.
Not beautiful in the cosmopolitan magazine sense.
Beautiful as in a well traveled piece of durable leather luggage. All worn and scratched and broken in, soft and supple, and strong and resilient to the worst of wear....
My weight went up and down for a while. But not putting away 2 bottles a night of wine has made a significant difference over the last year.
Strangely enough, I don't think I have ever loved or appreciated my body more. I just turned 45 and I'm in the best shape of my life physically and mentally. Yeah I got stretch marks, yeah I've got cellulite, I've got rolls and dimples and all sorts of interesting peaks and valleys. But i decided to love myself. All of me. Even the nasty bits. And goodness, what a difference that has made.
I realized, somewhere along the line, how can I expect this body to serve me and help meet my needs and goals if I'm constantly hating on it ? I further mistreated it by poisoning it every night. What did I expect from it ?
And it's healing beautifully the longer I practice sobriety.
Not beautiful in the cosmopolitan magazine sense.
Beautiful as in a well traveled piece of durable leather luggage. All worn and scratched and broken in, soft and supple, and strong and resilient to the worst of wear...
.
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