Is it still okay if I am here?
 

I don't consider myself an alcoholic. I am trying to cut back on alcohol as I have been abusing it for the past year. I have been tracking my intake the past year, and have not been happy with what I have seen. My best month was 27 days without wine in July, and September has been pretty good overall. (More days without than with). I am on day 9 and plan on continuing on.

In the past 16 years, I have had a couple of bad spots where I have abused alcohol and i have had years where I was able to moderate my intake (barely drank at all) or abstained completely. The past year has been stressful for many reasons, and I have found myself creating an unhealthy habbit of abusing alcohol (wine) and I want to kick it. I also want to be here to support others.

Anyway, I'm not sure at this point if I am going to be a non-drinker for ever, or never drink again. All I know right now is that i need help cutting back, and I am not drinking right now one day at a time.

I've seen mixed comments in the forum, and just want to make sure it's still okay that I am here. I know how sacred recovery is to people, and want to be respectful of that.

Hi Kirsten,

You're very welcome to stick around. I hope your path runs the way you wish.

I think many of us were ambivalent that maybe someday we wouldn't have to be so "radical"--that one day we'd be able to drink again. I posted on here for my first eleven months with that mindset. My moderation slowly changed after a couple relapses into full-on drinking within a week. Eventually it became clear that drinking and I just don't mix and never will again. It took awhile of grieving, but now I'm totally OK with it--in fact, I vastly prefer it.

But the realization was gradual. I am immensely grateful that I had the support and fellowship of SR to support me and guide me while I was going through a lot of angst.

I have found that SR is a very non-judgmental place where people offer helpful advice based on experience--but nobody forces you to walk any planks.

I encourage you to hang around for as long as you like. It's such a positive place.

Hi Kirsten im not one for moderating and i hear you saying your not an alcoholic

you have been in bad spots because of alcohol

sounds and im not being nasty when i say it that you have a problem with alcohol it keeps pulling the rug from under your feet

Kirsten your always welcome i just think that alcohol isnt in both our lives


Kirsten when are you really you when your drunk ? or when your sober ?

Sorry, we only accept full-blown alcoholics haha. Kidding of course. If your drinking is causing any sort of trouble in your life, then you should cut back. For example, issues at work due to a hangover or family conflict.

it's a challenging thing, confronting our struggles with alcohol.

many of us have discovered that the best course of action for our lives is to let alcohol go.

but many of us needed to learn that for ourselves, in our own way and at our own pace....

and while we were learning, we are grateful that there was support and understanding here at SR.

For my part, you're very welcome.

Welcome Kirsten:)

Gilmer's post is "right on".

I, for one, cannot moderate; all attempts have been an abysmal failure and I never want to go back there.

I hope you continue to hang around, too, Kirsten.

(Just a little bit of a heads-up; posts on moderation attempts can push some hot buttons around here as the overwhelming majority of us have tried with very poor results).

I'm glad you're not drinking now and that is the plan at the moment, I think?

You might find, as time goes by, that you see many benefits from abstaining from alcohol.

Thanks! I am on day 9 and I do plan on abstaining one day at a time. I do realize the "moderation" hot button, and will definitely avoid that topic. For me right now, I just need to break up wtih wine. I am not sure if it will be forever or just for a while, but for right now, it's today.

As for who I am when I am sober and when I am drunk. When I drank. I would have max of a bottle or a bottle and a half of a wine between the time I got home from work and bed. It would relax me, but I never got giggly drunk, stumbling drunk etc. Because I have seen alcohol trip me up in the past and I've seen what it has done to other family members, I am choosing to be healthy and quit ahead of the game. I saw an unhealthy pattern forming this past year, and I am breaking that cycle. My house is completely clean of wine glasses, wine openers and wine and will be for a while!

Im not interested in liquor/hard alcohol or beer at all, and if I didn't like wine, I wouldn't drink at all. But I am hoping that as more time passes, I will experience the benefits and just not drink anymore. (My one concern is an upcoming trip to Europe in 2015 with my Aunt who likes to drink wine). Hopefully, I can get enough days behind me before then to make up my mind one way or the other.

I guess I'm careful with my words, as I'm not sure if my break up with wine is forever or for a while yet. I'm still figuring that out - hopefully with your support.

We are here for you, Kirsten.

I broke up with Wine about 6 months ago. He wasn't worth it. Found me a new man....diet coke . All Wine did was drags me down with him. Take it from me, Wine is just one big pain in the A**. Pepsi, Tea and Juice are looking for a gal to hang around with if your interested?

Sure Kirsten, i'm glad you're here. This is a welcoming place. If it wasn't, I sure wouldn't stick around. I can relate to folks being completely abstinent as I have personally gone through the failed moderation attempts and the half-hearted "break" attempts that usually led to feelings of shame after I had regressed to heavy drinking.
We do all have to figure out what is best for us...not what is best for others.
Stick around awhile. :-)

I agree with the others. For me, I have swung back and forth between total abstinence and moderation attempts for many years. Currently, abstinence is the right answer for me.

I'm not sure that anyone can truly commit to forever. It's like a marriage - full of intention, vowing those vows in front of your community, meaning them as you say them with every cell in your being. Flowers and doves and teary hope. But things change. We change.

Luckily, no one is asking me to commit to forever. I'm committed to giving my sobriety the best of my energy - today. Committed to honoring my recovery and caring for myself - today. Abstaining - today.

When I look back over my experience, I think I needed to experiment with moderation at many different points in my life, different circumstances. I've tried in enough different "situations" to drink moderately (in this relationship or that one, living here or there) to realize that - um - the problem is with me. I carry my relationship with alcohol through all those situations, tucked deep within, and - interestingly - it ends up morphing into such a presence that it ultimately changes all those situations and circumstances, basically taking over its role as my director.

And I find my situation changed. And I lose the healthy relationship or grow weary of the place, and there I am, back at square one, trapped in an obsessive love embrace with my very unwell beloved - the alcohol.

Back in the day, when AA first started, the folks recruited (yes, back then it was an intense effort to find and contact the drinking alcoholic) were deep, deep inside their alcoholism. They were bathtub gin kind of guys. Rummys. Drunks.

It is a very different experience, much more confusing in some ways, to be, well, us. I'm a professional woman, successful in my life in most ways, capable, involved in my community, included, and I know that I have an "uncomfortable relationship with wine." My challenges are interior and - for the most part - private.

Abstinence seems like a hell of an over the top response to that, when I look at it with that lens. It is very easy to think - no, I've just got to get control over that aspect of my life, just like when I "decide" to get fit or lose weight.

I read something great the other night on here, even wrote it down in my notebook, and it sums up the truth for me, right now:
"Functional alcoholism is a stage in alcoholism, not a type of alcoholic."

Bottom line - I'm happier sober. I like myself more. But whether that is expressed in abstinence for you, or you are interested in exploring yourself through moderation, the common thread we all have here is that we're trying to be sober today, and to support each other in our growth. My hope is that we have MANY different voices in this community.

Thanks for your post Heartcore. I relate to a lot of what you said.

Your very much welcome in my eyes Kirsten!! :)

How many of us new what we were or what we needed to do when we darkened the doors of SR for the first time? I typed in something to the effect of "drinking too much" into Google and up popped SR, I was on a journey of discovery and that ended with the decision of Sobriety, but that doesn't have to be the same for everyone!!

My point being the common denominator for us all is recognising something has to change with our drinking, whether that's cutting back or going Sober, we're all still on the same page with regards something needs to change!!

Any plan created by someone that has had problems with alcohol that involves maybe continuing drinking at some point sounds like addiction to me. Do you have permission to stay addicted to alcohol? Sure, plenty are and will be until the day they die. Is it a good idea? No, in fact, it's probably a very bad one.

When you stop fighting to keep alcohol in your life is when you will be free. One day at a time is a good start, but if you are considering returning to drinking, you are probably still addicted and listening to the voice of your addiction.

Hi Kirsten sounds like your not sure

hopefully this period of abstinance will help make up your mind

9 days is fantastic

I got to the point of I could never imagine not drinking, but could not imagine continuing to drink.......

There are two ways out of that conundrum - in a box or quit. So, little by little - Day by day I have stayed sober. Committing only to TODAY.

Thus far, that adds up to 114 days......Just for now, today. The box can wait.....

Keep posting!

peace

Not to be judgmental or unwelcoming, honestly, but from what I have read from this and your other posts it appears as if alcohol has played a fairly significant role in your life - not just in the last year but for at least one decade. Enough of a role for me, without knowing you and based upon what you have shared, to say that you are fortunate that neither you or anyone else is dead or seriously injured (for example, from one of your past DUIs).

SR is a great place for us all to examine the consequence of keeping alcohol in our lives. Because whether or not a person self identifies as an 'alcoholic' or 'abuser' - from the very first sip, does anyone really have control? Is it better that you, everyone around you, or the legal system decide - does it matter and to whom?

Welcome here! It's a great place to be :)

:grouphug: