Dealing with anger
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: mountain states, Montana and Wyoming
Posts: 246
Af, Sorry you lost a family member, that is hard. I don't see how it is worse one way or the other, meaning a terrorist attack, a driving accident, cancer etc. Loss is hard, but as with everything, you have to move the hell on.
I don't think Drunktx was being sarcastic, I think; and I honestly don't care, but I think he was just saying instead of focusing on the negative, grab some positive in your life. Perhaps changing a tire is a small thing, but it is something. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment doing small things I used to have to pay to have done. Fixing a toilet, blowing out a sprinkler system, running water lines etc.
IRT Facebook, I got off of it in January and it was the best decision I made this year to date. It is fake, it is all BS, people lie on it and only put on their good face/pictures. I own stock in it as it is very popular and will continue to be popular, but I don't let it bring me down, and if you use it at all, it will eventually bring you down. I went through all the BS of having family members unfriend me etc. Now I don't care what they are doing, and I don't think about it and it does not BOTHER ME!!!
Try to grab some positives in your life however small, and let the past go, don't forget it necessarily, but let it go. Dwelling on the negatives of the past will only prevent you from being positive in the "now" and the future.
Good luck.
I don't think Drunktx was being sarcastic, I think; and I honestly don't care, but I think he was just saying instead of focusing on the negative, grab some positive in your life. Perhaps changing a tire is a small thing, but it is something. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment doing small things I used to have to pay to have done. Fixing a toilet, blowing out a sprinkler system, running water lines etc.
IRT Facebook, I got off of it in January and it was the best decision I made this year to date. It is fake, it is all BS, people lie on it and only put on their good face/pictures. I own stock in it as it is very popular and will continue to be popular, but I don't let it bring me down, and if you use it at all, it will eventually bring you down. I went through all the BS of having family members unfriend me etc. Now I don't care what they are doing, and I don't think about it and it does not BOTHER ME!!!
Try to grab some positives in your life however small, and let the past go, don't forget it necessarily, but let it go. Dwelling on the negatives of the past will only prevent you from being positive in the "now" and the future.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
Nobody wants you to leave, I was only trying to help. Would it be more constructive to give you the gory details. I worked for the American Stock Exchange. When the first plane hit the tower, fire balls came shooting out. we all ran to the trading floor, to make sure the market was still running. When we realized what happened, we immediately shut-off the air handlers so we weren't sucking in exhaust. We went back to every office to make sure there was nobody left near windows or glass. The first tower fell and imploded all the windows on the westerly side. The second plane had already hit at this point. After the first building fell, we evacuated the building and ran south towards the FDR in plumes of smoke. People were quite literally falling from the sky. In all of this, all I could think about was my little brother who went to school on the FDR and 23rd street. Once I made it to the south street seaport, I ran up the FDR to pickup my brother. We walked over the queens borough bridge to queens, where we were picked up by my family.
I got security clearance to get back to ground zero, as the government instructed that the markets had to get back online and open for trading by the coming Monday. The Amex building was not habitable, and couldn't support trading - but we had to get the machine that ran the actual market index out of the building and moved to our backup location. It is then when I saw my office and the parts. Feel free to Google the impact to the American Stock Exchange. We brought trading up on the floor of the NYSE a few weeks later, of which Dick Grasso let me join him form the bell ringing.
Notice I have spared you the gore details - there is no reward in those. I didn't tell you how the depression after that event nearly cost me my marriage. I didn't tell you that I got drunk every night for 18 months. My life was so upside down, I fled to CT with my wife just to get away. Every anniversary, a circle of texts and emails passes between all of us who ran out of the building together, in remembrance of who we lost.
But there was a reward. The reward was the resilience of our country. The way our country banded together to bring our operation back online, to let the world know it couldn't stop us. Am I thrilled to be alive - you damn well better believe it!
I got security clearance to get back to ground zero, as the government instructed that the markets had to get back online and open for trading by the coming Monday. The Amex building was not habitable, and couldn't support trading - but we had to get the machine that ran the actual market index out of the building and moved to our backup location. It is then when I saw my office and the parts. Feel free to Google the impact to the American Stock Exchange. We brought trading up on the floor of the NYSE a few weeks later, of which Dick Grasso let me join him form the bell ringing.
Notice I have spared you the gore details - there is no reward in those. I didn't tell you how the depression after that event nearly cost me my marriage. I didn't tell you that I got drunk every night for 18 months. My life was so upside down, I fled to CT with my wife just to get away. Every anniversary, a circle of texts and emails passes between all of us who ran out of the building together, in remembrance of who we lost.
But there was a reward. The reward was the resilience of our country. The way our country banded together to bring our operation back online, to let the world know it couldn't stop us. Am I thrilled to be alive - you damn well better believe it!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Artfriend,
You've been through some pretty horrendous ordeals so I can understand your pain and anger. I can offer this, it may not be the case for you but that's what this place is all about, offering hope and help. I spent most of my time all week angry, anxious, and.........waiting. It took a while to do it but after I got through the beginning stages of recovery and accepted that I just wasn't going to drink something strange happened. At work the issues that used to drive me insane started to just roll off my back. It wasn't until then that I found that all the reasons that I was angry, and anxious, were my addictive voice continually refreshing the reasons to drink. Drinking never solved the problems either.
It took some separation from drinking to see it but I wasn't really as angry and anxious as I thought that I was. Additionally, I was able to heal exponentially over hard stuff that I had carrying for my whole life. That's because the AV couldn't keep throwing it in my face to supply me with those always present and so much needed reasons to drink.
You may find the same, once you're far away enough that you'll be able to release that anger and frustration.
I certainly commend you for coming here in the state that you're in rather than doing the alternative. You CAN do this.
You've been through some pretty horrendous ordeals so I can understand your pain and anger. I can offer this, it may not be the case for you but that's what this place is all about, offering hope and help. I spent most of my time all week angry, anxious, and.........waiting. It took a while to do it but after I got through the beginning stages of recovery and accepted that I just wasn't going to drink something strange happened. At work the issues that used to drive me insane started to just roll off my back. It wasn't until then that I found that all the reasons that I was angry, and anxious, were my addictive voice continually refreshing the reasons to drink. Drinking never solved the problems either.
It took some separation from drinking to see it but I wasn't really as angry and anxious as I thought that I was. Additionally, I was able to heal exponentially over hard stuff that I had carrying for my whole life. That's because the AV couldn't keep throwing it in my face to supply me with those always present and so much needed reasons to drink.
You may find the same, once you're far away enough that you'll be able to release that anger and frustration.
I certainly commend you for coming here in the state that you're in rather than doing the alternative. You CAN do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
The original intent of the posting was to talk about why I drink and the anger behind it. It was met immediately with sarcasm. I can handle CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Not smart ass remarks.
These types of forums never work for me. The issues are too involved, the interaction too limiting (90% of communication is non-verbal) and things can easily be misconstrued. I know it your job as a monitor to make things run smoothly on the forum, otherwise there would be chaos. However, in this situation, it is crystal clear to me that I am not going to fit in.
These types of forums never work for me. The issues are too involved, the interaction too limiting (90% of communication is non-verbal) and things can easily be misconstrued. I know it your job as a monitor to make things run smoothly on the forum, otherwise there would be chaos. However, in this situation, it is crystal clear to me that I am not going to fit in.
I really don't think there was any sarcasm here at all, just an attempt to get you to focus on the things that make you happy.
It may have not been what you wanted, but from my reading it was in good faith and with good intent I think.
who in their right mind would be sarcastic abut you losing your sister?
With all due respect, that's a pretty illogical and implausible reading of the situation.
But... if particular posters bother you, you can always use the ignore function found in the drop down menu under peoples names at the left here.
I always ran from things that may have been very good for me.
Angry and bitter sucked but change was terrifying.
Like I said, I hope you reconsider...there's a lot of support here - and on some pretty complex issues too.
I think you're better off here than out there ArtFriend - but it's your call
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 101
You have every right to be angry over the things that have happened in your life; however when someone hangs on too long to their anger they are the ones that ultimately suffer. Allow yourself to feel the anger and pain without numbing it with alcohol; then try to find a way to let it go so you can heal. It might be helpful to find a grief support/recovery group to help you cope with the losses that you have experienced.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned - Buddha
Also feel free to take only the advice on SR that is helpful and discard the rest. That’s how I roll.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned - Buddha
Also feel free to take only the advice on SR that is helpful and discard the rest. That’s how I roll.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
I am really late to this thread; I do hope you stay with SR, ArtFriend. I have really enjoyed getting to know you the last couple of days.
I believe that everyone's intentions are/were good; we all have different "styles".
Stay, AF; give us a little more time.
I believe that everyone's intentions are/were good; we all have different "styles".
Stay, AF; give us a little more time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Evidently I am the one who has the issue here. Everyone is telling me I read it wrong or he didn't mean it or whatever. I have a right to MY opinion. It is being smashed to bits. I cannot find any comfort or reason for staying where my voice is stomped on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
ArtFriend, breathe and calm. It's o.k. 
Not everyone in the world will agree with you and you know what? That is o.k.
We all have loss, I too have had mine, and you have had yours.
If I could wave a magic wand and not make me or you suffer ... I would do it.
This is not the fairy tale world I want or you want, it is what it is.
You can grasp what is good, or grasp what is bad, the choice is YOURS.
These people are trying to help you. They do not know you and neither do I, but you are one of us, you are a person, and for that reason I care.
I am sorry for your hurt, heck, I am sorry for mine as well. It s*cks, doesn't it? To sit with it and know there is NOTHING you can do about it. But there it is.
I am so sorry you lost your sister. I really am. I lost my Dad too and I loved him with all my heart. Every day is hard. EVERY SINGLE DAY. But I tell you what, your sister and my Dad, wouldn't want us to drivel our time away in this world and not appreciate all the beautiful things life offers us. They wouldn't respect you for doing it, they would want to live their life, as I try to live mine, getting as much enjoyment out of the world that we possibly can. You can do it too.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change what I can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.
Not everyone in the world will agree with you and you know what? That is o.k.
We all have loss, I too have had mine, and you have had yours.
If I could wave a magic wand and not make me or you suffer ... I would do it.
This is not the fairy tale world I want or you want, it is what it is.
You can grasp what is good, or grasp what is bad, the choice is YOURS.
These people are trying to help you. They do not know you and neither do I, but you are one of us, you are a person, and for that reason I care.
I am sorry for your hurt, heck, I am sorry for mine as well. It s*cks, doesn't it? To sit with it and know there is NOTHING you can do about it. But there it is.
I am so sorry you lost your sister. I really am. I lost my Dad too and I loved him with all my heart. Every day is hard. EVERY SINGLE DAY. But I tell you what, your sister and my Dad, wouldn't want us to drivel our time away in this world and not appreciate all the beautiful things life offers us. They wouldn't respect you for doing it, they would want to live their life, as I try to live mine, getting as much enjoyment out of the world that we possibly can. You can do it too.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change what I can, and have the wisdom to know the difference.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 101
I just gave you a thank-you to validate your feelings. Your feelings are yours and you’re allowed to feel them. I’m glad that you’re venting on SR because it really is a safe place to do it. Whatever you decide to do I just hope you keep your commitment to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Hey Art! Congrats on putting the plug in the jug. Dude's comment was a little out there--shake it off. You're gonna be all over the place with emotions for awhile. Piecing together a why or what for the anger will change. Quiet and nutrition for a few days maybe til you get your bearings? Nothing is worth drinking over.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
