Labels - Alcoholics
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
Labels - Alcoholics
4 days in again - I've struggled for a long time but one of the things I hate is labels. Curious about what people think about being labeled as an alcoholic. I went to AA for two months. People who were sober for 15 + years still label themselves as alcoholics and thank god that they were saved. Nope. I am a great wife, daughter, dog owner and friend. I am not going to label myself as an alcoholic. That's so not right and not positive.
The most depressing time I had was when I went to AA and heard that I was an alcoholic and powerless. The most uplifting was when I got on this forum and SMART info and re-discovered that yeah, it's me, willpower and not powerless.
Advice? I'm doing OK now and reaching out but who knows what will happen this weekend...Thanks for letting me in this forum. Please let me know how folks feel about AA. I hated it. And I'm older (43).
The most depressing time I had was when I went to AA and heard that I was an alcoholic and powerless. The most uplifting was when I got on this forum and SMART info and re-discovered that yeah, it's me, willpower and not powerless.
Advice? I'm doing OK now and reaching out but who knows what will happen this weekend...Thanks for letting me in this forum. Please let me know how folks feel about AA. I hated it. And I'm older (43).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 848
Whatever keeps you sober! I don't push AA, smart or any of that. If you staying sober is happening, you are doing something right!
Me labeling myself as an alcoholic reinforces the fact I can't have just one. It reminds me every time I say it. That helps me so I will always be an alcoholic.
But I can see where it could be construed as derogatory.
Me labeling myself as an alcoholic reinforces the fact I can't have just one. It reminds me every time I say it. That helps me so I will always be an alcoholic.
But I can see where it could be construed as derogatory.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
I'm not an AA'er, but I totally get it, and identify with being called an alcoholic (almost 3 years sober). It's hard to respond in writing, because so much intonation and diction is lost - but please take these next set of comments with a positive tone and disposition. You seem to be caught up with the label, rather than with the identification people from AA or others like myself have with the term. I am proud to be an alcoholic - it means that I have been to hell and back on my journey. It means that I understand what it means to be sober, and that drunkness and /or sobriety is not purely a function of alcohol - rather a way of life and thinking. I have read the Big Book. Those alcoholics (we alcoholics) have made a commitment to honest living. To accepting that our fears can't rule our lives. That we need to view the positive things that god has given us, in the context of that which gives us anxiety. I'm not a preacher nor a person who's been to a single meeting (well, I went to 1 almost three years ago), but I am somebody who gets the brotherhood/sisterhood of alcoholics.... and am proud to be part of it. Not sure about you, but when I meet a recovered alcoholic, they automatically get the benefit of my doubt. I get them, I trust their conscience, and more than anything, I understand the journey they have been on.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
One more thing - the powerless over alcohol doesn't mean you can't stop. It means that if you try to control its consumption, you won't win. So exercise the utmost power, and don't engage the fight with alcohol, just walk away. The minute you try and win (in quantity) you've already lost
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 73
Regardless of the program or course of action you choose for recovery, I believe only two things are needed.
1) wanting recovery
2) support
simple right? now this is just my opinion and in no way am I directly saying one is better than the other - or that there is an "ideal" program.
I just think there are a ton of different ways to achieve true recovery, but it comes down to the person to get the help they need and to explore what "works" for them personally.
once again, this is just opinion - but I'm sure most in recovery will agree do whatever it takes and don't be turned off by one program - try another until you find what fits you.
1) wanting recovery
2) support
simple right? now this is just my opinion and in no way am I directly saying one is better than the other - or that there is an "ideal" program.
I just think there are a ton of different ways to achieve true recovery, but it comes down to the person to get the help they need and to explore what "works" for them personally.
once again, this is just opinion - but I'm sure most in recovery will agree do whatever it takes and don't be turned off by one program - try another until you find what fits you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'm try keep it simple, Labels are largely irrelevant. My goal is to live sober because I cannot control my drinking. Others may choose to label me, bit I simply don't care. I cannot change what they think, but I can change what i do.
Seeker of Enlightenment
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 12
I don't see it so much as a label; I see it as truth. I know I'm an alcoholic because when the liquor talks, I listen (except for the past 22 days, take that, liquor). I'm fine with being called an alcoholic and I still consider myself a pretty good person, at least I try to be. I'm not into the AA stuff, I've taken more of a holistic/spiritual approach, but I do take bits and pieces of any recovery method out there and use what works for me. The end goal is the same, to not drink today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
I get the powerlessness over alcohol. My thing is that I'm not powerless over my life. And, thanks to you all, I can be totally honest and say I am an alcoholic and recognize that we've all been there and done that and the brotherhood/sisterhood of the alcoholics is a relief in honesty. I just don't want it to define my life. I don't want to be on this forum in five years! I know this is my honest and lying to myself truth. If that makes sense. I want to be able to go out with my friends to dinner and have dinner and a couple beers. But I know that's not going to happen. I'd love to do the moderation but I'm hitting myself in the head (as is my husband who is my#1 supporter!) if I believe that. I still want to though.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I dislike labels too and I don't like referring to myself as an alcoholic, BUT, I definitely accept that I am one.
Many of our members find that AA works well for them. I don't use AA myself, but I believe we should each do what works. In the end, we want to recover and thrive, however we choose to do that.
Many of our members find that AA works well for them. I don't use AA myself, but I believe we should each do what works. In the end, we want to recover and thrive, however we choose to do that.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Acknowleding what i am, does not cause me any problems.
On days with high pollen count, my nose runs like a tap, my sinuses block and on really bad days, I sneeze every 2-3 minutes.
Seems I have an allergy to pollen.
An allergy being an abnormal reaction to something.
People who swell up after consuming seafood or peanuts, have a seafood or peanut allergy.
So I can say, with absolutely no shame whatsoever, that I suffer from "hayfever " or pollen allergy.
Likewise, I can say that when I drink alcohol, my body reacts differently to 95% of the population. For most people, one or a handful of drinks is all they want or need. Their bodies process alcohol differently to mine.
I drank in an alcoholic fashion, which essentially boiled down to, one or a handful of drinks was not where I stopped.
I have an abnormal or allergic reaction to alcohol.
It is what it is.
On days with high pollen count, my nose runs like a tap, my sinuses block and on really bad days, I sneeze every 2-3 minutes.
Seems I have an allergy to pollen.
An allergy being an abnormal reaction to something.
People who swell up after consuming seafood or peanuts, have a seafood or peanut allergy.
So I can say, with absolutely no shame whatsoever, that I suffer from "hayfever " or pollen allergy.
Likewise, I can say that when I drink alcohol, my body reacts differently to 95% of the population. For most people, one or a handful of drinks is all they want or need. Their bodies process alcohol differently to mine.
I drank in an alcoholic fashion, which essentially boiled down to, one or a handful of drinks was not where I stopped.
I have an abnormal or allergic reaction to alcohol.
It is what it is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Hi Cindy,
I feel the same way. Someone here once said that during recovery they considered themselves an alcoholic but after a few years they identified themselves as a non-drinker. That group would also include people who never had a drink and those that just didnt like it. There is no negitivity in choosing not to drink.
As long as we know what alcohol means in our life and if we do drink then we will always choose to continue to excess. We just cant touch it. I do look forward to being a 2 year non-drinker. However, now I do consider myself an alcoholic because I dont want to move to fast and risk taking a drink, for whatever reason.
Much love and respect,
-SC
I feel the same way. Someone here once said that during recovery they considered themselves an alcoholic but after a few years they identified themselves as a non-drinker. That group would also include people who never had a drink and those that just didnt like it. There is no negitivity in choosing not to drink.
As long as we know what alcohol means in our life and if we do drink then we will always choose to continue to excess. We just cant touch it. I do look forward to being a 2 year non-drinker. However, now I do consider myself an alcoholic because I dont want to move to fast and risk taking a drink, for whatever reason.
Much love and respect,
-SC
Originally Posted by CindyO 
4 days in again - I've struggled for a long time but one of the things I hate is labels. Curious about what people think about being labeled as an alcoholic. I went to AA for two months. People who were sober for 15 + years still label themselves as alcoholics and thank god that they were saved. Nope. I am a great wife, daughter, dog owner and friend. I am not going to label myself as an alcoholic. That's so not right and not positive.
The most depressing time I had was when I went to AA and heard that I was an alcoholic and powerless. The most uplifting was when I got on this forum and SMART info and re-discovered that yeah, it's me, willpower and not powerless.
Advice? I'm doing OK now and reaching out but who knows what will happen this weekend...Thanks for letting me in this forum. Please let me know how folks feel about AA. I hated it. And I'm older (43).
The most depressing time I had was when I went to AA and heard that I was an alcoholic and powerless. The most uplifting was when I got on this forum and SMART info and re-discovered that yeah, it's me, willpower and not powerless.
Advice? I'm doing OK now and reaching out but who knows what will happen this weekend...Thanks for letting me in this forum. Please let me know how folks feel about AA. I hated it. And I'm older (43).
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
To me, a label is just a word to explain a set of facts. I happen to believe that I am powerless over alcohol, once I start drinking. I think that I have two parents who are also powerless over drinking...they continue when all signs indicate it's time to stop.
I look at other people, and the label doesn't apply to them. They can take or leave alcohol. They can stop when they feel like it, or even more shocking (to me), forget they even have a drink available! They don't have a mental obsession with alcohol. I do. So, the term alcoholic gives me a framework to explain these facts to myself. It helps me to better understand why and how I am different from the average person where alcohol is concerned.
I look at other people, and the label doesn't apply to them. They can take or leave alcohol. They can stop when they feel like it, or even more shocking (to me), forget they even have a drink available! They don't have a mental obsession with alcohol. I do. So, the term alcoholic gives me a framework to explain these facts to myself. It helps me to better understand why and how I am different from the average person where alcohol is concerned.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Well..this is likely to be an active thread….. When I first got sober I had a lot of energy, I had stopped pouring a major depressant down my throat so all of a sudden I felt invigorated and in charge again. Except, that didn't last. I hit a flat patch, probably PAWS around month 4 and 5. I was very grateful to have SR to hold my hand. I needed to hear that this was temporary and would improve. Thankfully, the people who have been around a while offered a glimpse into their journey. I believed them when they told me life would get better, and it has.
I was on SR a lot during my first year. I don't go to AA, I see a therapist, but this is my mainstay. I too, thought that I would fix my life and move on, I had similar thoughts about people who let being an alcoholic define them. What I have gradually come to realize mostly because of the generosity and patience of posters who have been here a while is that they are here to help the newcomer. It is great to find others who are beginning their journey at the same time, and it is great to hear from people who have been sober longer, I learn from both.
Our emotions can be a bit wobbly during early sobriety, I was grateful for the generosity of people who made it a point to come back and offer their wisdom.
I first heard the Hemingway saying "we are stronger in the broken places" here. Most of us have had to stop in our tracks to get sober. It is not an ancillary event like a cooking class, it will likely bleed into every aspect of your life. I am still very private with most people about my journey, but I am also very proud and protective of my sobriety. I understand and identify with not wanting the label "alcoholic" to define you, but being a nondrinker in a drinking world is a daily task. Early recovery, I was told, is the first two years. I know the statistics. But everyone on this board is here because they want to be, that is a significant fact, and I think the longer you are here the more important you will see that aspect become.
All of us have been in the trenches. It is gritty, it is raw, and there is no way you can fluff the despair that comes in right before most of us say "enough". Like anyone who has been through a life altering event, it is normal to want to gravitate towards those who truly understand. My husband is a rock too, but he is not an alcoholic. I don't expect him to be able to understand what it is like to have to give up something that at one point felt as crucial as air.
If I have learned anything, it is that each one of us can offer one another a unique perspective. Atheist, AAer, American, Brit, old, young, male, female….alcoholic, alcohol abuser, nondrinker, we go by many labels/no labels/vague labels. The beauty of sobriety is that it is yours, you can customize it so that it fits with who you are as a person.
I don't believe getting sober has to go against the grain of who you are. But I think being open to different ideas and self aware increase your odds significantly. Welcome! Glad you are here.
I was on SR a lot during my first year. I don't go to AA, I see a therapist, but this is my mainstay. I too, thought that I would fix my life and move on, I had similar thoughts about people who let being an alcoholic define them. What I have gradually come to realize mostly because of the generosity and patience of posters who have been here a while is that they are here to help the newcomer. It is great to find others who are beginning their journey at the same time, and it is great to hear from people who have been sober longer, I learn from both.
Our emotions can be a bit wobbly during early sobriety, I was grateful for the generosity of people who made it a point to come back and offer their wisdom.
I first heard the Hemingway saying "we are stronger in the broken places" here. Most of us have had to stop in our tracks to get sober. It is not an ancillary event like a cooking class, it will likely bleed into every aspect of your life. I am still very private with most people about my journey, but I am also very proud and protective of my sobriety. I understand and identify with not wanting the label "alcoholic" to define you, but being a nondrinker in a drinking world is a daily task. Early recovery, I was told, is the first two years. I know the statistics. But everyone on this board is here because they want to be, that is a significant fact, and I think the longer you are here the more important you will see that aspect become.
All of us have been in the trenches. It is gritty, it is raw, and there is no way you can fluff the despair that comes in right before most of us say "enough". Like anyone who has been through a life altering event, it is normal to want to gravitate towards those who truly understand. My husband is a rock too, but he is not an alcoholic. I don't expect him to be able to understand what it is like to have to give up something that at one point felt as crucial as air.
If I have learned anything, it is that each one of us can offer one another a unique perspective. Atheist, AAer, American, Brit, old, young, male, female….alcoholic, alcohol abuser, nondrinker, we go by many labels/no labels/vague labels. The beauty of sobriety is that it is yours, you can customize it so that it fits with who you are as a person.
I don't believe getting sober has to go against the grain of who you are. But I think being open to different ideas and self aware increase your odds significantly. Welcome! Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
The only time I have ever referred to myself as an alcoholic is on SR. Today is Day 45 for me - - I had to stop to count.
I do not do AA; I get all my support here.
I am hoping with time to need SR less and less. When I first found the site, I was on at least ten hours a day, and I believe SR is what got me through the first few weeks. I most likely would have slipped right back to drinking if it was not for the wonderful people of SR.
Good Luck. READ, POST, and don't pick up the first drink.
I do not do AA; I get all my support here.
I am hoping with time to need SR less and less. When I first found the site, I was on at least ten hours a day, and I believe SR is what got me through the first few weeks. I most likely would have slipped right back to drinking if it was not for the wonderful people of SR.
Good Luck. READ, POST, and don't pick up the first drink.
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