Labels - Alcoholics
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I had a friend who had raging, unbelievable problems with alcohol - the most intense relationship I've ever witnessed (and - trust me - I've witnessed my share). He basically drank to blackout every night, which wasn't hard, as his body had been so damaged. In blackout he used to stand in the street screaming..
Point is, that every time I hear the word "alcoholic" I think about that sweet and damaged man, earnestly explaining to me in his slurring voice "I have to drink. I'm an alcoholic." So matter of fact. So heartbreaking (and I can't pass the tone in typed words...).
So whenever I hear "alcoholic" I hear his voice and think about his life. And it doesn't look anything like me or my life. I think of an alcoholic as someone still dependent on and impaired/damaged from alcohol.
I do go to AA, and in the beginning of the meeting I identify as "I'm ****, addict and alcoholic." It is more a formal and traditional introduction, like bowing to your sensei or something, and I don't feel the need to adapt it.
In the whole rest of my life, if asked specifically about alcohol or drugs, I say "I'm in recovery." That - for me - is a whole different descriptive. Most people these days know what it means, and if they don't, well, they can ask. But for me, that phrase is hopeful and transmits a strong sense of growth and energy.
Some people say that we use the words "alcoholic" or "drunks" to describe ourselves to continually remind ourselves where we come from. But it doesn't make me think of my past. I didn't go to bars, didn't stand in the street screaming, didn't wear the lampshade as a hat or **** my pants (which are the cultural associations with the word alcoholic - those and all the DUI/criminal aspects, the domestic violence aspects, and on and on). I am a very private and quiet being, and so such an identification to anyone outside AA serves only to confuse them beyond understanding. It is not a bridge to understanding me, but a barrier.
"I'm in recovery" implies action to change your life for the better, without defining what your specific challenge was. I also often tell non-AA folk that I'm headed out to my "support group" or "12 step support group." Its just language, I guess, but we have to be comfortable with it and it has to match our own associations with the words for us to have that comfort.
Point is, that every time I hear the word "alcoholic" I think about that sweet and damaged man, earnestly explaining to me in his slurring voice "I have to drink. I'm an alcoholic." So matter of fact. So heartbreaking (and I can't pass the tone in typed words...).
So whenever I hear "alcoholic" I hear his voice and think about his life. And it doesn't look anything like me or my life. I think of an alcoholic as someone still dependent on and impaired/damaged from alcohol.
I do go to AA, and in the beginning of the meeting I identify as "I'm ****, addict and alcoholic." It is more a formal and traditional introduction, like bowing to your sensei or something, and I don't feel the need to adapt it.
In the whole rest of my life, if asked specifically about alcohol or drugs, I say "I'm in recovery." That - for me - is a whole different descriptive. Most people these days know what it means, and if they don't, well, they can ask. But for me, that phrase is hopeful and transmits a strong sense of growth and energy.
Some people say that we use the words "alcoholic" or "drunks" to describe ourselves to continually remind ourselves where we come from. But it doesn't make me think of my past. I didn't go to bars, didn't stand in the street screaming, didn't wear the lampshade as a hat or **** my pants (which are the cultural associations with the word alcoholic - those and all the DUI/criminal aspects, the domestic violence aspects, and on and on). I am a very private and quiet being, and so such an identification to anyone outside AA serves only to confuse them beyond understanding. It is not a bridge to understanding me, but a barrier.
"I'm in recovery" implies action to change your life for the better, without defining what your specific challenge was. I also often tell non-AA folk that I'm headed out to my "support group" or "12 step support group." Its just language, I guess, but we have to be comfortable with it and it has to match our own associations with the words for us to have that comfort.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by CindyO 
Hawks - I get it.
Thanks everyone! I'm on a good path.
Thanks everyone! I'm on a good path.
Misinformation, prejudice & ignorance from greater society coalesces to bring about a type of shame in those who have an allergic reaction to alcohol.
Entire wings of government and private organisations are set in place to try and ensure no such prejudices are allowed to interfere with the lives of those with problems other than alcoholism.
So we see education programs launched to combat prejudice towards those with mental illness, physical handicaps..... The list could be greatly increased, but you get the point.
For those of us with an alcohol problem, an allergic reaction to same, there exists no such government bodies or private organisations set up to advocate for us.
Such is life
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I think I prefer to call myself a "Soberist" 
I tend to identify more with the term "addict" than "alcoholic" as my unreliable off button is not limited to alcohol. I have addictive tendencies and have suffered struggle with alcohol, nicotine, relationships, gambling, food yadda yadda. I think sometimes I will turn to ANYTHING rather than deal with my feelings. Emotional sobriety is what I'm after in every way.
AA is part of my recovery plan. Never thought it would be ever again..but I lost a sobriety over lonelieness and isolation last year so I figured I needed some sober connections and basically something to get me out and about when at a loss. Booze (wine mostly) was my evening and weekend plan for years and years and years..
At AA meetings, I do use the term "alcoholic" simply because if I used the term "addict" it would likely be assumed that "drugs" were my issue...and I'm there for my alcohol and addiction issues in general..so I say it. It gave me grief at first but it doesn't anymore. All I'm really concerned with is staying sober and I so I do what I need to. Many folks here find great support success with SR alone. In all honesty, I pretty much only go to one AA meeting a week..which is my homegroup ..and I love those guys. I just needed additional "sober community".
Mostly, I just want to identify with someone who is sober.
I tend to identify more with the term "addict" than "alcoholic" as my unreliable off button is not limited to alcohol. I have addictive tendencies and have suffered struggle with alcohol, nicotine, relationships, gambling, food yadda yadda. I think sometimes I will turn to ANYTHING rather than deal with my feelings. Emotional sobriety is what I'm after in every way.
AA is part of my recovery plan. Never thought it would be ever again..but I lost a sobriety over lonelieness and isolation last year so I figured I needed some sober connections and basically something to get me out and about when at a loss. Booze (wine mostly) was my evening and weekend plan for years and years and years..
At AA meetings, I do use the term "alcoholic" simply because if I used the term "addict" it would likely be assumed that "drugs" were my issue...and I'm there for my alcohol and addiction issues in general..so I say it. It gave me grief at first but it doesn't anymore. All I'm really concerned with is staying sober and I so I do what I need to. Many folks here find great support success with SR alone. In all honesty, I pretty much only go to one AA meeting a week..which is my homegroup ..and I love those guys. I just needed additional "sober community".
Mostly, I just want to identify with someone who is sober.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Bill W, when he wrote the steps, thought about putting something like... We admitted we were licked
In other words, we admitted alcohol had thoroughly kicked our butts and kicked it hard and repeatedly.
He ended up putting "powerless " because he then went on to talk about "new power " (a God of your own understanding)
Initially in AA people were visited in hospital beds, often there for the third or fourth time. In those days, people didn't get many more chances, after that, you'd be forcibly put in an insane asylum and left there. If you caused problems at the asylum, they would sedate you chemically for the rest of your life or a frontal lobotomy performed. For your own safety and the safety of others.
(Jack Nicholson, in "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest)
These days, people get to AA long before they have nearly lost everything. So they arrive feeling like they still have power and that things are still pretty manageable.
It helps to frame the first step as being written in 1939, well before there was much help for alcoholic folk.
They just deemed them immoral and locked them away.
There is a member of the AA group I belong to, who says that the carpark outside AA meetings these days, looks like a new car showroom.
When he was first around in 1971, the police would stop by to check out the two cars in the carpark of an AA meeting, to make sure they weren't stolen.
Two cars in the carpark, fifty people in the meeting.
In other words, the bottom has been raised considerably.
So the first step, being written in 1939, leaves a lot of people absolutely aghast in modern times.
With a car in the driveway, a job still in place, a roof over there heads and reaching out for the very first time, how can powerlessness and unmanageability in their life be applicable???
It isn't really, because most people pull up these days before they reach true powerlessness or true unmanageability.
I hope that helps frame things in a new light for you.
In other words, we admitted alcohol had thoroughly kicked our butts and kicked it hard and repeatedly.
He ended up putting "powerless " because he then went on to talk about "new power " (a God of your own understanding)
Initially in AA people were visited in hospital beds, often there for the third or fourth time. In those days, people didn't get many more chances, after that, you'd be forcibly put in an insane asylum and left there. If you caused problems at the asylum, they would sedate you chemically for the rest of your life or a frontal lobotomy performed. For your own safety and the safety of others.
(Jack Nicholson, in "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest)
These days, people get to AA long before they have nearly lost everything. So they arrive feeling like they still have power and that things are still pretty manageable.
It helps to frame the first step as being written in 1939, well before there was much help for alcoholic folk.
They just deemed them immoral and locked them away.
There is a member of the AA group I belong to, who says that the carpark outside AA meetings these days, looks like a new car showroom.
When he was first around in 1971, the police would stop by to check out the two cars in the carpark of an AA meeting, to make sure they weren't stolen.
Two cars in the carpark, fifty people in the meeting.
In other words, the bottom has been raised considerably.
So the first step, being written in 1939, leaves a lot of people absolutely aghast in modern times.
With a car in the driveway, a job still in place, a roof over there heads and reaching out for the very first time, how can powerlessness and unmanageability in their life be applicable???
It isn't really, because most people pull up these days before they reach true powerlessness or true unmanageability.
I hope that helps frame things in a new light for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
I don't like labels either. I am me and I drank too much till I developed an addiction. I guess it really doesn't matter what others call me.
I was in AA. There were some helpful people and some valid concepts. It just wasn't for me.
I researched many recovery methods and used parts of these that I felt made sense.
Everyone is different. Some need a clearly defined path to follow. Some make their own path. I'm pretty sure we're all trying to get to the same destination.
What ever you choose, stick with it.
I was in AA. There were some helpful people and some valid concepts. It just wasn't for me.
I researched many recovery methods and used parts of these that I felt made sense.
Everyone is different. Some need a clearly defined path to follow. Some make their own path. I'm pretty sure we're all trying to get to the same destination.
What ever you choose, stick with it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 12
I will say that I'm an alcoholic because I know alcoholism is my disease.
BUT
I do not refer to myself as an alcoholic. I refer to myself as a person in recovery because that's exactly what I am. I am a person in recovery and I suffer from alcoholism.
I am not a wino or a drunk or a lush.
I wouldn't refer to someone with HIV by their disease. I wouldn't refer to someone with schizophrenia by their disease. I wouldn't refer to someone with lupus by their disease.
I afford myself the same kindness and consideration. Others may do as they will, but I choose differently.
I am a person in recovery who suffers from alcoholism.
**two cents given**
BUT
I do not refer to myself as an alcoholic. I refer to myself as a person in recovery because that's exactly what I am. I am a person in recovery and I suffer from alcoholism.
I am not a wino or a drunk or a lush.
I wouldn't refer to someone with HIV by their disease. I wouldn't refer to someone with schizophrenia by their disease. I wouldn't refer to someone with lupus by their disease.
I afford myself the same kindness and consideration. Others may do as they will, but I choose differently.
I am a person in recovery who suffers from alcoholism.
**two cents given**
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Welcome Cindy - I hate labels also - I agree that alcohol abuse and dependence is like an allergy and we are affected differently from others by alcohol depending on our genetic make up, socialization factors, and family dynamics. There are probably other factors also, I don't claim to be an expert. But whats for sure is that SR alone has totally helped me to achieve my almost 8 months sober. Hang in here on this site. The wisdom and support you will find here is amazing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The only time I use "alcoholic" is here on SR, with people who understand, and even then I don't say it too much, the reality is a label doesn't mean a whole lot, the solution to the problem is the important focus.
When I'm with family/friends/work colleagues, I'm now a "non drinker", there are millions out there that are the same, simply through choice, and so getting into the whys and hows is not important, it takes a certain amount of stress about the whole thing away.
But at the end of the day I know why I needed to part ways with alcohol on a permanent basis, that is the important thing!!
When I'm with family/friends/work colleagues, I'm now a "non drinker", there are millions out there that are the same, simply through choice, and so getting into the whys and hows is not important, it takes a certain amount of stress about the whole thing away.
But at the end of the day I know why I needed to part ways with alcohol on a permanent basis, that is the important thing!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by Purpleknight
The only time I use "alcoholic" is here on SR, with people who understand, and even then I don't say it too much, the reality is a label doesn't mean a whole lot, the solution to the problem is the important focus.
When I'm with family/friends/work colleagues, I'm now a "non drinker", there are millions out there that are the same, simply through choice, and so getting into the whys and hows is not important, it takes a certain amount of stress about the whole thing away.
But at the end of the day I know why I needed to part ways with alcohol on a permanent basis, that is the important thing!!
When I'm with family/friends/work colleagues, I'm now a "non drinker", there are millions out there that are the same, simply through choice, and so getting into the whys and hows is not important, it takes a certain amount of stress about the whole thing away.
But at the end of the day I know why I needed to part ways with alcohol on a permanent basis, that is the important thing!!
As far as labeling myself an alcoholic for the rest of my life, I have no issue with that at all. I don't see it as a negative thing. If anything, it empowers me in a lot of ways. I really do see this as though I have a deadly allergy to it. If I had a deadly allergy towards strawberries, I would never tell myself I'm not allergic to them simply because I wasn't choosing to eat them. If there was a title for people allergic to strawberries (I'm gonna guess there probably is), I would consider myself that title. Same with alcoholic. Nothing wrong in my mind with being forever conscious of the fact that I'm different than the average person in regard to alcohol. My wife, my parents, and lots of my friends can have a glass of wine for dinner with no repercussions. I believe with all my heart and soul that if I do, there's a very good chance it will eventually (and probably quickly), kill me. If not I'm certain it will ruin my life. I'm an alcoholic. No big deal so long as I don't pick up a drink. I don't have to tell anybody that who I don't want, and who might not understand. And I don't.
Been working for 3 full decades now, with no negative fallout whatsoever
.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I do not look at it as a label but I think normal people use it that way. Just like saying someone is fat but medically they are obese. I hate that word. Obese. Even at 175 I am considered obese but I don't walk around saying I am obese. I say something nicer like I could stand to lose a few pounds, I am thick, I am plump, I am on the heavy side, I am big boned. Anything but obese. I hate that label.
To me, alcoholic, is a definition but it does explain why I am the way I am. Why I think the way I think. Why I had cravings that others do not have. Why I was obsessed with drinking all day, everyday.
I have alcoholism. That makes me an alcoholic.
alcoholic; noun
a person who frequently drinks too much alcohol and is unable to live a normal and healthy life : a person who is affected with alcoholism
alcoholism; noun
a medical condition in which someone frequently drinks too much alcohol and becomes unable to live a normal and healthy life
Now that is just the definition. For me it involves so much more than that. It goes deeper and there was a lot to dig into. It is who I am. Inside. I am an alcoholic. Drinking is but a symptom of my thinking.
The definition just helped me get past my own denial of stating I was a functional alcoholic or that I could stop anytime I wanted to, I just didn't want to.
Today I can say I am a grateful recovering alcoholic.
I say do whatever keeps you sober. Do whatever program you want and how you want to do it if it keeps you sober. Make any changes to your life and your mind if it keeps you sober. You can be happy and sober at the same time.
To me, alcoholic, is a definition but it does explain why I am the way I am. Why I think the way I think. Why I had cravings that others do not have. Why I was obsessed with drinking all day, everyday.
I have alcoholism. That makes me an alcoholic.
alcoholic; noun
a person who frequently drinks too much alcohol and is unable to live a normal and healthy life : a person who is affected with alcoholism
alcoholism; noun
a medical condition in which someone frequently drinks too much alcohol and becomes unable to live a normal and healthy life
Now that is just the definition. For me it involves so much more than that. It goes deeper and there was a lot to dig into. It is who I am. Inside. I am an alcoholic. Drinking is but a symptom of my thinking.
The definition just helped me get past my own denial of stating I was a functional alcoholic or that I could stop anytime I wanted to, I just didn't want to.
Today I can say I am a grateful recovering alcoholic.
I say do whatever keeps you sober. Do whatever program you want and how you want to do it if it keeps you sober. Make any changes to your life and your mind if it keeps you sober. You can be happy and sober at the same time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi Carol.
I don't use AA because I don't find it useful to me. I don't call myself an 'alcoholic' because I don't find it useful to do so. I don't drink. Ever. That is enough for me. Find what resonates with you and move forward.
I don't use AA because I don't find it useful to me. I don't call myself an 'alcoholic' because I don't find it useful to do so. I don't drink. Ever. That is enough for me. Find what resonates with you and move forward.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Utah
Posts: 144
Labels = perception = your reality.
We label according to how we perceive those labels to represent ourselves. Right now, I guess I would label myself as a "problem drinker," because it will cause a problem if I indulge. My perception of what it means to be a sufferer of alcoholism doesn't apply to my current relationship with booze.
Others can and may disagree, and that's ok. As long as we're all trying to figure out a way to be rid of the problem drinking and stay sober, I say it's just grasping at straws to argue over semantics. (Not that anyone here is doing that--I really am enjoying this discussion!)
As for AA, I haven't been down that route yet. I wouldn't rule it our for myself, but SR so far has been like an internet security blankie for me
We label according to how we perceive those labels to represent ourselves. Right now, I guess I would label myself as a "problem drinker," because it will cause a problem if I indulge. My perception of what it means to be a sufferer of alcoholism doesn't apply to my current relationship with booze.
Others can and may disagree, and that's ok. As long as we're all trying to figure out a way to be rid of the problem drinking and stay sober, I say it's just grasping at straws to argue over semantics. (Not that anyone here is doing that--I really am enjoying this discussion!)
As for AA, I haven't been down that route yet. I wouldn't rule it our for myself, but SR so far has been like an internet security blankie for me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
Wow- five days sober and what an interesting conversation thread. I am an alcoholic and proud of the folks who beat it. I do like the idea of labeling myself a non-drinker in a few years. I have a sister who never drank - never liked the taste (I wish!) and it's not a big deal. Thank you GracieLou for identifying horrible labels. 175 is not "obese". I like positive labels. But I do identify with the pride that comes from going from the bottom and keeping at the battle to be sober.
AA is good for folks. i'm not dissing it but it was depressing sitting in windowless rooms for an hour while we read the same thing over and over. Then the serenity prayer - again. I am so glad it works for people. I find this forum so much better. I don't have to sit with a "sponsor" and read through the steps. I was told by my outpatient counselor that I was never going to be "fixed" unless I worked the steps. Like I said - I am so glad it works for people but I didn't like being told that I had to work the steps or I would never not be an alcoholic.
What are folks opinions about working the AA steps?
AA is good for folks. i'm not dissing it but it was depressing sitting in windowless rooms for an hour while we read the same thing over and over. Then the serenity prayer - again. I am so glad it works for people. I find this forum so much better. I don't have to sit with a "sponsor" and read through the steps. I was told by my outpatient counselor that I was never going to be "fixed" unless I worked the steps. Like I said - I am so glad it works for people but I didn't like being told that I had to work the steps or I would never not be an alcoholic.
What are folks opinions about working the AA steps?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Cindy, I'm glad you find SR helpful. In this forum we try to avoid debates about recovery methods and instead focus on supporting each other. This is our mandate:
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.
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