NyQuil made me feel like I relapsed?
 

HAHA - okay. I think this is ridiculous that I'm even posting this.

This weekend I made some dumb decisions. I didn't pick up a drink or a drug, but I engaged in some behaviors that violated my own moral code. Yesterday, being Sunday, I was feeling extremely shameful about it. And I stress that I was feeling shame - not guilt. Feeling like I am a bad person, not just that I engaged in a bad behavior.

So I was feeling terrible and my mind wouldn't stop spinning a million miles a minute but I was exhausted. So I went to the pharmacy and picked up a bottle of Nyquil cough medicine (doesn't have any alcohol in it, but has sleepy time meds). Drank half of the bottle (probably about double the normal dosage). Didn't feel any sort of buzz or high obviously, but got tired pretty quickly, and then went to bed & fell asleep.

Today I feel like I made a huge mistake and sort of like I relapsed. Obviously my intentions were not good - trying to escape my problems by taking a substance to force sleep. I didn't have a cold, and while I felt like "crap" both emotionally, mentally, which was translating into physical "crap" feeling, my intentions were not pure.

I also feel like this might be my sneaky alcoholism - it wants me to think "Oh - I've relapsed now! Back on day 1! Might as well make it a good one!"

Self sabotage at its finest? Or was this actually a relapse? Yeesh.

I never expected to feel so guilty and wierd about taking friggin COUGH SYRUP. And as stupid as I feel even posting this, it's what's on my brain and I needed to get it out.

If I had known how my mind would be treating the incident today, I honestly never would have picked it up in the first place. If I'm gonna feel this guilty I might as well drink.

Thoughts?

Yes, this is your AV trying to trick you into saying "F-it! Let's drink!" You made a mistake. Right now it's probably a good idea to ask yourself why. What tools could you use next time to calm you down and stop the chattering in your head? Believe me, I get it. I find that meditation, exercise and reaching out to friends to get my mind off things helps a lot.

Pick yourself up, let go of the guilt and move on. Come up with a better plan so you can avoid incidents like this in the future.

Hang in there.......wishing you all the best. xo

Well, I'd say lesson learned?

Good job in identifying your thought processes, I think that's the majority of the battle and definitely the majority of your recovery.

You know what to do :)

Nyquil does have alcohol in it. My X usto get quite messed up on Nyquil.

Glad you came here to talk about it, Mrrryah. It shows wisdom, growth and strength in recovery.

I hate to tell you this, but Nyquil is practically ALL alcohol. It was my first choice hangover remedy in my drinking days.

Oh. Well it doesn't say that ANYWHERE on the bottle. I'm looking at the bottle right now.

Is it Nyquil or ZQuil (made by Nyqil, I think)?

Never mind. I found it under "non-medicinal ingredients" it says alcohol.

So I guess I relapsed then.

I believe that there is also an alcohol-free Nyquil.

Ooops; overlapping post; sorry.

It kind of doesn't matter if it has alcohol or not. It has sedative properties, just like Benadryl does. It's the psychology you described - "I have to put something in my body to make me feel better. I don't have the tools to do it otherwise."

Only you do have the tools.

25% Alcohol, according to this medical site:

https://www.healthtap.com/topics/how...es-nyquil-have

I don't want you to feel worse, but you, and other SR folks, should know that these "over the counter" "safe" medications can be anything but. I remember a story I read about Spencer Tracy, who was such a terrible alcoholic that even rum flavouring in dessert would set him off on a binge. It's hard enough trying to avoid the alcohol we can see, much less the stuff that's hidden in plain sight!

Well then! Good bye 36 days of sobriety, back to day 1 again (tomorrow).

Just lovely.

Why do you say tomorrow?? Today is a new day. Do not let one mistake negate all you have worked for. Life is measured by successes and failures, and one does not wipe out the other.

I'm not resetting my sobriety date for half a bottle of NyQuil which I didn't even know had alcohol in it.

Agreed; this is definitely not something to drink about; you are doing very well, Mrrryah. We are alcoholics and we have to be careful; "substitute" addictions are a danger for us. As bimini said, we have a tendency to seek psychological relief, to modify the way we feel with substances. Learning to find healthy ways to "deal with life on life's terms" is part of recovery.

Move forward, sweet Mrrryah; this merely a small bump in the road.

I agree with you. You are working hard, that is what counts. Now, you know and you can move forward. Medications should be used for what they are prescribed for. You are going to have rough days that you need to be able to handle w/out putting a substance in your body. You can do it. It takes time and effort, and you are showing you are committed to those.

Chin up!!!

" I engaged in some behaviors that violated my own moral code"

The above is actually the most important part of the post, IMO.

The cough syrup was just a desperate attempt to medicate those feelings away (by collapsing into sleep and fleeing emotion). Cough syrup was one of the only choices you could think of to get that relief without relapsing (and I am SO glad that you did not drink).

But yeah - cough syrup (which BTW, many addicts do incorporate into their drug regime...) or too much Valerian or any herb or medicine which can be justified...it still is the same impulse to forget, the same reaching for oblivion, but without the drugs or drink to really get there.

So, the core of your experience and post is in breaking your moral code and feeling shame. This is what you'll need to work through and create boundaries about, because the next time you do it, or the next time, it will likely precipitate full on relapse.

PS. My experience is that I have relational and sexual behaviors which I am shamed by. I'm no moralist, and I believe in very open expression of self through sexuality, but - mostly in the area of people who should be off limits to me sexually for various reasons - I have crossed my own lines at times. I have given this behavior up in my sobriety. I had to also give up internet connections with romantic or sexual possibilities, and dating in general - until my recovery is solid AND I've had time to work on and understand those behaviors which I practice but then feel shame over.

My suggestion is to add whatever behavior let to the Nyquil to your sobriety. Quit it. Set a date for yourself until which you will not engage in this behavior again. Then set yourself toward figuring out its origin, purpose and meaning in your life.

We are addicts. In sobriety, our issues re-emerge in many forms - gambling, porn, anger, infidelity, on and on. We can't hold guilt and shame any longer, because they make us drink to forget.

I believe that the work we do across all the areas of our lives is our recovery. I read somewhere in the beginning (paraphrasing here) - that the trick to quitting alcohol is to build a life so satisfying and right for you that you don't have to drink over it.

I think about that a lot.

All any of us have is today, anyway Mrrryah.

Resetting days or not is up to you. I don't know that I would, either - but then I already knew about Nyquil and other OTC meds and such.

I don't discuss my "time" with anyone except this site. No one IRL cares how many days or months or years I've accumulated. That 36 days can't be taken away from you.