I'm back and dug myself deeper
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by NewFighter 
Wastinglife, I totally understand. I have wanted to do the same thing. The funny thing is there NEVER seems to be a long enough time to drink/sleep and feel no more rested. UGH
I mean what kind of person drinks before 8 AM MASS GOOD LORD HELP ME HELP MYSELF
I mean what kind of person drinks before 8 AM MASS GOOD LORD HELP ME HELP MYSELF
You aren't alone my dear. We have ALL done things that we think no one else could POSSIBLY have ever done. Alcohol leads us into some very dark places. Now that I've been sober for a few years it kind of amazes me that the stuff is legal!
Welcome to SR. You'll find help and support here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 199
Hi nmd! Congrats on 15!
Free Owl, I am back on SR, seeing a therapist for a fourth session on Wednesday and want to order some good liteture. I have accepted that this will actually kill me, and it looks like sooner than later with or without hitting rock bottom. I sure will miss those dirty martinis
Free Owl, I am back on SR, seeing a therapist for a fourth session on Wednesday and want to order some good liteture. I have accepted that this will actually kill me, and it looks like sooner than later with or without hitting rock bottom. I sure will miss those dirty martinis
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Good to see you back with us NewFighter.
You haven't given up, that's what counts. Sorry for what you've gone through, but here's where it can end. I wish I'd gotten wise at 32 - I went on another 20 years pretending I had control. You're doing a good thing seeing a therapist. You're going to do this NF.
You haven't given up, that's what counts. Sorry for what you've gone through, but here's where it can end. I wish I'd gotten wise at 32 - I went on another 20 years pretending I had control. You're doing a good thing seeing a therapist. You're going to do this NF.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by Anna
I'm glad you're back again, NewFighter.
And, I think it's so much more than just 'not drinking' and that's the complex part. For me, it meant dealing with issues I had been drowning in alcohol for most of 3 years. I was so afraid to face things head-on, but I was more afraid of my alcoholism.
And, I think it's so much more than just 'not drinking' and that's the complex part. For me, it meant dealing with issues I had been drowning in alcohol for most of 3 years. I was so afraid to face things head-on, but I was more afraid of my alcoholism.
Anna, you were so right
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by hopefullylost
I am also a 32 year old female, falling deeper and hoping last weekend was rock bottom.
If you're anything like me, I'm beating myself up pretty badly to the point where I'm physically kind of sick feeling.
I have a history of binge drinking on the weekends - usually drink the following morning to combat withdrawals. I too feel disgusting.
If you're anything like me, I'm beating myself up pretty badly to the point where I'm physically kind of sick feeling.
I have a history of binge drinking on the weekends - usually drink the following morning to combat withdrawals. I too feel disgusting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by Blondescorp
The guilt of letting myself become this is eating me alive
Long story short I took from 2014 to now to grow up. I am no longer disgusted with myself. I cannot control how much I drink if I start. I am an alcoholic. I'm done with it.
Disgust turned to shame etc. I won't have any part of it anymore. Alcoholism for me represents my old life. One I left for good reason (a marriage) and not anything I want in the life I have/am creating.
I don' t know how it is for you, but for me anytime I introduce alcohol back into my life, insanity (anything or anywhere peace cannot exist) ensues even if "only" in my own mind. (especially shame as I passed up disgust a while ago
No longer are allowed in mine and my boy's lives.
We CAN do this! I hope for you the disgust wears off quickly to be followed by acceptance. That AV moderation BS has been a monkey on my back for the last four years....
Thank you for reading and replying!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 25
Thank you!
Originally Posted by NewFighter
Blondescorp; this was a post I made in 2014 and I was rereading threads this morning... Many of the replies now are hitting home, and I deeply appreciate those that are survivors and fighters that give their time to write.
Long story short I took from 2014 to now to grow up. I am no longer disgusted with myself. I cannot control how much I drink if I start. I am an alcoholic. I'm done with it.
Disgust turned to shame etc. I won't have any part of it anymore. Alcoholism for me represents my old life. One I left for good reason (a marriage) and not anything I want in the life I have/am creating.
I don' t know how it is for you, but for me anytime I introduce alcohol back into my life, insanity (anything or anywhere peace cannot exist) ensues even if "only" in my own mind. (especially shame as I passed up disgust a while ago
No longer are allowed in mine and my boy's lives.
We CAN do this! I hope for you the disgust wears off quickly to be followed by acceptance. That AV moderation BS has been a monkey on my back for the last four years....
Thank you for reading and replying!
Long story short I took from 2014 to now to grow up. I am no longer disgusted with myself. I cannot control how much I drink if I start. I am an alcoholic. I'm done with it.
Disgust turned to shame etc. I won't have any part of it anymore. Alcoholism for me represents my old life. One I left for good reason (a marriage) and not anything I want in the life I have/am creating.
I don' t know how it is for you, but for me anytime I introduce alcohol back into my life, insanity (anything or anywhere peace cannot exist) ensues even if "only" in my own mind. (especially shame as I passed up disgust a while ago
No longer are allowed in mine and my boy's lives.
We CAN do this! I hope for you the disgust wears off quickly to be followed by acceptance. That AV moderation BS has been a monkey on my back for the last four years....
Thank you for reading and replying!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
I mean what kind of person drinks before 8 AM MASS?
Do you really think that people don't notice that you've been drinking?
In church you sit pretty close to other people, for an hour or so. Do you really think other people can't smell alcohol on you? Just because you don't smell alcohol on yourself, doesn't mean anything.
I don't think that meetings would be possible for me in the profession I am in a small town
I think your secret is already out.
Just because no-one has confronted you, doesn't mean your drinking is a secret.
Do you really think that people don't notice that you've been drinking?
In church you sit pretty close to other people, for an hour or so. Do you really think other people can't smell alcohol on you? Just because you don't smell alcohol on yourself, doesn't mean anything.
I don't think that meetings would be possible for me in the profession I am in a small town
I think your secret is already out.
Just because no-one has confronted you, doesn't mean your drinking is a secret.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by Zebra1275
I mean what kind of person drinks before 8 AM MASS?
Do you really think that people don't notice that you've been drinking?
In church you sit pretty close to other people, for an hour or so. Do you really think other people can't smell alcohol on you? Just because you don't smell alcohol on yourself, doesn't mean anything.
I don't think that meetings would be possible for me in the profession I am in a small town
I think your secret is already out.
Just because no-one has confronted you, doesn't mean your drinking is a secret.
Do you really think that people don't notice that you've been drinking?
In church you sit pretty close to other people, for an hour or so. Do you really think other people can't smell alcohol on you? Just because you don't smell alcohol on yourself, doesn't mean anything.
I don't think that meetings would be possible for me in the profession I am in a small town
I think your secret is already out.
Just because no-one has confronted you, doesn't mean your drinking is a secret.
Yes I agree Zebra, that part of the post was from four years ago. I have faced and owned up to my problems privately and publically voluntarily and involuntarily thanks to an angry ex. I was reading old threads in gratitude that although I am on day eight again, I am no longer in denial or under any illusion that I am and will always be an alcoholic and what for me that produces. I am grateful I am still here...
Luckily I have walked through (today) and live as honestly now as possible. I have fought too hard to have the opportunity. I want this and peace and have some. I am working on the tools. Thank you for the straight up reply, I like that!
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