Reputation as a Drunk.
 

I find it tough to get over the fact that for years I was known as a drunk. I didn't have any self-awareness. I thought my drinking in social settings was all fun and games. But the latter few years, it must have been so obvious to everyone that I had a problem.

How could I not see it? I mean, I knew I drank a lot, but I didn't think everyone else could see I was a drunk. So many stupid incidents over the years and yet I still thought I was being the fun, party guy when I was seen as just a drunk....

Researching the current scientific and medical opinion of alcoholism as a genetic predisposition helped alleviate much of my self loathing.

Realising that my body processes alcohol differently to 95% of the population further helped.

In that light, being alcoholic is no more shameful than being born with diabetes or an allergy to peanuts.

Didn't ask for it. I just copped that genetic bullet.

I was the neighbour bum...unshaven wild hair, red rimmed eyes, unwashed and no doubt stank like a brewery and a million ashtrays.

Mothers would seriously cross the roads with their kids to avoid me.

Everyone knew me that way.

I stayed in that part of town for about 6 months after I quit...even in that short time, I rehabilitated my reputation to a remarkable degree.

Now, having moved back to an area a few miles from where I used to live I see bus drivers cabbies and former bneighbours almost every day.

Noone holds my past against me :)

There's absolutely nothing you and I can do about the past WL. It's done, and gone....but there is an extraordinary amount we can do with each new day.

Don't squander that opportunity by looking backwards & sighing ;)

D

drink blinds us

They say tragedy plus time equals comedy!:clown: It might be a source of embarrassment or even shame now, but the longer you stay sober the less it will bother you. Or at least that was the case with me. I was well known as a drunk, and most people close to me have their MythOfSisyphus-stories! It might be my ex-wife (got into bed after a bender and barfed in her hair), my brother's ex-GF (got plastered while drinking with him, tripped and broken their table), my cousin (hung my head out the window of his Mustang, puked all the way home), etc etc.

I can't change the past but I know those things were done by the old MythOfSisyphus, not me now. As the past recedes in the rear view mirror I have begun to see the humor in those tales.

I remind myself that I am not person anymore.

This is simple but so very true. Thanks.

You couldn't see it because you were drunk, silly ;)

But seriously, I've had friends refer to me as "that girl" (not in a flattering way) due to the drinking and horrific shenanigans I got up to while under the influence. The sting of that designation hurts like a mo'fo, for sure.

But honestly I know when I see someone conquer a major obstacle or addiction, I have the utmost respect for that person. I think others will afford us the same once they've seen us come so far from where we once were.

Annnnnd, in the end if they never come around, it's about you and your recovery. So, eff it!! Just do you and try not to worry about that old impression you may have given way back when.

Over time, most people get busy with their own lives and either put these past events behind them, or never really cared about them one way or the other in the first place.

Just as some of us underestimate to what extent and in what ways other people notice our drinking behaviors, we also often overestimate the importance other people place on these behaviors with the passage of time when we're sober. Most people just don't care, no matter how much enthusiasm they demonstrate while telling tales about our drunken antics.

This explains, in part, why so many people who've made amends report getting a response along the lines of "it was no big deal" from the people they'd offended or harmed, and that they were surprised that they weren't attacked or criticized when making their amends.

Your present and your future need your attention; your past only needs your forgiveness.

In general, I had no self-awareness. During the worst of my drinking, I was 50 pounds heavier and I didn't shave anymore. Yet I still went out socially thinking I wasn't that bad. I looked terrible!

Saw this on a bumper sticker once:

Don't judge me by my past
I don't live there anymore!

You cannot change the past, but the power to change your future is in your hands.

I have problems with ruminating since I got sober. All the things from when I was drinking are only now hitting me. Playing back in my head since I was too drunk to care before.

It's ok to see it for what it was, just don't let it control your future! And be honest with people, they are a lot more forgiving than you think I would bet!

I don't see won't see most of the people, it's my own thoughts I can't escape. Flashbacks

when those thoughts arise, when flashbacks trouble you, try this;

"I am grateful these images are not ME. I am grateful for the ME that I AM. I forgive myself for those events behind me, when I did not honor ME...."

Or anything along those lines.

The point is to acknowledge;

1 - our past is not who we ARE
2 - who we are NOW is not that person
3 - It is ok to forgive ourselves and move on

:)

It will get better with time and self-kindness

I tend to agree with people who have posted that others don't care about our previous actions as much as we fear they might. I know I see others do or say things I think they might be embarrassed or regretful about but that thought passes in a nanosecond and I move on with my own life and my own concerns and don't give it a second thought. If the person is close to me I accept them for who they are and I really don't give it another thought. So it's really more in our own minds the regret we should just let go of. Maybe it's a good motivator for changing our own future but that's about all a memory like that is good for.

The level of denial I experienced, especially the last few months of my drinking, was phenomenal. And, I didn't see it at all until I stopped drinking and had some perspective.

Like you, I had flashbacks that were horrible. But, you need to know that you can move on and you can show people that you are changing. :)

Neighbour next door refused to speak to me 4 months in knocked on my door and offered a near brand new leather reliner sofa

I know that the guy I just broke up with ( I really believe he was an alcoholic) said to me once how he hates his cousins wife. That although she doesn't know him that well she had the nerve to say to him that she doesn't like him because he's a drunk and told him to his face he drank to much and shouldn't drive while at a gathering. he was offended because when he drinks he never drives "now". and quote "she has no idea how much I had to drink. Now, those of us that don't drink very often would have been offended at the not liking me part.. not about her being worried if I had to much and was going to drive.