erin8

So as most of you regulars here know I relapsed on Friday. Its always FRIDAY. I need a better plan for this upcoming Friday. So.. this is what happened. . . I had a great day Friday. I had a good day at work. Everything was FINE. I got off of work and the thought just popped in my head that I was going to get a drink. I called my sponser.. she didn't answer. I looked for another number and couldn't find it. In the time it took my sponsor to call me back I already had it made up in my mind I was going for it. I lied to her, told her everything was fine... blah blah blah. I bought a bottle, drove home and started drinking it as soon as I pulled in my driveway. Last thing I remember is logging off of here and taking a couple more shots. Next thing I know I'm in front of a pill bottle dumped out on the counter, I have no idea how many I took, next thing I know my husband is waking me up, and I'm trying to walk to the liquor store, finally fed up with my behavior he gives me the last of the bottle he hid in the closet, next thing I know I'm waking up feeling like an idiot. I called a lot of people, texted a lot of people, wrote on here, and I had a terrible hangover. Am I done? I don't know. I really really don't know but I do know that there isn't enough alcohol in the world to make me feel BETTER anymore. It makes me WORSE, and that sucks soo soo so much. But maybe its a blessing. I'm on day 2 again. I'm tired of being so sad all the time. I'm tired of having to apologize for **** that I can't even remember. I'm tired of wanting to drink when I know it doesn't help. Anyway.. there it is.

SoberLeigh

I am glad that you are still here, erin8. That speaks volumes.

How often do you go to meetings?

Dee74

You can be done, if you want erin

I had to break that cycle where once the idea was in my head, the outcome was inevitable.

The outcome is never inevitable - your addicted self just wants you to think that.

D

PurpleKnight

I haven't been around much this weekend, but I've been keeping up to date with your journey Erin!!

All I know is, staying here on SR, and fighting for what you think will change your life takes real courage, at this moment in time you may not know how you're going to achieve it, but that's fine, the important thing right now is you realise that alcohol isn't doing you any favours!!

You can do this Erin, you can turn things around, write a new chapter in your life!!

Rina

I have been there before- you are not alone! The important thing is that you recognize it and you are trying to stop! It is possible one day at a time!! I am praying for you Erin that you find peace in knowing that it can be alright!

Wastinglife

Hi Erin, I have so many of these regretful memories yet I kept going back for more. Many humiliating public moments still didn't stop me. I have ruined so much and caused so much damage to myself. I sober now, but greatly haunted.

Soberwolf

Hi Erin ive read more than a few of your posts = trying

keep trying and keep it fresh in your head that drinking isnt going to solve nothing

it will only keep adding more & more prooblems

and once it really kicks in it becomes hell on earth

i never want to forget that

Good luck erin big hugs

least

You don't have to let 'wanting' to drink become 'drinking'. Thoughts don't have to become actions.