roguedreams

If you've got extra hope to spare, I could sure use some tonight.

Just a brief update before I delve into the heart of this thread's topic:

- still sober. (woo)
- going nightly to AA meetings, making acquaintances, have a temporary sponsor with whom I met up with one-on-one last night for the first time.
- still jobless and spending exorbitant amounts of time applying for jobs. Have had a couple interviews, several potential job openings referred to me by friends, but nothing tangible to show for it yet.
- ergo, still broke.
- still moving in with grandparents in about three weeks' time.

~~~

I guess I want to know, from those of y'all in longer remission/recovery/sobriety/abstinence/what-have-you, that life can really truly be rebuilt.

Has ANYONE started from where I am now, and successfully made it in a career they love, able to buy a home, support themselves and their needs, along with some wants too?

One of the dreams that keeps me on this sober path is that I one day want to own my own home and be able to afford life. I don't want extravagance ... but I want "enough".

And I'm scared ... I'm afraid I'll never get there.

longbeachone

Of course you'll get there! You are on your way now. By changing your life and removing alcohol from the equation, you are moving in a new direction, one that will open doors and improve areas of your life that will take you by surprise. Will it happen tomorrow? Unless you win the lottery, probably not, but by changing the dynamic of your life from a negative downward spiral to a positive march forward, you will be able to accomplish things in time that will absolutely amaze you. I've been sober six years now, and I had arrived at a place where only death seemed likely. I was a complete mess. But I changed my life, slowly, one day, one small step at a time. You can do it too.

Try to enjoy the journey, although in early sobriety its kind of difficult. But if you take a few minutes every evening and try to isolate the things that you achieved (no matter how small) the productive decisions you made, the healthy choices that you opted for, you will soon see the positive trends in your day-to-day life. You took the dog for a walk (instead of tripping over him/her as you stumbled to the bottle for a refill). You had a ripe peach or a glass of fresh juice (instead of yet another liquid lunch/dinner). You read a great book then fell asleep in clean sheets (instead of passing out in a bed that hasn't been made in months). Small steps forward, but wow, one day those small steps can and will change your life and make those dreams that seem so unattainable a reality.

These may seem like small victories, but they are so much more! Every step in the right direction, no matter how small, moves you closer to the bigger victories that are sure to await you on your new, positive life path path. Some days it will be hard to find even a small step forward, but just staying sober another day is a HUGE victory!

I probably sound like Little Mary Sunshine, but I have seen it happen again and again, and I want you to believe that it can and will happen to you. Just remember to do two things....Stay sober, and keep moving forward. Whether you progress in inches or miles is beside the point. Keep pushing in a positive direction, and one day you will look around and find that you've accomplished all of those dreams that seemed so out of reach!

roguedreams

Well, my Poor Widdle Me Raincloud needed a Little Mary Sunshine

THIS. Yes. Once again I'm getting caught up in outcomes.

Thank. you. so. much.

Marcher13

Of course you'll get there! You've done the first big thing by removing alcohol from your life, now the steps are to build on that good solid decision. Gratitude helps so much, it really does, don't force yourself to try and feel gratitude just let it come to you. If you sit still and ask yourself what you are thankful for you'll be surprised by the many things that come to you. Right this second I'm grateful for the spring breeze and the opportunity to encourage you Roguedreams and, in this moment, that's a lot.

VikingGF

I have some hope I can share with you, rogue! Anything is possible if you stay sober- anything at all.... Seriously. If you can quit drinking, what CAN'T you do?

Wastinglife

Hi Rouge, I have been in your situation. I drank away a career in finance. I actually resigned during a fit of panic one day because I thought I was gonna be fired due to my drinking and lack of performance.

I have been in recovery for 3 years now and still haven't figured out my next move as far as a career. I can't pass a background check cuz of a DUI and bankruptcy. I've lost a few job offers as a result. I am working now, in a menial job that just pays the rent really.

I also worry if I will ever be able to afford a house. But, I know that house will never be there unless I am sober entirely.

Lets keep trying and we'll have this figured out soon!

Weasel1966

Rogue,

If I may comment. Building a career that is able to support you with the needs and provide enough has little if anything to do with drinking. In fact I can assure you that no one asks for your drinking skills to be listed on the application.

It takes exactly what I hear in your posts. Drive, determination, desire.... And yes... Hope.

Drinking, however, has everything to do with your career/job. It can suck your energy and drive. It can make you appear incompetent. You will be late or not be able to show up. It can squash any and all hope for not just work but love and life.

You are a smart cookie. You see where I am going. You will NEVER get what you want as long as the bottle stands in the middle.

I found my bottle did not want to move out of the way. It is stubborn and needy. So I stopped trying to move my bottle. I let it be. I found I could not change that desire. What I did instead was simply walk around it. And then proceeded to walk out in front of it.

It's there... That strong need or desire but I cannot acknowledge it. I let it tag along because like many other parts of me it is just there. I work hard everyday at my job. I often look around me and wonder who else in the conference room ever had a crack pipe hangin out of their mouth and hung sheets on the windows at dawn to keep the sunrise from happening. I cringe. Then I get back to work.

Sometimes we need to make hope wider.

Here is what I mean by that.... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/4678301-post1.html

I believe in you!

Ken

Dee74

I started from a place worse in yours than some ways, although I had managed to pay rent.

I'd drank all day for 5 years, and I was recovering from several mini strokes. I'd been a drinker for 20 years and a toker for nearly 30 and everyone I knew drank or smoked.

I've been sober since 2007

Needless to say I don;t think the me from then would recognise my life now - it's SO much better.

There is always hope - *always*

D

desypete

i lost everything with my drinking
i ended up going to aa and those guys gave me money for food and took care of me in a way i will never be able to repay

my ex wife had gone off with another drunk, my 2 little kids were in care of social services i had no family i could move in with absoultley no one i could lean on as basically anyone who cared for me i abused until they got sick of me

anyway after about 3 months in aa my mind had cleared a bit and i ended up getting a job
at last i started to earn money again from there i carried on working and going to aa and being around people who still had there familys etc and i had hope one day i might get my kids back but that wasnt the reason i went to aa

after 12 months i ended up getting my kids back and it was the proudest happyiest time in my life
i got my 2 small ones back and my older kids all came back to me as well apart my my oldest daughter who had her own home and partner etc in another side of the country but she let me back into her life

so within a year things had really started to take off for me

like you at one time i thought i would never ever get a life back again, but the problem was i wanted to stop drinking for a week and then get it all back and sadly it doesnt work like that

it takes time and effort on my part to make these changes happen, but first of all i had to learn how to get through a day without picking up a drink as if i picked up a drink i would go right back again and never have a chance

so keep on plodding on and give time time, give yourself 6 months and see how things are going in 6 months time : )

goose333

I can't speak for myself, but I CAN speak for a colleague at work. He is a recovered drug addict and alcoholic. He is quite open about it. He tells some pretty outrageous stories about when he was using. He was a complete mess and basically at the end of his rope.
He has been sober for at least 15 years. He has been employed where I work for 10 years. He is a totally responsible, productive member of society. He is excellent at work and everyone looks up to him and respects him. I'm sure many people have no clue of his past life.
He is married. Has kids from his own marriage and he and his wife are foster parents to kids with mental & physical disabilities. He met his wife AFTER he kicked his bad habits. He moved to my state and they thought he was responsible enough to be a foster parent. I'm sure they know his entire background.
So is there a real life after all this? Yes. There certainly can be. It's a damn good reason to keep at it. Define the life you want. Make a plan to get there and then do it.

Goose

kirstensmith

Roguedreams, so many stories. so much hope. Now write your own story, and yes I have some extra hope to give you

SoberLeigh

Wow, rogue, you have received some incredible responses from true "survivors"/"rebuilders" - great responses in true SR fashion - very inspirational.

I was extremely fortunate that the wreckage from my alcoholism was not widespread; part of that was due to the fact that it started later in life (a pattern that seems to have taken shape from my Mother's side of the family) but I can't begin to describe the wreckage in my soul; when I stopped drinking "I" began to appear again - bits and pieces of the remnants that was once me began to take shape.

There was something about you that struck a chord with me from your very first post months ago. I firmly believe in you - that you have what it takes to survive and rebuild; I see a strong foundation upon which you will build a bright future and I am so excited to watch it unfold.

So, yes, I have an abundance of hope - rooted in faith - faith in rogue.

SoberLeigh

Beautiful post, longbeachone.

Change4good

Agree soberleigh. I am thinking of printing this one out.

SoberLeigh

So am I, changeforgood.

Ruby2

Rogue, you can do it and it will come. Ken wrote some great stuff there. Everything I've read that you've posted shows you are resourceful and clever. I often view alcoholics who have quit drinking as cats who always land on their feet. There are absolutely so many people who attend meetings where I sometimes go who lost everything and now you would never know it to look at them. And if they don't quite have what they once aspired to have, they are grateful for what they do have now.

Living with your grandparents can give you time and respite from the worries about paying rent. I lived with my parents for periods of time and it was a blessing. So it can be done. Once day at a time. I think focus on what is on your plate right now, and deal with it in baby steps, instead of projecting too far forward. When I look too far it's frustrating. But each day builds towards that.

SadieJack

Chinese proverb:

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step

luvmygirls

You got this, Girl.

You have a lot to hope for. First of all, you're a great writer which is a less common talent than you might think. You're upbeat, despite your current circumstances. You have the safety net of your grandparents. You have a network, here and in real life. You're committed to a new life, and your daily actions support a future which is better than your past or present circumstances. You don't have a sense of entitlement, like the world owes you a job or anything else. You know you will pay a price for your past actions, and rather than wallowing in that knowledge, you look for ways to pre-empt or work around peoples' perceptions of the choices you've made. You own them.

The tangible results will come. While the results are coming, you are busy doing the right thing. I have a feeling that you will emerge on the other side with everything you need, and some things you want, too. Big hugs and support to you, rogue.

roguedreams

There are tears to my eyes.

I'm (for once) at a loss for words. So incredibly grateful for all the support and words of wisdom.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all. so. much, for taking the time to share perspectives and led that helping ear/hand.

Speechless with gratitude.

PS - Ken, I absolutely loved your post about giving hope a chance. Every. single. word. in that post absolutely resonated with me.

youngconfused

I have known plenty of people that have had NOTHING and I see them 2 or 3 years later and they have a car a house a family etc so many things can change in 1 or 2 years time you will see progress when your sober it may not be all at once but it will come when I am sober I am amazed at the things I can do and accomplish now I just need to get off of these pills! Good luck!