Bummed.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Bummed.....
A long with my bitchy post yesterday. I'll add this .... This came into my mind strongly as I was scoping out posts on SR......
What is the point of all this? People struggle with addiction second by second, minute by minute. People slip all the time whether you have 4 clean days or 24 years. It feels like relapse is inevitable specifically because it is a direct symptom of our illness, our addiction.
All the struggle, the worry, the withdrawals to stop drinking, then comes the almost inevitable relapse. Is it worth it to me? I don't know. When I was drinking, I never thought about drinking, now I think about it a lot (not in the sense I crave it). But I think in terms I'm an alcoholic: wonder if the girl that asked if I wanted a margarita knows I'm a drunk? Maybe she is a drunk? What are those people thinking having just one drink with dinner? Certainly not for the buzz, perhaps taste? Etc etc etc.
What is the point of all this? People struggle with addiction second by second, minute by minute. People slip all the time whether you have 4 clean days or 24 years. It feels like relapse is inevitable specifically because it is a direct symptom of our illness, our addiction.
All the struggle, the worry, the withdrawals to stop drinking, then comes the almost inevitable relapse. Is it worth it to me? I don't know. When I was drinking, I never thought about drinking, now I think about it a lot (not in the sense I crave it). But I think in terms I'm an alcoholic: wonder if the girl that asked if I wanted a margarita knows I'm a drunk? Maybe she is a drunk? What are those people thinking having just one drink with dinner? Certainly not for the buzz, perhaps taste? Etc etc etc.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I havnt had a relapse i dont plan on one cant go back to that life
so much pain struggle heartache madness sickness loneliness isolation the list just goes on and on
thank god i dont drink anymore i am truthfully lucky to even be writing this msg
i wish anyone luck in stopping drinking
Raider of course its worth it there is no inevitable relapse the person chooses to drink
no one had a gun to my head when i was drinking i made a choice
we always have a choice and yes it is always worth it
wish you luck raider
so much pain struggle heartache madness sickness loneliness isolation the list just goes on and on
thank god i dont drink anymore i am truthfully lucky to even be writing this msg
i wish anyone luck in stopping drinking
Raider of course its worth it there is no inevitable relapse the person chooses to drink
no one had a gun to my head when i was drinking i made a choice
we always have a choice and yes it is always worth it
wish you luck raider
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Relapse is not inevitable.
I used to think about alcohol and related stuff in the early days, but that stopped ages ago. As you move on, other things in your life take precedence in your mind.
I used to think about alcohol and related stuff in the early days, but that stopped ages ago. As you move on, other things in your life take precedence in your mind.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
I know what you're talking about.
We can never be "those people" and have one drink with dinner.
Relapse is as inevitable as we make it.
Give it more time. Maybe you'll get more time in return.
Nice pose, Fuzz.
"Get that camera outa' my face"
We can never be "those people" and have one drink with dinner.
Relapse is as inevitable as we make it.
Give it more time. Maybe you'll get more time in return.
Nice pose, Fuzz.
"Get that camera outa' my face"
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 72
Relapse is common, not inevitable. I have seen people in AA get their 10, 20, even 30 year medallions. I used to think these people must not have been "real" alcoholics to start with, but hearing their stories in AA, it was obvious they did have serious problems with booze. Yet they have managed to stay sober for years. It is a fact that relapse is common. Many alcoholics do relapse a few times before finally getting sober. But relapse is not inevitable.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Yes there are people who do not relapse, Pam. Or maybe once or twice in the beginning but then remain sober permanently.
I feel that with the kind of thinking you describe in the OP, you set up a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself. It sounds like you are thinking perhaps a bit too much about other people's agendas - that can really spiral...
I really do believe sobriety is worth it. Even with the knowledge and perspective that relapse often happens in addicts and can happen to any of us, I think it's still better to commit to recovery and try to live alcohol-free, try to enjoy the days we've got, rather than being utterly miserable everyday as drinkers. Even if I won't be sober forever, but I am today, don't have a hangover, can do interesting things and don't feel like life is a burden. Here and now! Maybe that's the thing to focus on, Pam: today, here and now. Everything else is either gone or uncertain forever. This is why we always talk about living in the now, I think - that's all we've got, really.
It sounds like you are feeling anxious, thinking about what could go wrong and predicting that it most likely will. I think that we have a lot of power to influence these probabilities!
One thing that I really admire about you is that no matter how you struggle, you don't give up, always come back here and post, you don't let shame and guilt block you like many people do. This demonstrates some formidable strength and survival instinct! You also have the strength to overcome this anxiety, the mood swings, etc; maybe you don't believe it but you do!
I feel that with the kind of thinking you describe in the OP, you set up a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself. It sounds like you are thinking perhaps a bit too much about other people's agendas - that can really spiral...
I really do believe sobriety is worth it. Even with the knowledge and perspective that relapse often happens in addicts and can happen to any of us, I think it's still better to commit to recovery and try to live alcohol-free, try to enjoy the days we've got, rather than being utterly miserable everyday as drinkers. Even if I won't be sober forever, but I am today, don't have a hangover, can do interesting things and don't feel like life is a burden. Here and now! Maybe that's the thing to focus on, Pam: today, here and now. Everything else is either gone or uncertain forever. This is why we always talk about living in the now, I think - that's all we've got, really.
It sounds like you are feeling anxious, thinking about what could go wrong and predicting that it most likely will. I think that we have a lot of power to influence these probabilities!
One thing that I really admire about you is that no matter how you struggle, you don't give up, always come back here and post, you don't let shame and guilt block you like many people do. This demonstrates some formidable strength and survival instinct! You also have the strength to overcome this anxiety, the mood swings, etc; maybe you don't believe it but you do!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Sorry you're feeling stuck and unsure, Raider. I sure know that feeling. But let's clear one thing up, because it sounds like you're buying into one of the biggest lies addiction whispers in our ear: You are not doomed to spend eternity on some kind of mental treadmill. Jeeesh, if that were true I would have started drinking again years ago. The struggle, the hard work—that's to break free of the cycle forever. Thank goodness for that!
Thoughts like you describe still enter my mind now and then, but they hold no power over me anymore. I don't fight them off, or cower from them. I just notice them when they arrive, and think, silly brain. Still getting those ridiculous ideas. But then I remember the hangovers. The health worries. The countless humiliations, public and private. Most of all I remember that feeling you're talking about—the enormous struggle to break free of addiction's gravitational pull, wondering if it would ever happen, if I'd ever really be able hit escape velocity and just be able to ignore other people's drinks, thinking nothing more of it than I do mayonnaise, another thing that some people enjoy, but I prefer to live without.
Well, I'm there. It happens. I believe you and every other addict can get there, too. Of course you have doubts—all addicts have a little voice whispering in their ear, telling them it's pointless. Looking back, I think learning to separate myself from that voice — to recognize it as proof I was still under the away of addiction, and to remind myself that part of my brain will continue lie to me, trying to make me feel weak and worthless—I think realizing that was the most important skill of all.
The struggle is only a means to an end, it's not the end. Peace and contentment lay ahead, and believe me, you will be so glad you didn't give up!
Thoughts like you describe still enter my mind now and then, but they hold no power over me anymore. I don't fight them off, or cower from them. I just notice them when they arrive, and think, silly brain. Still getting those ridiculous ideas. But then I remember the hangovers. The health worries. The countless humiliations, public and private. Most of all I remember that feeling you're talking about—the enormous struggle to break free of addiction's gravitational pull, wondering if it would ever happen, if I'd ever really be able hit escape velocity and just be able to ignore other people's drinks, thinking nothing more of it than I do mayonnaise, another thing that some people enjoy, but I prefer to live without.
Well, I'm there. It happens. I believe you and every other addict can get there, too. Of course you have doubts—all addicts have a little voice whispering in their ear, telling them it's pointless. Looking back, I think learning to separate myself from that voice — to recognize it as proof I was still under the away of addiction, and to remind myself that part of my brain will continue lie to me, trying to make me feel weak and worthless—I think realizing that was the most important skill of all.
The struggle is only a means to an end, it's not the end. Peace and contentment lay ahead, and believe me, you will be so glad you didn't give up!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
That's a bleak outlook you've described. It's one perspective. There is a huge chasm between "inevitable" and "almost inevitable." It's inevitable or it's not.
Though many addicts relapse, most of us wouldn't be sober posting on SR right now had we thrown in the towel and accepted there was no point to getting sober. If you go by stats, most addicts will relapse... so I think it means everything that those of us who've already relapsed dig in our heels even harder.
Though many addicts relapse, most of us wouldn't be sober posting on SR right now had we thrown in the towel and accepted there was no point to getting sober. If you go by stats, most addicts will relapse... so I think it means everything that those of us who've already relapsed dig in our heels even harder.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Not everyone slips Pam. I'm sure if you took 10 minutes out to look around you'd find many many long term success stories.
It's no longer a struggle for me - far from it
There's nothing special about me - I just had faith and I was prepared to do whatever it took.
I stopped seeing the bottle as a viable option.
If you're prepared to do the same, there's absolutely NO reasons at all why you (or anyone else) can't be sober for the rest of your life
D
It's no longer a struggle for me - far from it
There's nothing special about me - I just had faith and I was prepared to do whatever it took.
I stopped seeing the bottle as a viable option.
If you're prepared to do the same, there's absolutely NO reasons at all why you (or anyone else) can't be sober for the rest of your life
D
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
your kitty is going to give me nightmares. I seriously want to apply collegen moisturiser to the wrinkles.
Raider/Pam...you have too much on your plate right now and are discontent in your squashed surroundings.
find something to do tomorrow that makes you feel good (besides picking at hubster)....get out of your own head for a while.
Raider/Pam...you have too much on your plate right now and are discontent in your squashed surroundings.
find something to do tomorrow that makes you feel good (besides picking at hubster)....get out of your own head for a while.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Raider 
When I was drinking, I never thought about drinking,
I didn't think about drinking when I was drinking either...I OBSESSED about it.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I can't answer this for you, but for me living a meaningless, repetitive and painful fantasy will never be enough. If I were to pick up the drink again, then all my suffering would be rendered meaningless.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble
...if I'd ever really be able hit escape velocity and just be able to ignore other people's drinks, thinking nothing more of it than I do mayonnaise, another thing that some people enjoy, but I prefer to live without.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
Pam,
I don't' believe relapse is inevitable. I've read about how one shouldn't take their sobriety for granted and be on guard; however I honestly don't think about it anymore and if I did, would not choose to drink with all it's INEVITABLE consequences.....hangovers, shakes, nausea, bloat, compromised health and guilt.....those are inevitable consequences of drinking.
I don't' believe relapse is inevitable. I've read about how one shouldn't take their sobriety for granted and be on guard; however I honestly don't think about it anymore and if I did, would not choose to drink with all it's INEVITABLE consequences.....hangovers, shakes, nausea, bloat, compromised health and guilt.....those are inevitable consequences of drinking.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
The two best predictors of having a relapse are being an alcoholic and having had a previous relapse. But there's nothing inevitable about it.
Feeling or believing that relapse is inevitable is very different than relapse being a foregone conclusion.
Feeling or believing that relapse is inevitable is very different than relapse being a foregone conclusion.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I was shopping with my daughter today and at one point I realized that when I saw something cute and short I automatically thought of her, with her long 9 year old legs. I had my days in short skirts, I will be 50 next year. I realized I have gradually let go of parts of my life that no longer fit. There is a wistfulness about the passing of stages of my life. But when I see 50 year old women trying to hang on to their 20's it doesn't suit them. It robs them of the actuality of who they are currently.
I had the same thought driving home when we passed an outdoor cafe. I caught myself glancing to see the "lucky" people drinking outside in the pleasant weather. But that time has passed for me also. I don't drink and I don't wear miniskirts…!
I had the same thought driving home when we passed an outdoor cafe. I caught myself glancing to see the "lucky" people drinking outside in the pleasant weather. But that time has passed for me also. I don't drink and I don't wear miniskirts…
!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I have this note that I wrote back when I was struggling. It reads as a tour de force of all the failures, misfires, wrong turns and broken dreams that came from my drinking. I used to carry it in my wallet, on the idea that if I was going to drink again I would have to read the note first, and if I still wanted to drink after that note then at least I was going into it with eyes wide open and a fresh reminder of where that road ends.
Since I quit drinking I haven't had anything of note to add to that list. It's been fifteen months now. Haven't killed anyone on the road, or lost my job, or gotten a DUI, or embarrassed my remaining friends or my family. In fact, things are better with respect to all of those and more - job, family, friends, health, spirit.
I think about drinking sometimes, but I like my sober life and I don't want to screw it up with booze. I'm comfortable, safe, and pretty happy. Why rock-a the boat?
Rhetorically, how many times does the mousetrap have to snap down on the fingers before one figures to stop fumbling for the cheese? I quit drinking because it sucked. I know it sucked because I wrote it down, so I wouldn't forget. I don't go back to it because nothing has changed. It still sucks (I have it in writing, RIGHT THERE!) .. Break the illusion.
Since I quit drinking I haven't had anything of note to add to that list. It's been fifteen months now. Haven't killed anyone on the road, or lost my job, or gotten a DUI, or embarrassed my remaining friends or my family. In fact, things are better with respect to all of those and more - job, family, friends, health, spirit.
I think about drinking sometimes, but I like my sober life and I don't want to screw it up with booze. I'm comfortable, safe, and pretty happy. Why rock-a the boat?
Rhetorically, how many times does the mousetrap have to snap down on the fingers before one figures to stop fumbling for the cheese? I quit drinking because it sucked. I know it sucked because I wrote it down, so I wouldn't forget. I don't go back to it because nothing has changed. It still sucks (I have it in writing, RIGHT THERE!) .. Break the illusion.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by jaynie04
I was shopping with my daughter today and at one point I realized that when I saw something cute and short I automatically thought of her, with her long 9 year old legs. I had my days in short skirts, I will be 50 next year. I realized I have gradually let go of parts of my life that no longer fit. There is a wistfulness about the passing of stages of my life. But when I see 50 year old women trying to hang on to their 20's it doesn't suit them. It robs them of the actuality of who they are currently.
I had the same thought driving home when we passed an outdoor cafe. I caught myself glancing to see the "lucky" people drinking outside in the pleasant weather. But that time has passed for me also. I don't drink and I don't wear miniskirts…!
I had the same thought driving home when we passed an outdoor cafe. I caught myself glancing to see the "lucky" people drinking outside in the pleasant weather. But that time has passed for me also. I don't drink and I don't wear miniskirts…
!Pam - maybe get some fashionable miniskirts as something new and exciting! Instead of a dose of booze.
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